How To Handle Anger Constructively Series

Compiled by: Herman Abrahams (Pastor), Cornerstone Faith Ministries, P.O. Box 740, Westridge 7802, Rep. of South Africa.

E-Mail: Mentorship2003@yahoo.co.uk

Note to the reader:

If you have been blessed with this sermon compilation, I would be honoured to receive an e-mail from you simply stating where in the world you are based; I do not need any other information. This is merely so that I can have the pleasure of giving thanks to Almighty God, that all over the globe, the ministry which he has entrusted to me, is blessing the body of Christ and helping to extend the Kingdom of God.

Thank you.

Herman Abrahams,

Cape Town, South Africa.

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Primary Bibliography: (‘The Healthy Christian Life’ Frank Minirth, Paul Meier, Richard Meier & Don Hawkins, BAKER BOOK HOUSE)

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HOW TO HANDLE ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY

Ephesians 4:26-27; Leviticus 19:17-18

EPHESIANS 4:26-27

Eph 4:26 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

Eph 4:27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

LEVITICUS 19:17-18

Lev 19:17 “ ‘Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.

Lev 19:18 “ ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

There is anger that is valid and also an anger that is invalid. Before we move on to the proper way of handling anger, let’s consider invalid anger for a moment .

There are times when we feel angry, because what we perceived to have been a personal right that was violated, was not a valid right at all. Our "right" was based on selfish demands or on perfectionist standards. In these circumstances , it’s best to yield such perceived rights to God. This type of anger should not be addressed with an offender since there is, in fact, no valid offender.

ILLUSTRATION

For example, a father is reading his newspaper when his small son jumps up into his lap and tugs at the bottom of the paper, wanting his father’s attention. The father feels a surge of anger within. Why? He at first perceives that his right to read the paper without being disturbed is being violated. On second thought (if he is a good father), he realizes that this is not a valid right in light of the circumstances. It originates in a selfish motivation. Of course his son is more important than reading the paper, so he yields his per¬ceived right to God, and the feeling of anger dissipates. (‘The Healthy Christian Life’ Frank Minirth, Paul Meier, Richard Meier & Don Hawkins, BAKER BOOK HOUSE)

When feelings of anger come to you, don’t react immediately by expressing any words or actions. Stop! Think! Is your anger valid? Then deal with it scripturally. If your anger is not valid, let it go. Give it to God by confessing it as a sin and thank him for giving you the wisdom to tell the difference!

Now we will look at three things to do with anger that will lead to its proper resolution in your life.

1. THE FIRST THING TO DO IS VERBALIZE YOUR ANGRY FEELINGS.

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God’s Word teaches us to confront our offender if possible.

(Matthew 18:15-17).

A BROTHER WHO SINS AGAINST YOU

Mt 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.

Mt 18:16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

Mt 18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

It is important to stand up for yourself and for what you believe is right, as long as you do so without feelings of vengeance or of getting even. Neither should you imply that you will seek to retaliate in the future.

A) To verbalize is to turn your angry feelings into words. Tell the person exactly what you feel. In doing so, you are not attacking him but confessing your own feelings. Emphasize an "I feel" message rather than a "you" accusation or a "why" question. For example, "I felt very hurt and angry when you belittled me in front of all those people."

B) Sometimes when the offender cannot be confronted directly, it is helpful to write out your feelings in a letter which you can either send to him or might decide to just throw away. This allows you to verbalize your feelings, but in written form, which takes the potentially de¬structive energy out of them.