David And Jonathan: The Wisdom Of Investing In Deep Friendships - 1 Samuel 20:35-42, 23:16 Series

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1 Samuel 20:35 In the morning Jonathan went out to the field for his meeting with David. He had a small boy with him, 36 and he said to the boy, "Run and find the arrows I shoot." As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. 37 When the boy came to the place where Jonathan's arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, "Isn't the arrow beyond you?" 38 Then he shouted, "Hurry! Go quickly! Don't stop!" The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master. 39 (The boy knew nothing of all this; only Jonathan and David knew.) 40 Then Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, "Go, carry them back to town." 41 After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together-- but David wept the most. 42 Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.'" Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.

Review

You need friends (it’s a matter of wisdom)

The focus of this chapter is on the friendship of David and Jonathan and the degree to which they enjoy this friendship is amazing. From day one of the friendship Jonathan’s heart was knit to David’s.

1 Sam.18:1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David

20:17 And Jonathan … loved [David] as he loved himself.

Jonathan was more upset about Saul’s shameful treatment of David than about what he did to Jonathan. (v.34)

When they parted in v.41 there was a display of affection and warmth that was reserved in that culture only for family and your closest friends. Last week I said it was one of the purest displays of human love and loyalty in the annals of human history, and the really amazing thing is, as much as Jonathan loved David, David loved Jonathan even more! When they say goodbye in v.41 it is David who weeps the most. After Jonathan died, David said Jonathan’s love was more wonderful to him even than the love of women. (2 Sam.1:26) The friendship of Jonathan was deeper and more wonderful even than romantic and sexual love. So if Jonathan’s love for David is one of the purest displays of human love and loyalty in the annals of human history, and David’s love for Jonathan was even greater – that is some friendship.

Most don’t have a Jonathan because they think it’s not worth it

I think it is safe to say that most people do not have a Jonathan in their lives. Very few people have a friend who is that good a friend, and for most of us, that is by design. We are really not looking to find a friend like that. We do not have the time or the energy or the inclination. We feel we are doing just fine with our lone ranger approach, and while a good friend would be nice, it is not worth the energy and time and risk it would require to develop. We have run a cost/benefit analysis and decided that it is not worth it. We can hardly get all our work done as it is, we are neglecting our spouse and kids and time with the Lord, so adding the burden of a time-consuming friendship into that mix right now is impossible. Most people think of friendships like that as a luxury or bonus, not an essential.

It is worth it (grace)

Which is it? We saw last week that if you read in the Psalms about the grace David received from God, you will see that it matches up with the things he received from Jonathan. God’s grace came to him through Jonathan. There are times when God offers grace through people that is not offered in other ways. Is our need for the grace of God that comes only through these kinds of friendships great enough to make it worth all the trouble? Or can we live without that grace?

Any time you find yourself comparing the benefits of something to the cost to see if it is a good idea, you are seeking wisdom. So what is the wisest course when it comes to friendships? Is it wiser to go at it alone so we protect ourselves from getting hurt, and we save our time for ministry and other things? Or is it wiser to pay the price involved in pouring ourselves into friendships? The answer is in Pr.18:1.