Marriage Part 5 – Being Single Series

Marriage Part 5 – Being Single

Scripture: Proverbs 18:22; First Corinthians 7:1-9; 32-35

Good morning, Strangers Rest. This is part five of my series on marriage and the title today is “Being Single.” When I started this series I had not anticipated having a message for those of you who are single. But after being asked about it and praying about it, I will share with you a few thoughts on this subject that I believe is Spirit led. I do want to give this disclaimer – a married man telling a single person how to be single is like a man telling a woman, who is not his wife, to submit. I understand where the lines are drawn, so my approach will focus on singles who have a desire to marry one day.

Data shows that the marriage rate has decreased significantly since 1990. In 2016, the median age for a first marriage was 27.4 for women and 29.5 for men, which is roughly seven years older than the median age in 1960. What is also interesting is that the share of adults aged 25 to 54 who are currently married fell from 67% in 1990 to 53% in 2019, while the percentage of single men and women cohabiting more than doubled over that same period. This rise is possibly due to the fact that nearly one half of U.S. adults (48%) believe that couples who live together before marriage increase their chances of having a successful marriage than those who don’t. I share this information with you to demonstrate that a single person desiring to be married faces some unspoken challenges.

Our society places a lot of pressure on single adults who have never been married. It’s almost like something is wrong with a person if they remain single into their late thirties and early forties. And heaven forbid if they are single when they reach the age of fifty – especially for women. If you are a woman and have never been married and you’re in your late forties, someone somewhere has asked you about it. They want to know what the holdup is. Is the problem you or are your standards too high? I heard a lady in Church say that “a piece of a man is better than no man at all.” This was how she really thought about her need for a man. It was that important to her.

When we look at how we raise our children we start planting seeds into the minds of our daughters so that the expectation is that they will marry and produce grandchildren for us. By the time our daughters are toddlers, they will have already been told that one day they will be a beautiful bride and have been given Barbie and Ken dolls to play with. By the time they reach junior high school there is peer-pressure for them to have a boyfriend and from that point on it does not stop. By the time our daughters are in their twenties hints are being dropped as to when they will marry and start having babies and again, it seems to snowball from that point on. However, it is different for boys. Boys grow up doing boy things like playing sports and now, video games. Boys do not grow up being trained to one day be husbands like girls are trained to be wives. You see, our society places the burden on the female “to find a husband” and this is the problem. Solomon said, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22) Don’t get this twisted – he did not say, “She who finds a husband….” So, ladies if you want to be married, think about allowing yourself to be “found” versus you doing the “finding.”

As I said at the beginning, I will be focusing on those singles who have a desire to be married. It is important to note that not every single person has a desire to be married and that is okay if they are a Christian and can keep from sinning. Yes, even though society says that it is normal and acceptable, God says sex outside of marriage is a sin punishable by eternal separation from Him without repentance. And by repentance I mean the Bible’s definition of repentance which is to stop, turn around and go in a different direction – not pause until the next time you have a chance to do it. So, if you are a Christian and you cannot contain yourself, you should marry to keep your soul out of hell.

But going back to what society tells us. There is a fundamental belief that never getting married is a major failure, especially since God made woman for man. Based on God making Eve to complement Adam, there is a belief that a person cannot be whole unless they are married. This is not true. In fact, I am going to show you in God’s word that is it fine to be single if you can do so without acting like you’re married. There are some advantages to being single. Turn with me to First Corinthians chapter seven and we will begin reading at verse one. I wanted to start here so that you would see that this was also an issue for the Church at Corinth. They had written to Paul asking him about the proper relationship a man and woman should have, and we are going to read his answer in the following verses. I will be reading from the Amplified Bible beginning at verse one of First Corinthians chapter seven. It says, “(1) Now as to the matters of which you wrote: It is good (beneficial, advantageous) for a man not to touch a woman [outside marriage]. (2) But because of [the temptation to participate in] sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband….. (6) But I am saying this as a concession, not as a command…. (8) But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, [that as a practical matter] it is good if they remain [single and entirely devoted to the Lord] as I am.” (First Corinthians 7:1-2, 6, 8 Amp) In these verses Paul explains that if a person cannot contain themselves, refrain from sex outside of marriage, they should marry. However, in verse eight, he says it would be good if they remained single and thus be devoted to the Lord. So, we see here that there is no distain for the person who chooses not to marry. In fact, it could have some benefits. Let’s continue with verse thirty-two.