Loneliness (Part 2) Series

Illustration: A lonely grandmother eavesdrops on the conversation of a teenager who was dating in the park. Girl: "You don't love me?" Boy: "I do!" Girl: "We've been dating for four months. What's the proof?" Boy: "ABCDEFG." Girl: "What's that?" Boy: "A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl." The girl's face immediately blushed. The grandmother was jealous and upset because she had been married for 40 years, but her estranged husband never flattered her like that. The grandmother immediately went home and asked her husband: "Do you love me?" Her husband: "Yeah ..." Grandma: "What proof?" Her husband: "The proof we have been together for 40 years." Grandma insisted: "I want the answer ABCDEFG." Her husband: "Ooo ...., for you, you are ABCDEFGHIJK." Grandma was happy; the girl who was dating for four months, only A to G, but she got A to K. The grandma smiled: "What are ABCDEFGHIJK?" Her husband: "You are: Amazing, Beautiful, Cute, Dynamic, Elegant, Fantastic, Good, High tech, …" Grandma really liked it. She asked again: "What is the IJK?" Her husband: "Do you really want to know what IJK is?" Grandma: "Sure." Husband: "I'm Just Kidding." No wonder she is lonely. Like I said before, more than 60% of lonely people are married.

Today we'll continue the sermon series on "Loneliness." According to a 2018 CIGNA study, loneliness in America has reached "epidemic" levels. After surveying twenty thousand adults, researchers found that 46 percent felt alone either sometimes or always, 47 percent felt left out, and 27 percent rarely or never felt as though there were people who really understood them (forty years ago were only between 11 and 20 percent). And it's not something that only Americans experience. Governments from Denmark to Japan have taken loneliness as a serious societal problem. In 2018, the United Kingdom's prime minister appointed a Minister of Loneliness, Diana Barran, to address what was felt to be a serious health issue. A 2017 report said nine million of the country's 67 million people feel lonely some or all of the time. Approximately two million people over the age of 75 across England reported going weeks without any meaningful social interaction. Tetsushi Sakamoto is Japan's new Minister of Loneliness. The World Health Organization now lists the lack of "social support networks" as a determinant of health.

Henri Nouwen, in his book, "Reaching Out," said these words: "Loneliness is one of the universal sources of human suffering today. Psychiatrists and clinical psychologists speak about it as the most frequently expressed complaint and the root of not only an increasing number of suicides and alcoholism, drug abuse, and other major physical and psychological problems. And it can have devastating effects. Chronic loneliness results in physical and mental disorders and increases the odds of early death and violence. The perpetrators of the Columbine High School tragedy, Eric Harris and Dylan Kleighbolt, wrote in his diary: "I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. You people had my phone number, and I asked but no, no, no, no, don't let the weird Eric kid come along." So tragic!!!

Last month we learned about understanding loneliness, the side effects, and some people in the Bible who experienced loneliness. Today, we will continue understanding the signs of loneliness to know when we have loneliness and how to deal with it.

Signs of Loneliness

Depending on the situation, signs of an underlying state of loneliness may include the following:

1. Social anxiety. A key indicator might be that social events leave you feeling burned out, emotionally drained, or mentally exhausted if you regularly feel lonely. "In terms of mental health, lonely individuals are more prone to depression and anxiety, particularly social anxiety. It also puts individuals at greater risk of cognitive decline and dementia," Dr. Kalpa Kharicha, Head of Innovation, Policy, and Research at Campaign to End Loneliness, tells us.

2. Feeling bored. Because of that, you are hooked to social media. A research study shows a connection between loneliness and social media addiction. Lonely people often use social media to gain social approval and recognition virtually. The study found out that: those who spend more than two hours a day on social media were twice as likely to feel lonely than those who spent 30 minutes or less on social media platforms.

3. Feeling helpless and substance abuse. In a study, Heinrich and Gullone indicated that loneliness is directly related to a person's damaging physical and psychological health and is often associated with depression and substance abuse. This study further concludes that alcoholism and other forms of substance abuse are used as a measure to discard the feeling of loneliness and acquire a sense of security. Similarly, drug abuse could be a way to satisfy emotional and psychological needs.

4. Having disturbed sleep. Research back in 2011 at Dakota concluded that fragmented sleep could be associated with loneliness. Are you having difficulty with sound sleep? Are you waking up in the middle of the night or having trouble falling asleep? The reasons behind this connection are not entirely clear, but social insecurity might make you worry and stress over your social worth. Worrying and overthinking it might cause you to lose sleep.