Meeting Your Spouse's Needs Series

A few years ago, some people were saying, “The difference between gender is more cultural that real.” Anyone believe that?

Genesis tells us that the Creator made two sexes, not one, and that He designed each gender for a specific purpose. Take a good look at male and female anatomy and it becomes obvious that we were crafted to "fit" together. We are to complement one another, not compete!

A few weeks ago, we took a family life survey. Almost 14 % said there had been at least one time of pushing, grabbing, hitting, or slapping in your marriage in the last year. I wept. 14% are in the red zone with two or more key measurements in dangerous or unhealthy ranges. 35% in the yellow zone with one or more key measurements in dangerous or unhealthy ranges. Only 49 % of you are satisfied with your marriage.

I’ve been doing weddings for 16 years. It’s a rare wedding if I have two sets of parents who are still married to the spouse they started out with. Seating parents is a real issue in most every wedding today. Is that really what God intended for marriage? When my boys get married, I want to be sitting there by Maryanne.

Meeting your spouse’s needs:

A plea to couples for radical marriage

Text: Selected

Series: A home that runs

To have a counter-cultural marriage, I need…

1. … a radical commitment to serve.

I’ve it said that to have a great marriage each person needs to give 50% and expect 50% in return. I haven’t seen it work well that way. It’s probably unrealistic to expect that people can give 100% and expect 0% in return. But maybe a helpful way for us to live in our homes is to give 90% and expect 10%. That’s a servant approach to a relationship.

You see, the Christian life is a radically different kind of life. We are to obey Jesus to be like Jesus – to be “Jesus with skin on” as we sometimes say around here.

What did He say? How does He want us to live?

Whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant; and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.

Mark 10:43-45

The old chorus said, “If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all.” If you want to be great in your job, be a servant. If you want to be a great athlete, be a servant to your team and coach. If you want to be a great kid, be a servant. If you want to be a great husband or wife, be a servant.

This is what makes us like Jesus. Serve!

To have a counter-cultural marriage, I need a radical commitment to serve.

2. … a radical fulfillment of love.

Love is more then a feeling. It is a sacrificial meeting of the needs of another. We misunderstand the concept of commitment. It’s not a simple matter of you saying to your spouse, “I commit myself to you” but rather, “By God’s grace, I seek to take care of you and to meet your needs.”

Love shows up when we work in faith to meet our spouse’s needs.

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love.

Galatians 5:6

How is faith working through love in your marriage? Are you meeting each other’s needs?

Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. says men and women almost universally primary needs that must be met to assure a prospering marriage. This morning, I’d like us to focus on three issues for man and three for women. Ladies first!

Her needs:

1. Kindness and gentleness

Would your wife say that you are a gentle man – a gentleman? One verse my wife likes to quote at home to the three males in our family is…

What is desirable in a man is his kindness…

Proverbs 19:22

Gentleness and kindness are marks of being filled with the Holy Spirit.

The fruit of the Spirit is… kindness… gentleness…

Galatians 5:22-23

Think back to your interaction with your wife this past week. Was it gentle? And kind?

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8

2. Conversation and affection

A one-word way to say this is: romance! This is non-sexual stuff, men! Someone said, “Men use romance to get sex and women use sex to get romance.” Wives really need romance: conversation and affection.