Cana And Boundaries

Jesus had his personal boundaries-- He remains slightly aloof; reluctant to get involved in the situation of the shortage of wine. He told Mary, “Not our job,” and “Not my hour for what God has called me to do!”

Lesson for us-Watch out for “Caretakers disorder.”

-e.g. “No one else on the planet can take care of this person besides me, so I have to help them because no one else can.”

-This is taking on too much.

-Ask yourself, “Have I done everything I could do in the healthiest way possible?”

-e.g. A donor can give one pint of blood every 56 days. Bad boundaries says to you, “Can you give me all 8 of your pints of blood right now?” Don’t! If you do, you will die!

Jesus uses speech boundaries too— He calls his mother “woman,” which is not a distancing mechanism, but rather polite speech in Aramaic, like "lady" or "ma'am."

Lesson: Don’t talk back to your parents, and don’t tune them out when they are talking to you.

Mary’s boundaries— are, first: She does not nag. She does not ask Jesus to make more wine, she just points out the difficulty of potential shame for the groom.

She has made someone else's problem her problem. Sociologically, a request for help constitutes a positive challenge to a person's honor, an intrusion into another's social space. Our response should be: If the person can’t do it for themselves, then compassion is needed and we should help them.

"They," have no wine, Mary says. She feels for the groom’s family, which is on the verge of social humiliation. But notice, the groom, his headwaiter, and his guests remain blissfully unaware that the wine has run out. Only the servants know and the mother of Jesus.

The lesson for us: Be vigilant not to break the anonymity of those you are helping when posting, texting, or blogging. Respect their privacy and dignity.

Jesus saves the day by working the miracle--

Lesson for us: The problem with too tight or rigid boundaries is that it kills compassion. Makes us less effective.

Now let’s look at a false boundary that supposedly sets up worship of “Jesus” vs. prayer to “Mary.”

The Cana event is a clear statement of Mary as intercessor. Intercessory prayer proceeds from faith in God that holy men and women who have died are as alive today as they were on earth (Luke 20:38). Don’t fear the rosary—Her intercession has always "revealed his [Jesus’] glory" (John 2:11). The most important for John the Evangelist is the revelation of Jesus’ glory... and any interpretation which departs from this Christological perspective loses sight of the central issue. Jesus ministers to us in our need! It’s all about Jesus. The mother of Jesus is the first who commands action based entirely on the word of Jesus. That’s what happens in the rosary prayer: rather than distracting from Jesus, it leads us closer to his will than we otherwise could be. E.g. St. Louis de Montfort once wrote about how Mary takes our prayers and perfects them—kind of like the way Jesus turned water into fine wine.

What concerns do I need to bring to the Lord when I pray the rosary? How can I act to help ease the concerns of others?

There is a dating boundary here too since Jesus and Mary were in attendance at this wedding—

A wedding formalizes the union not of two individuals but also of two households and their honor. You don’t marry for your family, but for proper discretion of judgement in choosing marriage with someone, it’s important for both families to weigh-in honestly on whether this is a good match. For the couple to ignore their insights is to risk a lack of due discretion of judgement to choose marriage. Making an imprudent choice does not invalidate marriage, but it may if it’s being driven by some sort of moderate or serious transitory emotional or psychological issue on the part of the boyfriend or girlfriend that causes either of them to ignore or rebel against the warnings of others that this is not a good match.

Bishop Barron tells couples, “You come to church to be married before God and his people when you are convinced that your marriage is not, finally, about you. That it is about God and about serving God’s purposes, a sacred calling.” The spouses help one another to enter more deeply into a relationship with God as they strive to live out their vocation in imitation of Christ.

One last boundary-is our need for transformation--

We have new life in Christ by grace through faith and baptism. The old is passed away and there is a whole new life and perspective in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17).

E.g. A weasel once fell in love with a handsome young man and the goddess Aphrodite, allowed the weasel to change her shape, so that she appeared to be a beautiful woman whom any man would be glad to take as his wife. As soon as the young man laid eyes on her, he also fell in love and wanted to marry her. While the wedding feast was in progress, a mouse ran by. The bride leaped up from her richly decorated couch and began to run after the mouse, thus bringing an end to the wedding. After having played his little joke, Eros took his leave: Nature had proved stronger than Love.