Me And The Mrs. Series

we protect our marriage from getting to that point where we don’t know each other because

everything’s all about the kids? We have a lot of friends who do weekly date night. We think

that’s a great idea. We’ve never done that. We’ve never had like a set time. Part of it is, I don’t

like to go to movies, she doesn’t like to eat late, so what are we going to do? But we do other …

SS: We do. Early on, in our community group, we did—this was really after we first got married,

we did a book called The Five Love Languages, and I discovered then that Andy’s a quality time

person. What speaks love to him more than anything else is just quality time together. And I’m a

to do list kind of person. I want to get it done, check it off, get it done, and check it off. And so

this was an adjustment for me. So I think even during those early years, we would just find

things to do that would be quality time together. Now that we don’t need babysitters and stuff,

we just hop in the car and go drive around, get a Starbucks and just kind of download all of our

day and information and all that and catch up.

AS: You know what she used to do? This is so amazing. When she figured out I was quality

time, and I knew she was acts of service. This is the most capable woman on the planet. I mean,

the capacity is just unbelievable what she can do all at one time. That’s the thing. I mean, I have

to do one thing at a time and then take a break.

SS: Most women are that way.

AS: Most women are that way. Your brains are better connected, I’ve heard. So I’d be coming

home, and here she’s had this day with all these kids and everything’s going, and she’d call me

up and she’d say, “Don’t get out of the car. I’ve already gotten a babysitter. I’m just going to

come out and get in the car. Let’s go somewhere and just talk until they turn the lights off.” Oh,

my gosh. I’m like, Well, I want to do laundry; I want to come and clean out the dishwasher. It

was so powerful to me, but you know what it was? It was a way of playing into what she knew spoke love to me, which motivated me like crazy to do the things that spoke love to her. But it

was a way of prioritizing the marriage, not to the exclusion of our children. Our kids aren’t time

deprived, believe me. But in terms of keeping it central. And again, it was just a habit. And most

of these things we were taught as kids; most of these things we learned early. We are so very,

very, very blessed in that regard. But the point, and the big takeaway for all of you and for all of

us is you have to establish guardrails, because they direct and they protect. And if you don’t do

it, culture in every area will lead us up to the brink of disaster and then push us over.

We have concluded that the greatest gift we can give our children is a great marriage. I would die

over my belief in that principle. If we did almost nothing for our children but gave them a great

marriage, then that counts for more than anything else. But to do that, you have to have

guardrails.