How To Handle Confrontation

Text: 1 Tim 5:1-2, Title: How to Handle Confrontation, Date/Place: WHBC, 8.19.18, AM

A. Opening illustration: The bad news is ------the church is like a family. If any athlete was known for focus, it was Michael Jordan. In Jordan’s book, Driven from Within, Fred Whitfield, president and chief operating officer of the NBA’s Charlotte Bobcats basketball team, tells a fascinating story about something Jordan did while getting ready to go out one evening. When Jordan asked if he could borrow a jacket from Whitfield, he found that Whitfield’s closet was filled with both Nike and Puma products. The Nike outfits had been given to Whitfield because of his relationship with Jordan, who had a lucrative contract with the company. The Puma outfits had been given to Whitfield because of his relationship with ex-basketball player and Puma representative Ralph Sampson. Whitfield recalls that Jordan walked into the living room, laid all the Puma gear on the floor, and went into the kitchen to grab a butcher knife. When Jordan returned to the living room, he proceeded to cut all of the Puma clothes to shreds. He then picked up the scraps and carried everything to the dumpster. Once Jordan came back inside, he turned to Fred and said, "Don’t ever let me see you in anything other than Nike. You can’t ride the fence!"

B. Background to passage: Lots of issues and people to confront. Do it wisely. Language is that of family.

C. Main thought: Paul is instructing Timothy how to handle the confrontation of sin in the family

1) Intentionally (v. 1)

a. Whole letter is about confronting issues in the church. They were to be handled immediately, rather than wait for explosive tension. Paul was concerned about this church. People were teaching false doctrine, gossiping, focusing on minutia, dressing to impressing, usurping authority, shipwrecking faith of others, and they had to be confronted, commanded, and dealt with right away.

b. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger -Eph 4:26

c. Illustration: splinters fester, wounds can get infected, even gangrene, "Life without confrontation is directionless, aimless, passive. When unchallenged, human beings tend to drift, wander and stagnate. Confrontation is a gift, a necessary stimulation to jog one out of mediocrity or prod one back from extremes."

d. Unity of the church is on the line here. People’s individual relationships with Christ are on the line. The gospel is on the line and its urgency would not be felt with force, if the weight of internal struggles is crushing. Confrontation does not have a bad thing. In a family environment it is necessary and helpful. However, sometimes our way of handling conflict is not good; to avoid people, give them the cold shoulder, not speak to them, make snide comments, rally troops, spread the word, exaggerate the problem, manipulate with guilt, gossip, hold grudges, publicly embarrass, or bully. We must not let conflict distract or destroy, that is the work of Satan. Deal with issues head on, in love.

2) Gently (v. 1-2)

a. The purpose of confronting sin in the family is that people might repent and not shipwreck their faith. It is always done redemptively. The goal is to restore proper relationships within the family, and with family members and God. Therefore, we must avoid any disrespect. To offend the offender is to act against the end goal. The bible commands respect for fathers and mothers

b. Argumentation

c. Illustration: Often is it not about what you say as much as how you say it. We discipline our children, but we must be careful that we do not to it in anger, we must maintain control. When I was a director of missions, I got a letter from an irate youth pastor in our association about a speaker we brought in.

d. For both older men and women, we are to have respect. Note: this works the other way too. We should be very careful about our word choice, our tone, our body language. We want to communicate love to another. However, love is not avoiding dealing with sin, rather it is a matter of sharp rebuke vs. coming alongside to encourage. Choosing the time wisely for confrontation is necessary. When people are stressed or in the heat of an argument is not the time. When you are short on time, that is not a good time. When you can only send a text, that is not a good time. Face to face is best, phone calls next, but avoid emails and texts if at all possible. If you must you email, think through every word, because tone, inflexion, facial expression, etc., cannot be seen; the same written words can be taken different ways. Ex: Supreme Court. We have a tendency to say things in an email or text that we would say face to face.