Muzzle It

Psalm 39: 1 – 13

Muzzle it

To the Chief Musician. To Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.

1 I said, “I will guard my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, while the wicked are before me.” 2 I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good; And my sorrow was stirred up. 3 My heart was hot within me; While I was musing, the fire burned. Then I spoke with my tongue: 4 “LORD, make me to know my end, and what is the measure of my days, that I may know how frail I am. 5 Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Selah 6 Surely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely, they busy themselves in vain; He heaps up riches and does not know who will gather them. 7 “And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You. 8 Deliver me from all my transgressions; Do not make me the reproach of the foolish. 9 I was mute, I did not open my mouth, because it was You who did it. 10 Remove Your plague from me; I am consumed by the blow of Your hand. 11 When with rebukes You correct man for iniquity, You make his beauty melt away like a moth; Surely every man is vapor. Selah 12 “Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry; Do not be silent at my tears; For I am a stranger with You, a sojourner, as all my fathers were. 13 Remove Your gaze from me, that I may regain strength, before I go away and am no more.”

One person can single handedly ruin a class or group meeting. All the prayer, study and preparation that went into the lesson can be ruined by one person who talks too much. It is frustrating to the teacher or person speaking and to the other people who are in attendance. Here is what you can do about it.

1. The Indirect Appeal

If the problem is mild but persistent begin the session with a statement of your goals. You might say something like this: ‘My goal is to involve everyone in the discussion. Would everyone here agree that this is a good goal? OK, then I want to ask for your help. I want to ask some of you to get real brave and dive in a little more often, while I want to ask some others of you who have already responded to refrain further input until everyone has had a chance to talk. I am not trying to squelch the conversation; quite the contrary. I am trying to get everyone talking. If we get into the discussion and you have shared several times and you notice some of the rest have not shared so much, I want to ask you to allow some of the reserved individuals to comment. Sound fair enough?

Get everyone to nod and agree. If the problem persists, you can probably restate your goal for the meeting.

2. The Private Appeal

The private appeal has the same goal and works in much the same way. Because it is private it tends to be more direct and therefor effective. The key is to not approach this as scolding; that will never work. Instead, appeal to a common goal: good group discussion. The private appeal might go something like this:

Bob, have you noticed that I just can't seem to get everyone here involved in the group study. I was wondering if you could help me? Here is what I have in mind. I know you know the answer to a lot of the questions I ask. It is very impressive to listen to your insight on the matters. I would still like to see if I could get some of the quiet people talking. What would you think about helping me out by refraining from your input for a bit? Let's see if we can get more of the others involved.

3. The Direct Appeal

There comes a time to be more direct. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. It is better to hurt one person's feelings, if that what it takes, than to let one person ruin the whole group for the rest. There is a lot riding on this. Courage is necessary. If it comes down to it, you might need to say something like this: Bob, can I shoot straight with you? You are talking about twice as much as anyone else in the group. While you have some good things to say, others won't talk when you are doing as much talking as you are. I need to ask you to muzzle the quick responses. Here is a rule for you to follow: don't respond until everyone else has talked once. I really need you to do this for the group. Your interest, knowledge is great but I am asking if you can you do this for me?