Gaslighting God

Well, it feels good to be back in this particular pulpit after 25 years! I want to thank Pastor Caleb for the opportunity.

Please turn to Isaiah 64. Hear now the word of the Lord.

May God be blessed with the reading of His word.

Please join in prayer.

Before I get to looking at the chapter, I want to start with a story that I believe will better help us understand the mindset of chapter 64, so stay with me.

It’s a story of a plague within society. It’s not Monkeypox, nor Covid, or Influenza.

90% of the victims are women.

It results in nearly 1300 deaths and 2 million injuries every year in the United States alone.

Every year, nearly 5.3 million suffer from it.

More than 3 women die every day because of it.

When I was in Seminary Bethel Seminary of the East, their ministry model by-line was “Head, Heart, and Hands.” Head for theological knowledge, heart for devotional passion, and hands to help those in need. One of the assignments for the “Hands” was to get involved in a social need and bring the light of Christ into that situation. So I did things like serve in a soup kitchen and help in an AIDS house. But the one that really hooked me was when I signed on to the speakers bureau for the Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Yes, Domestic Violence is that plague. During my training, I was shocked by both the statistics and the experiences shared by the women.

A woman is beaten every 9 seconds by their intimate partner.

Although there are more women, There are 7X more animal shelters than shelters for abused women.

What disturbed me even more was hearing how the church had consistently failed these women and victimized the victim placing the fault on them by asking questions like, “What did you do to make him so angry?” Through some grotesque distortion of Biblical Headship, these women were instructed to be more submissive.

Domestic violence and abuse refers to a pattern of violent, physical, emotional, psychological, and coercive behavior exercised in an intimate or dating relationship to maintain control over another. DV spans all demographics, rich and poor, professionals and laborers, all races and religions, even elders and Pastors!

There is an established cycle that applies to DV.

1st. An incident triggers an angry, violent attack. Maybe you made a joke about your husband at a party. He laughs there, but when he gets home, he flies into a rage and spews a vitriolic litany of abuse upon you, maybe he even gets violent and slaps you or beats you for embarrassing him.

2nd. Comes the so-called “Honeymoon stage.” Here the husband attempts reconciliation. He asks for forgiveness, and pledges it will never happen again. He lavished gifts upon her. This is particularly difficult for Christian women who have been taught to “forgive, not 7 times but 77 times.” Then, A tense calm appears.

3rd. The gathering storm. Having been accepted back, tension rises again. The wife walks on eggshells; her spirit is uneasy, and not wanting to trigger her husband, she tries to submit to his demands.

But it happens again. Without intervention, it will continue to happen, even more frequently.

If you are experiencing DV or know someone who is, get help! It doesn’t get better.

Now, I want us to take a closer look at the 2nd phase, “The Honeymoon stage.” This is a very difficult stage and one which requires great discernment. It is in this phase that the abuser often seeks to “Gaslight” the abused. Maybe you are not familiar with the term, “Gaslight.”

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition. It’s putting a positive spin on something to minimize one’s fault and maximize guilt, confusion, or self-doubt in another.

The word became popular due to the 1944 movie of the same name, “Gaslight,” starring Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, and Joseph Cotton. In it, the husband, Boyer, tries to manipulate, blame, confuse, and sow self-doubt into his wife, Ingrid Bergman, making her think she has gone insane, so he can institutionalize her and steal her fortune. One means was to secretly turn down the gaslight lamps in the house, and when she questioned their dimming, he’d deny that they were dimmed. Hence, the movie's name is “Gaslight.” Both Boyer and Bergman were nominated for Oscars, with Bergman winning the best actress award. Unless you are over 50, you probably don’t know who I am talking about, but you can still get the movie.