Handling An Opposite Temperament In Marriage Series

HANDLING AN OPPOSITE TEMPERAMENT IN MARRIAGE

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Amos 3:3

Key Verse: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” — Amos 3:3

Supporting Texts: Proverbs 24:3; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10; Colossians 3:12-14; Ephesians 4:2-3; 1 Peter 3:7

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a covenant that brings two different individuals into one lifelong union. Each person enters marriage with a unique temperament, personality, communication style, and emotional response system. These differences are not accidental; they are part of God’s creative design and are meant to complement, not destroy, the relationship.

However, temperament differences often create tension, misunderstanding, conflict, impatience, and emotional distance in marriages. A talkative person may marry a quiet one; a highly organised person may marry a spontaneous one; a calm person may marry an expressive partner. When these differences are not understood biblically, couples begin to wrestle with what God intended to bless them.

Understanding how to handle opposite temperaments in marriage is essential for peace, unity, intimacy, and long-term joy. When both partners embrace God’s wisdom, they learn to appreciate each other’s strengths, manage weaknesses with maturity, and build a home where love flows freely despite their differences.

1. UNDERSTANDING TEMPERAMENTS BUILDS COMPASSION AND ACCEPTANCE

Understanding your spouse’s temperament helps you respond with empathy rather than frustration. It also creates room for patience and compassion in communication and daily interactions.

a) God created every temperament uniquely – Psalm 139:14

Every personality is fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Recognising this truth helps spouses avoid trying to change each other by force and instead appreciate who God created their partner to be.

b) Knowledge reduces conflict – Proverbs 24:3

When couples understand why their spouse thinks, speaks, or reacts in a particular way, conflicts reduce drastically. Understanding brings wisdom, and wisdom brings peace.

c) Temperament differences can complement one another – Romans 12:6

God often pairs different temperaments so that each person’s strength covers the other’s weakness. What frustrates you today may be the strength God uses to bless your marriage.

d) Acceptance is the foundation of true intimacy – Ephesians 4:2

Marriage thrives where spouses accept each other with humility, gentleness, and patience. Acceptance nurtures emotional safety and deep connection.

Biblical Example:

Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) had opposite temperaments, Martha was active and practical, Mary was reflective and relational. Jesus valued both expressions, teaching us that different personalities bring balance and beauty.

2. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION MAKES TEMPERAMENT DIFFERENCES MANAGEABLE

Communication styles differ in marriage, but with patience and intentionality, couples can build understanding and harmony.

a) Speak the truth in love – Ephesians 4:15

Communication must be honest yet gentle. Couples with opposite temperaments must learn to express themselves lovingly, not harshly or emotionally.

b) Be quick to hear and slow to respond – James 1:19

Listening is vital. A spouse who listens well understands well, and understanding builds emotional connection.

c) Use words that edify – Colossians 4:6

Words should be seasoned with grace. A calm spouse must learn to express more, and an expressive spouse must learn to tone down; both must speak graciously to avoid wounds.

d) Communicate needs clearly – Proverbs 15:1

Many marital conflicts come from assumptions, not reality. Clear communication helps both spouses express their needs without blame or anger.

Biblical Example:

Aquila and Priscilla (Acts 18:24-26) communicated with unity and grace in ministry and marriage. They corrected Apollos privately and respectfully, showing mature communication in partnership.

3. CULTIVATING PATIENCE AND FORGIVENESS CREATES EMOTIONAL SAFETY

Opposite temperaments will clash, but patience and forgiveness keep the marriage healthy and strong.

a) Love is patient and kind – 1 Corinthians 13:4

Patience acts as a cushion that absorbs differences instead of turning them into arguments.

b) Forgiveness keeps the heart free – Colossians 3:13

Differences will lead to misunderstandings. Forgiveness heals wounds and prevents bitterness from taking root.

c) Understand weaknesses without condemnation – Galatians 6:2

Every temperament has weaknesses. Instead of criticising your spouse, learn to carry their burdens with understanding.

d) Give room for growth – Philippians 1:6

Your spouse is a work in progress. Allow time for change rather than demanding instant perfection.

Biblical Example:

Joseph showed patience, compassion, and forgiveness toward his brothers (Genesis 45:1-8). His example teaches that emotional maturity can preserve relationships even when personalities differ.

4. WORKING TOGETHER IN UNITY BUILDS A STRONG AND BALANCED MARRIAGE

Opposite temperaments become a blessing when couples work together intentionally and combine their strengths.

a) Two are better than one – Ecclesiastes 4:9

Different temperaments bring different strengths. When united, couples become more effective in decisions, finances, parenting, and spiritual growth.

b) Unity invites God’s blessing – Psalm 133:1–3

A united home becomes a place where God commands peace, provision, and strength.

c) Share responsibilities according to strengths – Exodus 18:21

Assign tasks based on each spouse’s temperament. The organised one can plan; the bold one can negotiate; the calm one can stabilise the family atmosphere.