Husbands And Wives

I was in a Bible study with a group of Freeport pastors a few weeks ago and we came to a passage where the Bible clearly says that God led someone to go back into an unjust situation and submit to the injustice. And I'm sure there is a time for that. How many long-suffering wives have successfully reformed their immature and selfish husbands by hanging in there and loving them?

But some of the black pastors said right away, that's the kind of thing that they told our ancestors who were in slavery, God wants you to just submit to injustice. And there have been times when pastors have sent abused wives back into marriages, telling them to just keep submitting to abuse and injustice and everything would be all right. But it isn't always all right and sometimes horrible things happen. You can't just submit all the time. In our Bible study we decided that God has given the church two tools. One tool is submission. Sometimes a quiet, serving, loving heart will turn an unreasonable man around. Sometimes its just the tool to use. But some people will not learn from that, and then there is the prophetic resistance to evil and oppression. And the trick for the church is to know the right time to use each of those tools. We cannot just tell people to submit to evil forever.

There are two other positions on how to interpret this passage. Both of them have some very committed and conscientious Christians who hold them. Both of them have solid, healthy, Christian marriages who use them as models. Those are positions two and three.

The first position focused on Paul's words to the wives. I'll call it the controlling husband. The second position focuses on Paul's words to the husbands, and that changes the equation dramatically. I'll call it the servant leader husband. As soon as you consider what Paul said to the husbands, the first position, the controlling husband just falls apart.

This second position still sees the husband as the head of the household, but with a very specific understanding of what that position means. How are husbands supposed to treat their wives? Paul says in verse 25, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Does Christ arbitrarily boss us around? Does Christ demean us? No way! And so Paul's teaching leaves no ground for a husband to do those things to his wife. Paul clearly had in mind that husbands would be servant leaders. How did Christ love the church? Jesus described his ministry to the church by saying that he did not come "to be served but to serve and to give his life." (Mark 10:45). Husbands, that's the model for how God wants you to treat your wives. Jesus doesn't just force us to love him. That's impossible. What he did was he came to us, he served us, and he even died on a cross for us. We love him because he first loved us so much, not because he forces us.

Husbands, God calls you to serve your wives. The Bible is very clear here. And that is a word that our culture needs to hear right now. Too often husbands put all their energy into bringing home the paycheck, and Monday Night Football and they leave the rest to the wives, the emotional care of the family, spiritual nurture, discipline of the children, helping the children with homework. Are there any husbands here who have to admit that you sometimes don't put enough energy into your family, that you have just left it to your wife? I have to admit I've done that. In many ways that is the role our culture trains us for.