Individualism And Making Holy Families Series

Homily for Feast of the Holy Family

Sir 3: 2-7, 12-14; Psalm 127; Col 3: 12-21; Lk 2: 22-40

Version 2 (request that lector read the long version of Colossians)

Is any English word so misunderstood today as the key word in Paul’s letter to the church of Colossae? No, I don’t mean the word “submit”–the one that makes most preachers run away from the second reading. I mean the word “love.” Too often the word love is used as a synonym for the word “prefer,” as when someone says, “I love chocolate.” Or it means you enjoy the company of someone, or, the worst case, you like to take advantage of someone. Confusing love with preference, liking, or lust is a symptom of an epidemic disease of our day–individualism.

Individualism, as preached by media stars of the past like Ayn Rand or media stars of the right like Rush Limbaugh, is often a reaction to the hive mentality that is widespread in the culture. I can feel pressured to act just like everybody else. If I’m young, that might mean boring multiple holes in my skin for jewelry. If I’m older, it might be pressure to abuse alcohol or tell dirty jokes at guys night out. Isn’t it ironic when friends adopt a lifestyle that is self-abusive, that imitates the unhealthy behavior of others, they tend to justify it by saying “I’ve got to be true to myself”?

Individualism, like most isms, is a philosophy of “me, first.” “I don’t care about anything or anybody but me.” Unfortunately, individualism is not as liberating as we might initially think. Often enough it simply means being enslaved to some behavior that isn’t good for us or anyone else. That’s why the Church teaches that, yes, we have to make our own decisions, we have to follow our own conscience, but those decisions must be made by a rightly-formed conscience. In other words, our conscience must be conformed to the will of God.

Where do we form our conscience? The same place Jesus, as man, formed his human conscience. He grew in wisdom, tutored by Mary and Joseph. We, too, form conscience, either wisely or foolishly, in the hearts of our families. We form conscience by watching how our mothers and fathers act. Oh, we listen to what they tell us about being kind, and honest, and obedient and helpful, but we learn a great deal more from their example than from their words.

Let me share with you some realities: we know, for instance, that children who grow up with divorce are about twice as likely to be divorced as their parents were. That very fact should be a good motivation for anyone who is having marital difficulties to seek marital counseling before an attorney. The prophet Malachi is pretty clear. He says “God hates divorce.” Jesus is no fan of divorce himself–“what God has joined, no man may separate.” Marriage is a sacrament, a grace-giving event, precisely because those of us who are married need daily grace to draw closer together, to become one flesh as God intended.

Here’s an idea for those of you who are married or are planning marriage: in this passage from St. Paul, substitute the word “serve” for the words “submit” and “love.” It’s only in loving service to my spouse that I learned what love can be, and how love can transform. By seeing myself as a loving servant, or a servant-lover, I turn away from individualism and selfishness toward the community of love that is family.

While we’re considering ways in which individualism harms families, let’s consider what has come from two generations of contraception among U.S. Catholics. It was just in the 1970s that Pope Paul VI affirmed the teaching that the Church has promoted from the beginning–each and every marital act must be open to the transmission of life. That is, we may not interfere chemically or physically with the marital union. That was a hard teaching for a generation of individualists. The polls say that most Christians, Catholic or not, have practiced contraception. But we were fooled–I say many of us were duped--by the Rockefellers and the Hefners of the world, and even by some so-called moral theologians. Contraception did not bring husband and wife closer together. It drove them apart. We now know that the Pill causes abortions. In fact, for some birth-control pills causing early abortion is the way it prevents children. We know that there is a correlation between contraception and divorce, and other family problems. We also know that families who use God’s methods of birth regulation are stronger, stay together for life, and generate the religious and priestly vocations our Church desperately needs.

I could go on with problem after problem besetting the family today–pornography, excessive television, consumerism, child and spouse abuse–but want instead to recommend a way out. If we are truly disciples of Jesus Christ, then it is time to consider ways to offer our families as labs for true love. We really need to do three things as families to reverse the family decline in American culture. First, we need to pray as family. Yes, weekly Mass, but also daily prayer such as the Rosary, and family time for celebrating the Sacrament of Penance. I learned to confess my sins by watching my father every month confess his. Second, we need to learn how to build up our families in loving service. There are study guides to John Paul’s wonderful encyclicals “The Gospel of Life” and “The Community of Family.” And third, we need to work to promote strong families in our community. I would like from personal experience to recommend Marriage Encounter as a great start. It’s great in this parish to see whole families involved in the ACTS movement. I know that there will be family retreats as well.