Broken People Produce Broken Marriages Series

OPENING

SENTENCE: I had an uncle who started to have a pain in his neck that caused him to lean his head to the left side and constantly wince in pain.

INTRODUCTION: Doctors could not diagnosis the problem so he lived with the pain for years. In time his neck began to permanently lean to the side. Our family moved away but about six years later I returned and saw my uncle whose head was permanently fixed sideways from the pain. He had been diagnosed with a nerve disorder but none of his treatments helped.

After about 25 years later he went to a dentist to remove a bad tooth and was immediately released from all the pain. He suffered all those years unnecessarily due to a failed diagnosis and treatment.

TRANSITION

SENTENCE: A wrong diagnosis can be costly and dangerous yet they are not all that uncommon- I am sure doctors struggle with this concern daily.

TRANSITION: I believe that every day we all witness a disastrous, dangerous misdiagnosis of mass proportions. Yet, we continue full bore on the same path that got us into the mess which is the unraveling of marriage and the family.

The diagnosis in our culture is that man is basically good but his self-esteem has been damage through negative influences. Through proper education and enhancing one’s self-esteem we can address what ails us. To do that we must affirm each person’s individuality - no matter how they are live or what they believe. We must teach them do be their own person, to love themselves and, to do whatever they need to do make them happy. Don’t any outside authority dictate for you how you should live because only you know what is best for you.

The problem with this diagnosis is that it is flat out wrong. Man is not basically good and people who have perfectly good self-esteem are just as inclined to do evil things- I doubt Hitler or Stalin lacked self-esteem. You cannot simply educate people out of evil- it is a spiritual issue. We are self-obsessed individuals who deny the truth about who we really and are vying to pursue our own happiness even if it comes at a cost to others.

SAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY: This morning I want to propose a different diagnosis and solution to the problem by asking, “How does our sinful self-obsession impact our marriages?” We will look at three responses that reveal that our self-obsession causes us to hide the truth about ourselves and blame others for our flaws. This self-obsession becomes a curse that impacts our marriages in painful, destructive ways.

THEME: We cannot fix relationships until we first realize we are broken people that God wants to restore.

How does our sinful self-obsession impact our marriages?

I. It causes us to try to hide the truth about ourselves. (9-11)

9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

A. We are flawed self-centered people damaged by sin.

The problem in each of us is that we question God’s good intention for our lives and pursue our own path in defiance of His. It is grounded on the belief that we know what is best for us and that we can live and act independently of Him. The constant mantra, “I am the master of my fate” that has been indoctrinated into our culture is an echo of Eve’s deception that turn her against God. If we are our own God, then others are no longer safe to us because they are out for their self-interests- nor are they focused on to enhancing the “one flesh” union of marriage.

When we face the truth we know we are flawed and vulnerable creatures. Yet we do not want people to see our true self’s because it is not something pretty. So, like Adam, we try to hide who we really are. We hide in three major areas.

1. Fears: David Burns identifies seven silent assumptions that produce anxiety.

• Love: Some feel they will be alone and miserable if they have no one to love them. They obsess over trying to get or earn love.

• Approval: Some feel that if someone criticizes then they have no value or worth. They obsess over getting everyone’s approval.

• Omnipotence: Some feel they are responsible for everything that goes on around them. They obsess over trying to control everyone around them to absolve their fear.

• Perfectionism: Some feel that if they do not do everything perfect they will burn in the flames of hell. They obsess over reaching an unobtainable standard of perfection.