The 5 Love Languages - Quality Time Series

The 5 Languages of Love

Quality Time

May 1, 2022

God gave us a new commanded to love one another as he loved us. It seems like it should be simple. In some ways it is simple. Yet, it seems way more complicated. As a man, I realize that dealing with the opposite sex starts out when you’re young. I remember hearing that girls had cooties. Any guys ever been there? I’m not sure if boys had anything, but that wasn’t my concern in my early days.

After awhile you realize they don’t have cooties and who started that vicious rumor about girls. I kind of had my first girl friend in 5th grade. She knew I liked her because I picked on her and she picked on me. That was the level of our maturity in those days. Since we didn’t know how to show affection, that was what we thought we were supposed to do.

I’m not sure who taught me what love is really about. When you think about it, we really don’t do a great job of teaching, it’s mostly on the job training. After all, how do you tell your child how to love, other than to remind them about the basics of relationships.

Well, we’re looking at the 5 Languages of Love. After all the books that have been written on love and relationships, you’d think we’d have this thing about relationships mastered. We should never be making mistakes or getting into arguments. There should rarely be a divorce. But the fact is, as John Gray wrote in his best selling book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Sometimes it really does seem we’re on different planets.

But there’s a way to help us move closer in our relationships, with our spouse, children, parents and others who we’re close to. It’s learning what someone’s love language is. Knowing what ours is and how to give another person our love.

Last week, we looked at the first of the 5 love languages according to Gary Chapman. We looked at Words of Affirmation. Each week, I’m going to do a quick review. Words of affirmation is pretty straight forward. We use our words to encourage, affirm and build up another person.

Ways to use words of affirmation would be - - -

Compliments - you look nice . . . that was a great meal . . . thanks for doing ---

Encouragement - “I’m proud of you” or “I believe in you!” Saying, thank you

Kind Words - show appreciation for what someone did. Simply saying hello or asking how someone is doing. Use kind words when having a disagreement. Kind words are also about the tone we use when we speak. No sarcasm allowed.

Praise - Congratulate someone . . . praise them for a good effort.

All people like to be acknowledged. Remembering someone’s name is important.

In fact, we have a short video to show you as a reminder . . .

VIDEO

Today, we’re going to look at the second of the love languages . . .

QUALITY TIME

This is where our definitions of what quality time means can be very different between men and women. Men can go to a friends home, with a few other guys, watch a football game, come home, never have a serious conversation. They ate, laughed, but more than anything watched football and talked football. The men will tell you they had a great time and really enjoy being with one another.

Most women don’t get it, because they want to have a conversation. This was simply time, not quality time. So, we need to be careful how we define quality time

Quality time, as defined by Dr. Chapman is this - - -

Quality time is dedicating our full attention and dedicated time to the person we love. This could mean sitting together on the couch talking, reading together, hanging out after a long day, taking a road trip or more.

It involves committing our undivided attention and focus to our special someone, eliminating all distractions, and letting them know that, through this gift of time, they are loved.

There have been times when I have failed miserably at this one. I used to try to watch ESPN and listen to Debbie at the same time. That didn’t go well. On occasion, I still do this. I may be on my phone and Debbie is talking to me. Ever been there? It’s not good when you do that. Learn from me!!

There are a number of examples in the Bible of quality time. The Bible doesn’t say this is quality time, but we have to read into the passage.

For example, the women at the well in John 4 is a great example. Jesus meets up with a Samaritan woman.