Fshs 20.02

FSHS 20.02

How many of you here invest in the stock market in some form? Bonds? Mutual funds? Own shares of some company? CDs? Okay, now let me ask those of you who have money in some form of investments: How many of you have made money this year? How many of you are pleased with the performance of your investment portfolio?

Our economy has been in a slump. We are in a recession or worse, depending on who you talk to. Sales are down in many different types of industries. Our pension plans and 401k investments are dropping like a lead balloon. President Bush’s tax rebate last year did little to boost the economy. Companies are going under. People with 20, 30, 40 years in are being laid off from their jobs.

The book, A Tale of Two Cities, starts off with the line, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” I think most of you here today, and probably anyone else you might ask, would say that this is the worst of times. Especially if you’re getting close to retirement and your nest egg that you have been carefully and religiously adding to and tending over the past many years is disappearing. And you’re wondering what you’re going to do. Now you can’t retire as soon as you planned because there’s not enough money to live on.

Because of the slumping economy, our house insurance rates have increased, our car insurance rates have increased. Insurance companies also invest in the stock market, so they’re feeling the pinch of poor performing stocks just like us. But they can pass their losses on to us and recoup some of these losses in the form of increased rates. We don’t have that option, unfortunately.

Now you may have noticed that, along with the stock market taking a plunge, the interest rates for loans have also dropped tremendously. This is good IF you’re not laid off, or have a job that is not in jeopardy of being phased out, or you’re not scared to take a chance on borrowing money in a such a volatile situation as we’re in right now.

All of this is rather depressing, isn’t it? You’re probably thinking, “C’mon John, I didn’t come to church to be reminded of this crummy situation I’m in. I know my stocks are in the dumpster and I’m losing money every day. I came to church to worship God and be uplifted by the Word and music and fellowship.”

Good. Because have I got a deal for you! I have a ray of sunshine for you. I’m here to offer you some hope. I’ve got a hot, and I mean hot, stock tip for you. It’s one that you simply can’t pass up. This is a “can’t miss” stock. It’s a stock that I GUARANTEE will be profitable to everyone who invests in it. If you invest in this stock I promise that you will never regret it.

Take your bulletins and look at the title of the sermon for today. Every company that trades on the NYSE has code letters identifying it, followed by the price of that stock at the close of trading. The stock that I’m highly recommending that you invest in is FSHS 20.02. Can anyone tell me what those letters and the numbers following them stand for?

If being in church doesn’t give you enough of a clue, I’ll help you out. These code letters stand for Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And the numbers are for the year 2002. We need to invest in the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit. We need to invest in the house of God, our church. And we need to do it now, this year.

Like I said before, this is a “can’t miss” stock. This is a stock that I guarantee will never depreciate in value. You will never look at this stock years down the road and say, “I wish I had put my money in something else, some other stock.” And you won’t have to worry about your retirement, either, because when you invest in this stock, the retirement benefits are out of this world.

Now I know some of you might be thinking, “I can’t afford to give to the church. This economy has hurt my income too much. My other stocks have already cost me too much money. I can’t afford to invest in this stock.” Well, I’m here to tell you, you can’t afford NOT to invest in this stock.

I’m not here to ask you for money. I’m not going to try some of the creative ways that have been used in other churches. One minister announced that, if his congregation reached a certain fund-raising goal, he would allow them to place a clock on the pulpit. If they exceeded that goal by $1000, he would let them plug it in. If they exceeded the goal by $2000, he promised to look at it!