God Never Said... Forgive And Forget Series

I invite you to turn in your Bibles to Matthew 18.

Forgive and forget.

Let bygones be bygones.

That’s all water under the bridge.

Time heals all wounds (or maybe it’s “time wounds all heels.” I can never remember which).

Have you ever had someone say one of those things to you?

Or how about this one: “Bury the hatchet.”

That phrase always struck me as strange—because when I was at my angriest, I knew exactly where I wanted to bury the hatchet. And I’m pretty sure that’s not what the person meant.

That saying actually comes from a peace ritual practiced by some Native American tribes. When fighting tribes decided to end hostilities, they would bury their weapons as a public signal that the fighting was over—not pretending the conflict never happened, but choosing not to keep living by the weapon.

It sounds good. It really does.

But here’s the problem with burying the hatchet: when the old anger flares back up, we’re surprisingly good at digging it up again.

Maybe we should have buried the shovel too.

We are in the second week of our series God Never Said That, where we’re looking at phrases that sound biblical, feel spiritual, and get repeated often—but aren’t actually found in Scripture.

And some of you might be surprised to learn that Jesus never said, “forgive and forget.” Because it sounds like something He would say.

After all, doesn’t Hebrews 8:12 say that God will “forgive our iniquities and remember our sins no more”? Doesn’t Psalms 103 say that as far as the east is from the west, that’s how far God removes our transgressions from us? And doesn’t Micah 7:19 say that He casts our sins into the depths of the sea?

So… forgive and forget, right?

Not quite.

Because those verses are not describing divine amnesia—they are describing divine mercy. When Scripture says God “remembers” our sins no more, it means He no longer holds them against us. He does not resurrect them. He does not weaponize them. They are dealt with—fully and finally.

And here’s the crucial difference: Scripture never asks us to forget the way God forgives. It asks us to forgive the way God remembers.

So this morning, I want to show you that not only is “forgive and forget” not in the Bible—

it isn’t possible,

it isn’t redemptive,

and most importantly, it isn’t the gospel.

Let’s read together the clearest instructions Jesus gives us about forgiveness and conflict. This is Matthew 18, beginning in verse 15. And as we read, notice that “forgive and forget” isn’t anywhere in Jesus’ teaching on how broken relationships are healed.

READ MATTHEW 18:15-17

This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. Let’s pray.

Point 1: Forgive and Forget Isn’t Possible

Before we talk about anything else, we need to start here—with something very basic and very honest.

It isn’t possible .

That’s not how God made us. It might work for childhood arguments, like whose turn it is on the swings, but when you are talking about real brokenness in relationships, we aren’t wired to forget.

Scripture tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that God has “set eternity in the human heart.” That tells us something profound. We are not temporary creatures. We are made for eternity. Joys, losses, wounds, betrayals—they don’t simply evaporate on command.

The Bible never speaks to us as if forgetting is a switch we can flip. It speaks to us as people who remember deeply.

And the New Testament is just as honest about that reality. In Romans 12:18, Paul says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Do you hear the grace? Paul is acknowledging that it isn’t always possible, and it doesn’t always depend on you.

Scripture acknowledges limits. Some wounds don’t resolve neatly.

And that matters, because some of you have carried guilt you were never meant to carry. You’ve thought, “If I still remember it, maybe I haven’t really forgiven.” But remembering is not failure. Remembering is human.

• In Genesis, Joseph forgives his brothers—but he never forgets what they did.

• David forgives Saul—but he never pretends Saul is safe.

• And even Jesus, risen in glory, still bears the scars of the cross.

So when someone tells you to “forgive and forget,” the problem isn’t just that it’s unbiblical. The problem is that it asks you to become something other than human. It asks you to erase what God never designed you to erase.

The issue, then, is not whether we remember.

The real question is what we do with what we remember.

And that’s where Jesus leads us with our Scripture passage.

Point 2: Forgive and Forget Isn’t Redemptive

Before we walk through what Jesus says here, I need to explain what I mean when I say “forgive and forget” isn’t redemptive.