Happily Ever After?

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.: Genesis 2:18-24

Three Truths about Marriage:

1. The goal of marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.

A husband and wife are to become one. This doesn’t mean that they will always agree. This doesn’t mean that they will never argue. This means that they will stay united and that their marriage is characterized by selflessness and sacrifice. Great marriages are the result of husbands and wives making a lot of everyday choices that say, “I love you,” rather than choices that say, “I love me.”

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The Bible says that a crucial quality of Christ-like love is that love “does not seek its own.” (1 Corinthians 13:5) Another way to say this is that love is not selfish. Our problem as sinful human beings is that we want what we want when we want it. If we would cure selfishness, it would be like replanting the Garden of Eden!

Dave Willis says, “A strong marriage is born the day a husband and wife decide to stop fighting against each other and start fighting for each other.”

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The verses above describe true Christ-like love. Since this is the type of love that we are to have in our marriages, this should describe all Christian husbands and wives. Is the following true in your marriage?

Husbands and wives are patient, husbands and wives are kind and are not jealous; husbands and wives do not brag and are not arrogant, they do not act unbecomingly; they do not seek their own, they are not provoked, they do not take into account a wrong suffered, they do not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoice with the truth; they bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. Love never fails.

2. Marriage is hard work.

“You don’t fall into a great marriage. You build one.” -Dustin Saunders

In order to have a great marriage, you must:

A. Work on your marriage.

Let’s talk about working on your marriage. Some say that the grass is greener on the other side. That’s not true. The grass is green where you water it. Dave Willis said, “Marriage is not 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage is 100-100. It isn’t dividing everything in half, but giving everything you’ve got.”

The Marriage Box

Most people get married believing a myth; that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; companionship, romance, sexual fulfillment, intimacy, friendship, laughter, financial security. The truth is that marriage, at the start, is an empty box. You must put some things into it before you can take anything out of it. There is no love in marriage; love is in people, and people put it into their marriage. There is no romance in marriage; people have to put it into their relationship. A couple must discern what things work to improve their relationship and form the habits of communicating, giving, sacrificing, sharing, loving, touching, serving and praising. In other words, keeping the box full. If you take out more that you put in, the box will be empty!