Forgiveness, Yes Or No?

Shannon L. Alder, a female author and physical therapist who works as an inpatient therapist at a rehabilitation hospital in California once remarked: “People that hold onto hate for so long do so because they want to avoid dealing with their pain. They falsely believe if they forgive they are letting their enemy believe they are a doormat. What they don’t understand is hatred can’t be isolated or turned off. It manifests in their health, choices and belief systems. Their values and religious beliefs make adjustments to justify their negative emotions. Not unlike malware infesting a hard drive, their spirit slowly becomes corrupted and they make choices that don’t make logical sense to others. Hatred left unaddressed will crash a person’s spirit. The only thing he or she can do is to reboot, by fixing him or herself, not others. This might require installing a firewall of boundaries or parental controls on their emotions. Regardless of the approach, we are all connected on this “network of life” and each of us is responsible for cleaning up our spiritual registry.” Matthew 5:37 reminds us: “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

“Yes” is defined as an affirmative response to a request, question, command or suggestion. Alternatively, “No” is respectively described as the negative reciprocation for each. These two simple words have opposite, but definitive meanings, communicating significant or unreserved power to the intended. The recipient is left in no doubt as to the communicator’s intentions, or views whether they be in the positive, or otherwise. Or are they? 2 Corinthians 1:18-22 reminds us: “As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No. For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes. For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.”

In the earthly realms of life, the preferred antiphon of “yes,” is usually the hopeful anticipated response of many. However, although God’s affirmation is always truthful and sincere, the remarks of others may not always be so genuine. The distinct pressure or a lack of justification in saying a firm no to any proposal can occasionally be too much for some to bear. Their response of yes, in truth, deceptively means no. They lack the confidence or assurance of their own convictions. This can lead to disappointment or heartbreak in the afflicted, which, in turn, can lead to a general distrust in society. Romans 12:17-21 confirms: “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

For those who have become hurt from former disagreements or pain, any requests for forgiveness or burying the hatchet for the diminishment of hatredness from the assailant can also have similar consequences if the response given is a resounding yes from the inflicted, but not truly meant.

When we seek the forgiveness of God for sins or indiscretions committed, we know, understand and trust in God’s discernment. His forgiveness, if given, is genuine and the slate is wiped clean. However, if we couldn’t be certain of that commitment, where would we stand? A future eternal life would become uncertain and any hope of reconciliation could become extremely doubtful. Thus, in life, it is far better and ultimately kinder to be truthful in spirit by stating no, rather than indicating the misbelief that one has been forgiven. Ephesians 4:31-32 reminds us: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Wikipedia defines forgiveness, in a psychological sense, as the intentional and voluntary process by which one, who may have felt initially wronged, victimized, harmed or hurt undergoes a process of changing attitudes and feelings toward an offender and his or her previous actions. However, some people find difficulty in the ability to exonerate another, and yet seek it for their own transgressions. Forgiveness is considered a strength within the virtuous category of temperance and is just as important in our earthly lives between each other, as it is in a Godly relationship. Forgiveness may never be considered genuine unless true love prevails in the heart. If one has no love for fellow mankind can they reasonably expect the same from God? Martin Luther King Jr, an American minister of religion and activist once remarked: “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love."