New Year 2005

Here is some football theology compiled from several reference works including the ‘Religious Broadcasting’ magazine.

Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Bench warmer - Those who do not sing, pray or work. Apparently they do nothing but sit.

Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

Blocking - Standing inside the church door complaining to the pastor about the sermon.

Extra point - What you receive when you tell the preacher the sermon was too short.

Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Fumble - A lousy sermon.

Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation to skip the service.

Halftime - The period between Sunday School and Worship when many choose to leave.

Illegal motion - Leaving before the benediction.

Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.

Quarterback sneak (in the first quarter) - Sunday School teachers entering the church building five minutes after Sunday School begins.

Quarterback Sneak (in the last quarter) - Worshipper quietly gets up during the invitation and sneaks out of church ahead of everybody.

Not to be confused with…

End Run - Getting out of church quickly, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.

Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime".

Trap - You’re called on to pray and are asleep.

Two-minute Warning (from the preacher’s perspective) - The chairman of the board sitting in a front-row pew, taking a look at his watch in full view of the preacher.

Two-minute Warning (from the parishioner’s perspective) - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

"I’m going to do better this year!"

Ah! The first (and last) stanza of the

"New Year’s Anthem."

One of the many problems with self-improvement for Spiritual ends comes in that we must reach within ourselves for the recourses for that improvement. The human mind has only one tool for self-improvement and that is reformation.

If you are going to have reformation.., THEN you must know what you are going to reform. Right?!?! Therefore, we must look into our past life to see what we can reform. Alas, alas!! With careful examination of our past, we find that it is in bad shape.

If we are going to build a better structure, on such an out-of-line past foundation, we have a BIG problem! Therefore the best of human logic kicks in. The better structure MUST be built on a better foundation, because the foundation is ALL IMPORTANT. Therefore, we must clean-up and fix-up the past.

Such logic makes GOOD sense, to the human mind. As a matter of fact, it is the ONLY sense that the human mind can foster, in this matter.

One of the MANY problems with such finite logic is that you CAN’T fix-up or clean-up the past. Even if your past is relatively good, from a human stand point, there is no way you can build a Spiritual life on that relatively good foundation.

I know! Human philosophy says it’s the logical way and the only way, but then human philosophy never prepared anyone for eternity.

An account written by George Will with a few edits makes that point. Mr. Will writes…

Baseball umpires are carved from granite and stuffed with microchips. They are professional dispensers of pure justice.

Once when an umpire called Babe Ruth out on strikes, Ruth made a humanist argument. Ruth based his reasoning on a fallacy (as humans do). Ruth concluded that numbers equate as moral weight, and said.. "There’s 40,000 people here who know that last pitch was a ball.., tomato head."

The umpire replied with measured stateliness,

"Maybe so, but mine is the only opinion that counts."

Even though human logic would indicate something other than God’s instructions, if we are to have the benefits of God’s promises, we must remember that only one opinion counts.

Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?

Proverbs 17:20 He who has a deceitful (that is EVERY human) heart finds no good, and he who has a perverse (that is EVERY human) tongue falls into evil.

Proverbs 21:2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the hearts. 3 To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. 4 A haughty look, a proud heart, and the plowing of the wicked (that is EVERY human) are sin.