[True Love]
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
This material was originally presented in PowerPoint format to a student ministry. If you have questions or would like a copy of the original PowerPoint, drop me an email at robert.fox@alltel.com
[True Love]
Slide Graphic: shamelessly sentimental pictures of me and my wife Tammy at our wedding
This is the last lesson in our series on relationships.
We picked on the ladies first two weeks ago when we talked about “what a guy wants.” We talked about how men and women were designed by God differently, and that there is a cycle of unconditional love and unconditional respect that is necessary to keep a relationship running.
Last week we turned the tables and talked about “what a girl wants.” We talked about how women are the crown of creation – the ezer kenedgdo – the life-saver we men desperately need. We talked about men being the “point man” who protects the woman. We talked about how women are designed to be warriors, commanded by God to conquer the world, subdue it and rule it right alongside men, and we talked about the beauty God created inside each woman, and the responsibility of a man to use his strength to provide the freedom for a woman to be the beautiful, unique creation she already is.
Today, I wanted to wrap up by talking about “true love”. What is it? Does the bible have anything to say about true love? Does it exist? If so, for what purpose? Is it for everyone? How do you find it?
We’ve heard myths and legends about true love all our lives, to the point where we absolutely believe the stories. It’s like rice at weddings. Very few marriage ceremonies end these days with people throwing showers of rice on the couple. Why? Because eating uncooked rice will kill the little birds who eat it, right? It will swell up in their little stomachs and they’ll burst in horrible agony. Today everyone thows wild bird seed. (BTW, note to the guys. As you get older, some of your friends will get married. Here’s a tip – you’re supposed to take the rice/seeds OUT of those little bags before you throw them.)
Oddly enough, there isn’t a shred of truth to that myth. Miyoko Chu, a Cornell University ornithologist, has stated there are no documented cases of birds ever dying as a result of eating rice. Arkansas has hundreds of thousands of acres of rice farms. The rice farmers will back me up on this one - all kinds of birds eat that rice all the time, and very seldom do they cook it first.
So, if you didn’t even know that, then what do you know about true love? How much is myth, and how much of what they say is true?
[What Do You Have Worth Living For?]
Slide video: scene from “Princess Bride” where Miracle Max blows up Wesley’s lungs with bellows and asks “What do you have worth living for?” When he presses down on Wesley’s chest to make the air come back out, Wesley says “True love.”
Isn’t that what we all really want? Male or female? Oh, it would be nice to be fabulously wealthy and what not, but really, every one of us would say that what we really want is true, true love. A soul-mate. Believe me, that’s not a youthful fancy that you grow out of. The desire for a kindred spirit to walk with you through live, watching out for and supporting one another – that desire never goes away. We are designed by God for this.
The disciples once asked Christ the meaning of life. His answer was that the meaning of life was this – to know God personally and to make him known.
This is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. (John 17:3)
[Three Kinds of Love]
Slide graphic: cartoon of man and woman embracing, with thought balloon “True Love!”
Slide text:
EROS physical love
PHILOS brotherly love
AGAPE true love
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)
There are three kinds of love spoken of in the Bible.
EROS is physical intimacy. It includes sexuality, but also includes all the face-to-face, staring deep into each other’s eyes kind of feelings. It is the “chemistry” component of love. Our society today seems to claim that this is true love, and many people today go through physical relationship after physical relationship trying to find true love.
PHILOS is companionship. It is the should-to-shoulder, brothers-in-arms, working together for a united goal. This mutual support is a powerful thing, and absolutely essential to a relationship, but it isn’t true love any more than EROS is.
AGAPE is true love. What is it, though. It is more than chemistry and more than companionship. Non-Christians can have eros and Philos love, but only Christians can have agape love. God is agape-love (1 John 4:8). We are commanded to agape-love each-other as Christ agape-loved us. They will know we are Christians by our agape-love.
There’s a verse in proverbs where Solomon says you can have many friends, but still be a failure. Later, Solomon said that in one man in a thousand he found someone who was his soul-brother, but he had not yet found his soul-mate.
27Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: 28Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found. (Ecclesiastes 7:27-28)
Rudyard Kipling, one of my favorite authors, was referring to this when he said:
One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it’s worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
…
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can’t bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot—and after!
But Kipling’s thousandth man was PHILOS – a blood brother. Solomon said that this brother was a rare find, much more valuable than all your “friends,” but this man is still, Solomon said, not your soul-mate – not your true love.
[True Love is Priceless]
Slide graphics: pictures of Sing-Sing prison, and of Warden Lewis Lawes
Slide text:
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
Good news, the Bible definitely says that there is such a thing as “true love.” The entire 13th chapter of 1st Corinthians is dedicated to it. The first three verses of that chapter talk about the value of true love. No matter what else you have, if you don’t have love, you haven’t got a thing.
In 1921, Lewis Lawes became the warden at Sing Sing Prison. No prison was tougher than Sing Sing during that time. It was 30 miles north of New York, and the origin of the phrase “sent up the river.” The very worst of the worst criminals were sent there, including men like Albert Fish – the original “Hannibal the Cannibal.” It was a notorious place, built in a functioning granite quarry, where the prisoners were forced to work breaking rock each day. Many men died within its walls. But when Warden Lawes retired some 20 years later, that prison had become the model of a modern, humane institution. People often claim that Lewis Lawes was responsible, but he always insisted that: "I owe it all to my wonderful wife, Catherine, who is buried just outside the prison walls."
Catherine Lawes was a young mother with three small children when her husband became the warden. Everybody warned her from the beginning that she should never set foot inside the prison walls, but that didn’t stop her! When the first prison basketball game was held, she went…walking into the gym with her three beautiful kids and she sat in the stands with the inmates. Her attitude was: "My husband and I are going to take care of these men and I believe they will take care of me! I don’t have to worry!"
She insisted on getting acquainted with the men and their records. She discovered one convicted murderer was blind so she paid him a visit. Holding his hand in hers she said, "Do you read Braille?" "What’s Braille?" he asked. So she taught him how to read.
Later, Catherine found a deaf-mute in prison. She went to school to learn how to use sign language. Many said that Catherine Lawes was the body of Jesus that came alive again in Sing Sing from 1921 to 1937. One by one she touched lives of hundreds of prisoners, some of them murderers, rapists, robbers and thugs. She taught these hardened criminals that though society had abandoned them, there was a God above who cared for them and who still wanted them as His own.
Then, in 1937, Catherine was killed in a car accident. The next morning Lewis Lawes didn’t come to work, so the acting warden took his place. It seemed almost instantly the prison knew something was wrong. Even the hardest of the men wept saying to each other “Our lady was killed last night.” The acting warden, as he went on his rounds, found all the prisoners gathered together in the courtyard mourning. He saw these tough men crying.
The following day, her body was resting in a casket in her home, three-quarters of a mile from the prison. As the acting warden took his early morning walk he was shocked to see a large crowd of the toughest, hardest-looking criminals gathered like a herd of animals at the main gate. He came closer and noted tears of grief and sadness. He knew how much they loved Catherine. They promised him they would return to their cells and no one would dishonor their trust because of her. He turned and faced the men, "All right, men, you can go. Just be sure and check in tonight!" Then he opened the gate and a parade of criminals walked, without a guard, the three-quarters of a mile to stand in line to pay their final respects to Catherine Lawes, a woman who made a difference. One of the men, he noticed, was blind, and was being led down the road by other inmates as tears poured from his sightless eyes.
That evening, every one of the men, many under a life sentence without the hope of parole, every one of them checked himself back in to the prison. Every single one came back. It has been often said that God lived in Sing Sing prison through Catherine Lawes.
They say that because this is the kind of love Christ had for you and me. True love. As Christians, we are to model true love, just like Cathrine Lawes did.
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:12)
[Death can’t stop true love]
Slide video: scene from “Princess Bride” where Buttercup, thinking Wesley to be the Dread Pirate Roberts, pushes him over the cliff, only to realize seconds later that he was her Wesley.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?”
“Well, you were dead”
“Don’t you know, death cannot stop true love. It can only delay it for a while”
“I will never doubt again”
“There will never be a need”
True love (agape love) isn’t “love if…” or “love because…”, it is “love period.” True love will be tested. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Love will be tested and tried every day. It is hard work.
People often say “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” That’s just not true. True love means being the first to say you’re sorry. Maybe you think you were right and that they should apologize, but at least you can say that you are sorry that there has been an argument. It takes real courage, real honest-to-God effort to look at someone you love desperately, but don’t necessarily like really well at the moment, and swallow your pride and tell them you love them. You cherish them. You would sacrifice anything for them. You are committed to this relationship and very, very sorry that something has come between you. Can we please talk and work this out. If you want a relationship to last, never let the sun go down on your anger, as the Bible says.
Two young people get married when they are deeply in love and assume that this love will remain their entire lives as long as they don’t actively hurt it. The truth is that love takes commitment and constant, unceasing hard work. It takes two people committed to each other and willing to love each other the way Christ loved us – sacrificially, selflessly, passionately, and single-mindedly.
If you love someone “if..” or “because of…”, then there will come a day when the source of your love is gone. Only “love period” – agape love – is forever.
We love, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19).
[True Love Will Be Tested]
Slide Graphic: WWI soldiers arriving at a train station, crowds gathered to meet them
Slide text:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Verses 4 through 7 describe what true love looks like. Jesus had this agape-love, and taught that a true-love relationship looks just the same. The problem is that society doesn’t teach us to look for these things. Society tells us to look at physical appearances, popularity, and wealth. These aren’t the qualities that God looks at. These isn’t what you should look for either.
But the LORD said to Samuel, ’...The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.‘ (I Samuel 16:7b)
Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love. True devotion will always lead to action - true love.
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and in truth. (I John 3:18)
John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn’t, the girl with the rose.
His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner’s name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond.
The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn’t matter what she looked like.
When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You’ll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I’ll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he’d never seen.
I’ll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:
A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be, grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.
"I’m Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"
The woman’s face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don’t know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"
It’s not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell’s wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. "Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are."
Christ loved you and me when we were very unattractive. He didn’t “love us if…” or “love us because…” – he loved us, period. True love. You are not perfect. No matter how attractive you are, there are some ugly things in your life. Christ knows about them and loves you anyway, period. If you are in a relationship that model’s Christian love, that means that you don’t have to pretend to be perfect. The other person will always love you, period. And you – you will always love them, always protect them, no matter how unattractive they become to you. You don’t love someone because they are attractive, or if they love you – you will love them period. If you make the commitment to love in this way, buckle your seat belts, because that commitment will be tested immediately, and every day after. If you were just faking the “love, period”, you will fail the test.
Of course, as Christians, we are called to love absolutely everyone in this way – to genuinely care about everyone, no matter how unattractive. We’re going to talk more about that in a couple of weeks, but for today, let’s leave it at this – love starts at home. If you can’t genuinely, unconditionally love the people close to you, you needn’t bother trying to love those irritating neighbors, you would just be faking it. True love can’t be faked.
[True Love Wins]
Slide graphics: various pictures of Yannick Noah, the tennis player.
Slide text: Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8a)
The next part of the chapter we’re looking at goes onto say “love never fails.” People read that and interpret it to mean that true love is ruggedly enduring – it never gives out on you. That’s true, but the verse means more than that. This is an active tense. The verse actually means “true love wins.”
One of my favorite sports-heroes is a tennis player named Yannick Noah. You probably don’t know him – before your time. Discovered in Cameroon at age 11 by American tennis legend Arthur Ashe. Won French Open in 1987. Won 27 men’s singles titles and was ranked number three in the world in 1983. After retiring in 1991, he began a very successful music career, and is still very active today in two charitable organizations he founded: "Association des enfants de la terre” and "Fête le Mur”, which raise money to provide housing and access to athletic facilities for underprivileged youth. He can often still be found, racket in hand, giving lessons to young people.
When he played tennis professionally, Yannick was known for several things
• He was the first black tennis player to win a grand slam since Arthur Ashe
• He was famous for when he was in at the net and a lob was hit over his head, he would turn his back to the net, race back and attempt--often successfully--to hit the ball between his legs with his back still towards the net. Even today, when a player attempts such a maneuver in a televised tournament, commentators will mention Noah’s name
• Yannick was the player with heart. The second tournament Yannick won was in Calcutta. The players were staying in the Grand Hotel in the middle of the city – an oasis surrounded by bodyguards. When Yannick returned from the courts late one night he noticed an old man with a rickshaw, waiting in hope of making a few coins to feed his family. The next morning, as Yannick left the hotel for the courts, he saw the man again, and asked him, “Can I take you to the tennis in my rickshaw?” The old man became Yannick’s preferred transportation. Later in the week, Yannick went to his house and met his wife and kids. Yannick went on to win the tournament, and gave the man half of the $6,000 prize.
• He was famous for his hot and cold playing. When he was on, he was inhumanly good. When he was off, he could be beaten by a schoolgirl. Yannick’s famous explanation was “I play better when I’m in love.”
I love that quote. I’ve found the same thing to be absolutely true in my life, and I bet you have or will in yours.
Love wins! Love is what takes the prison world we live in and makes it heaven. Love is what brings life and warmth and light to your existence. When God’s true agape-love is shining through us – that’s when our game is “on.”
[Love is What We Are Looking For]
Slide Graphic: Hands holding a white rock
Slide text:
To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. (Revelation 2:17)
Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked to us on the road? (Luke 28:32)
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:12-13)
[The Feeling] Think about all the things you really love – the best books, the best movies, the best places – the places that have some mystical attraction for you. You see a picture of a place in a magazine, and your heart booms – there’s something about that place that reminds you of what you’ve been looking for your entire life. It’s what you were made for. There’s something about them all, some thread in common that ties them all together. Something no one else can see. Something you can’t even see yourself – just that feeling. Every once in a while you catch a glimpse of it in the corner of your eye, then it’s gone. The echo’s of it die just as they reach your ears. It’s always there hidden from view just under the surface, and it’s only yours. No one else can understand. You can’t even explain it, but it’s absolutely, uniquely you, central to who you are. The thread runs right to your soul. If everything else about you changed, you would still be you as long as you had it. You spend your life trying to dig it up and look at it, to find it and follow it where it leads. You’ve never reached it, never seen it, never tasted it. All the most magical things in your life are only hints that the thing exists.
[The Someone] Everyone – absolutely everyone – has this thing they are searching for, and if there’s a breath left in their body they take that breathe in the hope that they’ll find that special something that all those mystical moments remind them of. Everyone’s place, absolutely every single one of them, is unique in all creation. The thing you are searching for is yours alone – as unique as you, because it is you. It’s a secret from everyone else, not because you keep it from them, but because you can’t explain it. There just aren’t words. Every once in a while, though, you find someone who almost gets it. It’s not the same, but the threads that run through the mystical things in your lives seem to run in the same direction, and every once in a while, they get close enough to almost touch, and when that happens, it’s insane!
[Finding it] That secret thing that makes your soul unique was designed by God. He knows exactly who you are and what your soul was made for. When we get to heaven, we will find it in full. The Chapter in 1st Corinthians we are reading today ends by saying that we can barely see this thing our hearts are burning for now, but we will see it clearly in heaven. And heaven isn’t going to be a bunch of angelic clones. God says that you will be unique even in heaven. Think about it. Revelations 2:17 says God will show you your true self, but the secret will still be known only to you and Him.
We will receive the hidden manna – the wholly satisfied live that mankind has not seen since Adam and Eve fell from grace. This manna is a fully restored relationship with Jesus Christ, the bread of life (John 6:48-52).
This verse in Revelations is in the middle of the letter to the church at Pergamum, which included warnings to avoid the temptation to compromise your life. The hidden manna therefore is a promise to those that overcome and refuse to compromise. God promises to reveal himself to you now and be your spiritual nourishment until that day we can eat with him in heaven. My favorite part of this verse, though, is the promise that God will give me my secret name. We each have one, and each is unique. Don’t you wonder what your name is? New names were given to many people through the bible with their new name speaking about their character or their role. Abram became Abraham - “Father of many nations;” Sarai became Sarah - “Mother of nations;” Simon became Peter - “The Rock.”
One of the primary exports of the city of Pergamum was a white stone that was mined there. These stones were rare. They weren’t used for building.
• Black and White stones were used by juries in courts. If they believed that a person was guilty, they symbolized this by offering their black stone. If they believed they were innocent, they would offer their white stone. The White stone therefore may speak of our innocent status before God once we are forgiven.
• Winners in the Olympics were also given white stones with their names on them. These stones entitled them to be supported at public expense for the rest of their lives. The White stone here may therefore be a symbol of our triumph of faith
• White stones were also used as tokens (tickets if you will) into banquets or feasts, indicating that the bearer has a place reserved at the table. The White stone then would be a ticket ensuring that we could participate in the heavenly banquet with Christ.
• They were given to a man freed from slavery as proof that he had been made a citizen of the province. The white stone then speaks of our citizenship of heaven.
John’s message to the people of Pergamum put heaven in terms they could grasp. When the followers of Christ get to heaven, god will name the thing that makes us unique in all the world. He will give it to us. Then, we will see it clearly. We will see face-to-face.
To be honest, we fragile humans on earth are incapable of true love. We are incapable of being totally selfless, giving ourselves completely. Only Christ could do it. He is our model. We were created for that kind of a relationship, but because we live in a fallen world, that hole in our soul cannot be perfectly filled on earth.
[True Love – Live it Out]
Slide graphics: pictures of students reaching out to people, within the church, running around town, and on mission trips
Slide text:
Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, And which have not entered the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him (1 Corinthians 2:9)
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs (Proverbs 10:12)
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8)
This discussion of true love has talked a lot about God and heaven, because God is the only source of true love, and anything we find here on earth is only a hint of the fulfilment of our secret selves we will find in heaven.
But we need to not be “so heavenly minded that we are no earthly good.” Love is the greatest thing on earth. In the end, the love we have for each other and the love we have for God is the only thing we take out of this world. If you manage to reach heaven without having given yourself up to true love on earth, you will arrive with nothing. Give yourself up to the passionate pursuit of wholehearted agape-love for people in this world. If you succeed in that, it doesn’t matter how successful you were in other areas of your life. God only has one measuring stick. True love wins.
