A Big Ugly Family Confrontation: Lesson 4

A. INTRODUCTION: GENESIS 32:1-33

1. What is a big ugly family confrontation?

• When there’s money on the table, families fight

• Dealing with kids; “My son” (Gen. 21:10), “My son” (21:11)

• The house

• Blame problems on the other

• Divorce

• Stuff

“Jacob was leading his family, servants and herd back to the Promised Land. He sent messengers to tell his brother Esau that he was returning with a big herd. Jacob instructed them to ask Esau how he could be reconciled to him. They returned to say Esau was riding to meet him with 400 armed men. Jacob was scared to death. He divided his herd and people into two groups thinking, ‘If Esau captures one, the other will escape.’ Then Jacob prayed, ‘O God of Abraham and Isaac, I am not worthy of your mercy. I left this land with only a walking stick, now Esau will kill the mother of my children and them.’ The two wives were put into separate groups. Jacob prayed, ‘Save me, because You said You would make my descendants a great nation’” (Gen. 32:3-12, Condensed).

2. When things get tough our old nature comes out. Jacob sends gifts to Esau.

3. His gift offer is spurned. “He is coming . . . four hundred men are with him” (Gen. 32:6, NKJV).

4. In short, you can’t buy off relationship sins.

5. First, we usually save our skin. “Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed” (Gen. 32:7, NLT).

6. Second, we usually save our stuff. “Jacob divided” (32:7, NLT).

7. Third, we usually rely on logic. “Attacks one . . . the other escapes” (Gen. 32:8, ELT).

8. Then, we usually pray, “O God . . . deliver me” (Gen. 32:9-11, NLT).

9. Fear makes us realize our sin. “I am not worthy” (Gen. 32:10, NLT).

10. We think of our family members last, “Attack me and the mother with the children” (Gen. 32:11, NLT).

11. Finally, Jacob claims God’s promise, “You said . . . your descendants . . . a multitude (Gen. 32:12, ELT).

“Jacob sent his wives, servants and possessions over the Jabbok River. He remained on the west side. Jacob was all alone. God appeared to him and wrestled with Him all night. Jacob would not let go. As the sun was coming up, God touched a nerve in his hip. Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” God changed his name from Jacob—Deceiver, to Israel, Prince with God. Jacob then named the place, Penial (which means “Face of God), because he said, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life is spared” (Gen. 32:22-32, Condensed).

12. Jacob was willing to sacrifice family and possessions, but protected himself.

13. Jacob’s stubborn nature was reflected in his relationship with God.

14. When alone on a cold dark night, we learn our self-weaknesses.

15. When we face God, we learn our limitations.

16. There is a time for dogged determination in prayer.

17. One event with God can change our entire life.

18. Meet God before you meet an enemy in confrontation.

“Jacob put the servants into the first group, Leah and her children in the second group, and Rachel and Joseph into the third group. When he saw Esau approaching, Jacob went ahead and bowed seven times. Esau ran and embraced his brother and they both wept. When Easu asked who were all the people and animals, Jacob said God had graciously given them to him. Each came separately to bow to Esau. Jacob offered a large herd to Esau as a gift. But Esau refused. Jacob insisted so Esau kept the gift” (Gen. 33:1-11, Condensed).

19. A confrontation can be put off for a short time.

20. There comes a crisis when you must meet face to face. “They embrace” (Gen. 33:4, ELT).

21. Be sensitive for confrontation has life-long influence.

22. Usually there needs to be a token in reconciliation. Esau kept the gifts (Gen. 33:1-11, Condensed).

B. LESSONS LEARNED FROM A CONFRONTATION

1. Some confrontations are inevitable.

2. Usually confrontations involve years of growing hostility.

3. Probably you could have avoided confrontation so deal with it before there are worse consequences (Esau could have killed Jacob).

4. If you are the cause, confess quickly, apologize deeply, and give sacrificially.

5. Family usually observes the way you reconcile.

6. You may reconcile for the past, but not ever be close again.

7. Go on with your life. “Jacob . . . set up camp . . . built an altar and named it El-Elohe-Israel” (Gen. 33:18-20, NLT).

8. Learn and establish a new and deeper relationship with God. El-Elohe-Israel, means “God, the God of Israel.” Jacob’s new name was Israel, “Prince with God.”

If you have never really accepted Jesus as your personal Savior, would you do it right now? Do not delay or put it off. If you would like to receive Christ by faith, pray this simple prayer in your heart: