Israel’s Experience With Human Kings” Series

Recently I came across an article entitled, "What If David Were A Baby-Boomer?" They gave a mock presentation of what King David might have said in today's atmosphere had he been caught red-handed with this type of sin. Just imagine the following:

My fellow countrymen I have requested this airtime on CNN in Israel to speak to you about questions regarding my relationship to a woman you have heard a lot about in recent months. Of course, I am referring to my newest wife, Bathsheba. Many of you have wondered about why we married so soon after the death of one of our national heroes, her late husband, Uriah. Many rumors have been spread concerning the tragic death of our son, shortly after his birth.

I acknowledge there was something inappropriate about my relationship with this woman before our marriage. My assertion, that I did not have sexual relations with my wife before our marriage was technically correct (for she was not my wife before our marriage.) I was also correct when I affirmed that when Uriah was killed in battle I had nothing to do with it, because the battle orders were issued by General Joab. However, I know I did not volunteer to reveal any additional information and you may feel that you have been misled.

There are good reasons why I kept silent these past twelve months and why I made my previous statements. For one thing, I didn't see any reason why I should suffer public embarrassment by a revelation about one of my relationships which is strictly personal. I was also concerned about the impact this information would have on my other wives and my other children. Most of all, I felt like it was grossly unfair to cast a shadow over the integrity of my wife, Bathsheba.

You are probably sensing in my voice, great anger and I believe I have a right to be angry. What happened between Bathsheba and me was a private matter and should have been handled within the royal family. This prophet, Nathan, is simply mean-spirited, a scandal monger, and just looking to cause trouble. This man has not only said that I deserve judgment for what I've done, but has the audacity to predict that I'll have to live with the consequences of my actions the rest of my life.

I come before you today to say, "Enough is enough." This matter is between me and my family and our God. It is not the business of the prophet or anyone else. It should be kept within our family and in the privacy of our personal consciences. In other words, it is time to move on.

My family and I need time to heal from these terrible tragedies we have experienced and from the unmerciful meddling of this nasty, mean-spirited prophet. As a nation, we must face the current threats of the Philistines and the Ammonites. We must deepen our national unity. We must build on the prosperity that I brought to you during my reign and it is time for me to get back to serving the Israeli people.

This will be my last statement on the subject, so good-night. May God bless you and may God bless the United Kingdom of Israel.