Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion Series

Job 15: 17 – 35

Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion

17 “I will tell you, hear me; What I have seen I will declare, 18 what wise men have told, not hiding anything received from their fathers, 19 to whom alone the land was given, and no alien passed among them: 20 The wicked man writhes with pain all his days, and the number of years is hidden from the oppressor. 21 Dreadful sounds are in his ears; In prosperity the destroyer comes upon him. 22 He does not believe that he will return from darkness, for a sword is waiting for him. 23 He wanders about for bread, saying, ‘Where is it?’ He knows that a day of darkness is ready at his hand. 24 Trouble and anguish make him afraid; They overpower him, like a king ready for battle. 25 For he stretches out his hand against God, and acts defiantly against the Almighty, 26 running stubbornly against Him with his strong, embossed shield. 27 “Though he has covered his face with his fatness, and made his waist heavy with fat, 28 He dwells in desolate cities, in houses which no one inhabits, which are destined to become ruins. 29 He will not be rich, nor will his wealth continue, nor will his possessions overspread the earth. 30 He will not depart from darkness; The flame will dry out his branches, and by the breath of His mouth he will go away. 31 Let him not trust in futile things, deceiving himself, for futility will be his reward. 32 It will be accomplished before his time, and his branch will not be green. 33 He will shake off his unripe grape like a vine, and cast off his blossom like an olive tree. 34 For the company of hypocrites will be barren, and fire will consume the tents of bribery. 35 They conceive trouble and bring forth futility; Their womb prepares deceit.”

Hell hath no fury or contempt as a narcissist you dare to disagree with, tell them they’re wrong, or embarrass them.

There are all sorts of disagreements regarding people who are like this, but one thing most people are in agreement about is that you don’t want to get on the wrong side of them.

Why is that? It’s because there is a belief (correct or not) that if you do, they are capable of a rage (even if it doesn’t cross over into violence) that is chilling.

Other characteristic traits of such narcissists include:

• Control freaks

• Irritability

• Short fuses

• Low frustration tolerance

• Argumentative

• Need to have the last word

• Unable to lose

• Won’t take “No” for an answer

• Quick to anger if you don’t accommodate them

• Quick to being aggressively defensive if you call them on any deficiency, fault or responsibility

• Can’t apologize or if they do, can’t do it sincerely. Will possibly admit they are sorry but never ask for forgiveness

• Rarely say, “Thank you” or “Congratulations”

• Don’t feel or demonstrate remorse

• Feel entitled to enthusiastic and appreciative approval, adoration, agreement and obedience

• Gloat in victory, sullen in defeat

• Quick to rage if you humiliate them

There is a saying that when you’re a hammer the world looks like a nail. When you’re a narcissist, the world looks like it should approve, adore, agree and obey you. Anything less than that feels like an assault and because of that a narcissist feels justified in raging back at it.

What is really at the core of narcissists is instability in their ability to feel and sustain feeling bigger, larger, smarter and more successful than everyone else which they need to feel stable. And just as Hamlet’s mother said, “The lady doth protest too much,” “the narcissist doth brag, scorn, talk down, primp and belittle too much” in order to continually prove to the world and themselves that they are larger than life. This is not to increase their self-esteem as much as it is to continually spackle the holes in their core that lead to a feeling of instability—and that, if not spackled, will lead to brittleness followed by fragmentation.

Narcissistic rage occurs when that core instability is threatened and furthermore threatened to destabilize them even further. Not unlike a wounded animal being the most vicious (because they think the next wound would kill them), narcissistic rage occurs when narcissists believe the next insult/assault to their grandiose based stability would shatter them.

In essence the reason narcissists are so self-centered is that their grandiosity based center needs to be constantly reinforced to remain stable.

Don’t let them cross over the line to physical violence, but if it looks like they will follow you to keep verbally assaulting you and then maybe escalate, just listen to them until they sputter out. Don’t try to engage them verbally.