‘baby's Mama' Drama

"How to Handle the Drama of Being a Baby’s Mama"

-Reverend Antonio L. Torrence

Acts 1:14

When American Idol’s Fantasia release her latest single, called “Baby Mama”, all of black America took turns giving their various opinions about what they perceived to be the negative message behind some of the lyrics that seem to celebrate the lifestyle of being a Baby’s mama. The likes of Suzanne Ontiveros of the Sun-times, Gregory Kane of BlackamericaWeb.com, and Adrienne Donnell of the Birmingham Times all took different sides of the controversial issues of Fantasia saluting today’s baby mama simply because of the crisis facing Black America today; that is, more and more children are being raise by single women and we are witnessing a fatherless generation. Now for those of you who may not be familiar with the term of “baby mama” the urban dictionary offers a couple of eye opening definitions:

1.) The single mother of a child.

2.) The mother of your child or children whom you did not marry and with whom you are not currently involved.

3.) A woman who got pregnant by some loser who couldn’t or wouldn’t marry her. (I.e. Oh her? She ain’t nobody to me now girl, she just my baby mama. So can I get your number? )

Regardless of how you may tend to define yourself if you are a single parent, or you know a single parent, the fact of our reality is this: No one understands the drama of being a ‘baby’s mama. Even if you are married as a mother, you still can somewhat identify with the drama of being a baby’s mama. Now, let me preface my antithesis with this: motherhood can be a joyous experience for some; however, for others it is not so pleasant because of challenges presented. And there are days, there still will be days, where you may feel alone trying to raise this ‘child’ with attitude and ‘no- common sense’. There is drama that you have to deal with.

1. If you are a single parent, divorce parent, or widowed parent-making ends meet is usually your first priority. There is only one check coming into the household. And with the cost of Medical benefits, you know that a chunk of your earnings go towards the HMO plan that doesn’t make all that sense. And if you are baby’s mama, child support doesn’t really do anything but remind the father he has a child that the legal system is coercing him to pay for. So, yes you may not be at home as much because you are working hard so that your child doesn’t lack the clothes, the shoes, the games, and the food that other kids on the block may have. You may have child care issues, and transportation issues, and you are trying to hold it all together because there is no one there to take care of little Johnny if you get sick and incapacitated. So you push yourself daily getting to a job that doesn’t pay much, working for people who feel they know your situation but don’t; trying to keep your spirits high so that when you get you still have enough energy to handle little Johnny and Little sally when you get. Oh the drama of being a mama. Because your ‘ex’ doesn’t understand that ‘$30.00’ a week from his check is not enough to keep his child clothed, fed, and well manicure. So for the single mother your drama may come from having to act like a collection agency with your “ex” because he done made up in his mind that now that he has moved on with a another woman in his life, he no longer has to deal with you. So now he’s ducking and dodging you. And often you are not calling about money, but maybe you just want him to handle little Johnny who now is standing a foot taller than you and trying regulate your house as if it was his. That’s drama because now your son is at an age where he needs a real man to ‘beat him down’.

2. Because if you are not dealing with the drama of money then you are dealing with the drama of controlling your children and mothers are usually stuck between gender roles because you have to be soft understanding one when they get hurt and need emotional support. And you have to be able to beat them down when they want to speak to you like your ex spoke you. Single and married, women often get stuck with disciplining the child. And sometimes that’s confusing to the child because sometimes mommy talking sweet and pleasant, and other times, she turns into ‘Carrie’ or “Abby” because you can swear that her head spin around so fast the time you spoke back to her. That’s drama.