How Do I Forgive Those Who Have Scarred Me? Series

SCARS - How Do I Forgive Those Who Have Scarred Me?

January 22, 2023

Mark 11:25-26

Introduction:

In the 7th chapter of Kyle Idleman’s book “Grace is Greater” he shares this story:

Elizabeth and Frank Morris’s eighteen year old son, Ted, was home from college for Christmas break. He had gotten a job to make a little money. It was late, and Elizabeth was worried because he was supposed to be home from work already. That’s when the phone rang. Elizabeth answered and received the news no mother wants to hear. On Ted’s drive home a car coming the other way had crossed the median and hit him head-on.

Tommy Pigage was driving the other car. He had been at a party where he had gotten drunk. His friends told him not to drive, but he didn’t listen. He blacked out and never even saw Ted Morris’s car coming down the other side of the road.

Ted died the next morning. Tommy’s blood alcohol level was about three times the legal limit.

The trial was about a month later. Elizabeth and her husband were there and were enraged when Tommy pleaded innocent. The trial was delayed repeatedly. Finally, almost two years later, the trial closed when Tommy reached a plea bargain that allowed him to be freed on probation.

Tommy was now free, and Elizabeth began having revenge fantasies in which she would kill him.

Here’s the question…“Is God’s grace greater even than the pain caused by a drunk driver that kills your son?” (p. 118)

God really doesn’t expect me to forgive someone that has scarred me that deeply does He?

How can Mark 11:25-26 apply to Frank and Elizabeth Morris’ situation? There has to be some kind of exemption clause when it comes to the girl who has been sexually abused by her Dad…or the young man who had his father murdered by his younger brother…or the parents who found their daughter murdered and burned in their home…or the guy that got my child addicted and caused their overdose?

Is God’s grace big enough to transform my hatred into forgiveness? Can I forgive the one who has caused the biggest scar in my soul?

When God tells us in His Word to get rid of our bitterness, rage and anger” does He really mean it? Can I really forgive others “just as in Christ, God has forgiven me?”

In case you think I’m minimizing the depth of the scar…here’s what this doesn’t mean…

…We’re not saying that what happened is no big deal or that healing will be immediate or that you should make excuses for what someone did to you. We’re not saying abuse should be tolerated or that you shouldn’t press charges if a crime has been committed. We’re not saying you won’t hurt anymore or that you’ll be able to magically forget what happened. We’re also not saying you should blindly trust someone who’s hurt you.

But what I am saying is this… “Unless the forgiveness we’ve received from God becomes the model and motivation for our forgiveness of others…no matter what…we can never heal…we will be stuck in a jail of bitterness, anger and rage…fantasizing about how we can hurt or kill that other person. Grace either flows or it gets dammed up.

I. THERE ARE ONLY TWO CHOICES

No matter what has caused this deep, deep scar…There are only two choices. Only two roads…

1. Continually walk down the road that wants revenge more than anything else.

Or…

2. Continually walk down the road that wants forgiveness more than anything else.

One is easy to get on and hard to get off…It’s easy to want people that have hurt us to pay for it…what they did deserves punishment…It wasn’t fair…it’s too big…our nature runs to this road…and Satan feeds it with his influence…people feed it with their advice…and eventually it becomes the chain that imprisons our every emotion.

But walking in faith almost always takes a conscious decision to step in the other direction…whether its walking up a mountain to sacrifice your son…or choosing a long path that leads to forgiveness.

You can be the couple who demanded that the young man who killed their daughter while drunk driving write a check for a dollar on her birthday every day for the rest of his life or you can choose what the Morris’ chose to do…

Remember Elizabeth and Frank Morris? Tommy Pigage, who was driving drunk, had killed their son, Ted. At his trial, Tommy got off on probation and Elizabeth wanted revenge.

But Elizabeth had a problem. She was the recipient of grace. A Christian, Elizabeth took her pain to God, and as she prayed she realized that her heavenly Father had also had his innocent son murdered. She knew she had to forgive Tommy as God had forgiven her.