Marriage Matters Series

Marriage Matters

Rev. Brian Bill

Ephesians 5:21-33

April 13-14, 2024

I heard about what happened at a golden wedding anniversary party for a couple. The husband was very moved by the occasion and wanted to share his feelings with his wife. She was hard of hearing, however, and often misunderstood what he said. With many family members and friends gathered around, he toasted her and said, “My dear wife, after 50 years I’ve found you tried and true!”

Everyone clapped and cheered for them, but his wife looked irritated and asked, “What did you say?” So he repeated it again, this time with more volume: “AFTER 50 YEARS, I’VE FOUND YOU TRIED AND TRUE!”

The wife, now visibly upset, shouted back, “Well, let me tell you something – after 50 years I’m TIRED OF YOU, TOO!”

It’s easy for married couples to get tired of each other by settling into predictable routines where both spouses stop listening and loving.

It was Henny Youngman who said, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”

Is there a secret to a meaningful marriage, where a wife is secure in her husband’s love and a husband knows he is significant because his wife respects him? Is it possible to have a tried and true marriage?

Before we jump in, I want to mention two things.

• Due to the depth of the Book of Ephesians and its application to our lives, I’ve been led to extend this sermon series so we can slow down and plumb its depths. This is actually the second time I’ve expanded the series. When we’re finished, I believe there will be six more sermons than I had planned.

• About four years ago, in the middle of the pandemic, I preached on this same passage from Ephesians. Since many did not hear this message, I’ve decided to revise and expand elements of that message for this weekend.

Preliminary Points

1. If you are single, divorced or widowed, you may feel like this message on marriage doesn’t apply to you and you may feel like checking out but let me encourage you not to. By listening to this message, you are showing your high regard and support for marriage. We live in a culture that dismisses marriage as an irrelevant relic of tradition. The spirit of our times has vigorously sought to dilute the sanctity of marriage through its condescending disregard, disrespect, and redefinition. As Christians, whether we are married, divorced, widowed or single, we must reclaim marriage as a gift from God.

The truth is that marriage has never found its worth or definition from any society or culture because ultimately marriage is a divine institution. Marriage between one man and one woman is the exclusive design of God’s personal genius. It has withstood the test of time and will continue to endure as a living memorial of God’s gracious provision for His creatures, created in His perfect wisdom and established by His infinite power to reflect Christ’s love for the church. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all.”

2. A good marriage is more than being with the right person; it’s being the right person. One pastor writes: “I think the biggest investment that a wife or a husband can make in their spouse is the investment they make in their own souls…so, at 73 I’m fighting for my marriage every day by fighting for my holiness.”

3. Marriage is not 50/50 where you go halfway and then wait for your spouse to catch up. No. We’re called to give 100% because as 1 Corinthains 13:7 says, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Every marriage can get better when it’s centered on Christ and when both spouses live out their God-given roles and responsibilities.

4. If you are in an abusive and dangerous relationship, please find a safe place and get some help.

Submit to One Another

Please turn to Ephesians 5:21, which is where we ended last weekend: “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” It is unacceptable for anyone to exalt themselves as better than anyone else. This is similar to Paul’s exhortation in Philippians 2:3: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” We are called to humbly submit to our spouses by focusing on their interests, concerns, and needs. This requires a servant attitude where we lay our rights and ambition aside.

I’ve mentioned this before, but a helpful metaphor of marriage is the image of cultivating a garden. A good gardener breaks up the ground and plants the seed. The gardener proactively cares for what has been planted by watering, fertilizing, weeding, and pruning in order to enjoy the harvest to come. If you want a good garden, it will take an enormous amount of work and constant attention.