A Return To Civility: Intro Series

Earlier this year I was struck by how uncivil our society has become. I can’t remember if it was a personal encounter with someone or something I saw on the news or read on social media. But I do remember thinking: Why can’t we just be civil to each other, what can’t we just be nice?

It seems that a lack of civility has permeated our culture. It is no longer enough to disagree with someone, today it seems we need to villainize them. If they have a different opinion than us, then they are a bad person.

And without wanting to sound old, I do remember a time when people seemed to respect one another, even if it was only surface-deep.

Children respected their parents, students respected their teachers and for the most part citizens respected their leaders. Maybe it was a fear of the consequences if we didn’t show that respect, but regardless of the why, we seemed to live in a more civil society.

Politicians could disagree with the policies of others without making personal attacks. Christians could disagree over doctrine or theology without questioning the other person’s salvation or love for Jesus.

I love the example of John Wesley and George Whitefield. Wesley and Whitefield had been close friends at Oxford. But eventually, Whitefield and Wesley diverged theologically, not just a little bit, but a lot. The two men were very influential in the revivals that took place across the UK and the US during their ministry. But as they say in Australia, they were as different as chalk and cheese. Whitfield was an ardent Calvinist and Wesley was just as ardent Arminian.

And they were never shy about speaking about their differences and defending their views.

When Whitfield was in his latter years, he requested that Wesley would speak at his funeral. Wesley preached at three memorial services held for Whitfield in London. Wesley spoke lovingly and respectfully of Whitfield and said, “There are many doctrines of a less essential nature with regard to which even the most sincere children of God…are and have been divided for many ages. In these we may think and let think; we may ‘agree to disagree.’”

Have we lost the ability to agree to disagree?

Once upon a time, it seemed that people could even disagree over social and cultural issues without attacking one another. They could share a friendship without necessarily sharing the same views or opinions.

Today society often speaks about the need for tolerance. But somehow that only seems to cut one way. I want you to be tolerant of my views, but I shouldn’t have to be tolerant of your views.

Seventy-five years ago, Winston Churchill said, “Everyone is in favour of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.”

Often, you will hear the church accused of being intolerant because of some of our beliefs, but the world has taken that intolerance to a whole new level. If you don’t toe the new cultural line, then you are demonized.

And while we hear more and more about the need to be tolerant, I do think Inigo Montoya (In-EE-goh Mon-TOY-uh) nailed it when he said, “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.”

And I asked myself, when did we stop being civil?

Collins English Dictionary defines Civility as: 1. politeness 2. a civil, or polite, act or utterance

And that is close, but The Institute for Civility on their home page, writes: “Civility is about more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step.

It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, understanding biases and personal preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same.”

Cassandra Dahnke and Tomas Spath, the founders of the Institute for Civility state, “Civility is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process.”

In a letter to his brother Charles, John Wesley wrote, "If you agree with me, well: if not, we can, as Mr. Whitefield used to say, agree to disagree.”

And again, I wonder, when did we stop being civil?

And as I pondered that question I wondered if it happened when we lost our common morality. As fewer people attended church, we began to lose touch with the basic tenets of the things that seemed to hold society together.

I was probably 7 when I first heard about them, the next time they came to my attention, I was 15. The first time was in a religious ed class in grade 2, it was at the Canadian Armed Forces School in Germany. The next time was in grade 10 global history.