Step Nine - Not Saying I'm Sorry? Series

I have been thinking about Step nine over the last few days. I really think the writers knew how much humility and courage it takes to do a 9th step amends and it’s the reason, they made sure the other steps of getting right with oneself and then God came before reconciling with others.

Step 9 is making direct amends except when to do so would injure those or others. It’s also the place the writers tell us of the promises come true when one earnestly works the steps of recovery. A couple of years ago I read a Newsweek article online in which the golfer Tiger Woods offered an honest evaluation of his mistakes. Ultimately, sin affects our relationship with God; but Woods did get repentance half-right: our sin also hurts other people, sometimes even the people we love the most. The following excerpt contains some sound reflections on our need to make amends and rely on others:

Last November everything I thought I knew about myself changed abruptly and what others perceived about me shifted too. My life was out of balance, and my priorities were out of order. I made terrible choices and repeated mistakes. I hurt people whom I loved the most. And even beyond accepting the consequences and responsibility, there is the ongoing struggle to learn from my failings.

At first, I didn't want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. Golf is a self-centered game, in ways good and bad. So much depends on one's own abilities. But for me, that self-reliance made me think I could tackle the world by myself. It made me think that if I was successful at golf, then I was invincible. Now I know, that no matter how tough or strong we are, we need to rely on others. Tiger Woods, "How I've Redefined Victory," Newsweek (November 17, 2010)

Self reliance is tricky. We all have heard from an early age that we must be strong and responsible. For many of us that meant doing whatever it takes to get ahead or complete the project to get to the end goal. Unfortunately for many of us in this room, the goal changed from something worthy to just getting the next fix. Any addiction corrupts the soul to make all of life clearly all about the host. We become so myopic under the influence of the addiction that our thinking justifies and rationalizes all of our actions. We say things like: “they got what they deserved or I was just doing to them what they would have done to me or the end justifies the means.” We are masters at this kind of internal speech. After a while, we can even get others to believe it. And yet recovery is not about fooling anyone. It’s about getting to the heart of the matter. It’s about uncovering the truth about ourselves and living in harmony with the rest of the world.

Jesus in one of his most famous discourses, called the Sermon on the Mount, was teaching His would be followers the constitution of the kingdom of heaven. The message was meant to be the goal to strive for. Knowing that, just like any athlete in the world today, we will most likely fall short, screw-up, sin. Listen to what Jesus says:

In Matt 5:23-24: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you; leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

In Psalm 51 the writer King David cries out to the Lord and states that our sacrifice greatest sacrifice a broken spirit, as well as a broken and contrite spirit. Take a listen to these rich words from scripture:

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence

or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation

and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

so that sinners will turn back to you.

14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,

you who are God my Savior,

and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 Open my lips, Lord,

and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart

you, God, will not despise.

David is crying out because he knows what he has done is wrong in the Lord's eyes. He is broken up about it. In the same way, the other eight steps lead us to understand our faults, defects of character, sins so that we can begin the process of making amends to other with a same heart. When we go to others to let them know of our transformation, Jesus will be there with us. Not because it’s a requirement for His forgiveness or even of our salvation. We go to others to show the world the changes He has begun to make within us. In so doing, we are giving Him the Glory and allowing His Spirit to lead us to a better live in which He is our master versus the addiction.