A Chip Off The Old Block Series

A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK (GENESIS 27:1-46)

To relatives and friends, guessing who was the favorite child in my family was not difficult. Growing up, my sister was daddy’s girl. The family included two boys and a sister in the middle, each a year apart, but my status as the youngest son status in vain.

The stark reminder in Asia of who the golden child is usually occurs on festive occasions. At the Chinese New Year dinner time, my saliva would drip at the sight of every child’s favorite part of the boiled fresh chicken – the drumstick –but my heart would sigh knowing on whose bowl it would land on. My father would use his chopsticks, lift the first piece and the masterpiece from the plate before anyone could dig in, sticking to the same old text as he explained to the boys: “Sister is a girl, the middle child; so she deserves the drumstick.” The boys would alternate the other drumstick, but it usually ended up on my brother’s bowl, because he wore the eldest son’s mantle in the family and because I had no voice in the family. I would sit glumly, act brave, but fume inside. The subtle rejection was another blow to a child whose parents were divorced by then. Drumsticks were not to blame, the lack of self-esteem, security, and status in the family was.

Favoritism in the family is common, subtle, hurtful, and destructive. Francine Klagsbrun in her 1992 book Mixed Feelings reported that 84 percent of 272 people surveyed said one or both of their parents had shown favoritism when they were growing up. Only 16 percent denied that. In the case of a perceived doting mother, 66 percent of the men compared to only 27 percent of the women felt favored by her. In the case of an accused father, 62 percent of women, compared to 49 percent of the men, felt they were favored. The twist in the study is that 13 percent favored by the father also felt “resentful” and an even higher 18 percent favored by the mother resented the burden (p. 174).

The favoritism Isaac showed Esau and that Rebekah showed to Jacob is one of the best-known stories in the Bible. The guilty party was the parents, not the children, but the burden was passed on to the children and the behavior was picked up by the children.

What can parents and spouses do to raise healthy children? What kind of godly and moral character and example do you leave behind for your children? How are you preparing your children for their growth and independence?

The More Communication You have, the Less Concerned You are

27:1 When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.” “Here I am,” he answered. 2 Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don't know the day of my death. 3 Now then, get your weapons--your quiver and bow--and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4 Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.” 5 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, "Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, 7 'Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.' 8 Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: 9 Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. 10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies."

11 Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, "But my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I'm a man with smooth skin. 12 What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing." 13 His mother said to him, "My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me."

(Gen 27:1-13)

A reader who identified herself as Marlene’s daughter wrote to “Dear Abby” after she had just lost her mother to a lengthy illness and told the columnist of her parents’ beautiful marriage that sparkled through its almost fifty years of marriage. She never heard them say an angry word at each other. While sorting through her mother’s papers she came across the “Rules for a Happy Marriage” the mother had kept. She did not know how long she got it or when she had it, but she passed the advice to other readers: