Finding Security And Significance Series

If you’re married, are you in the crazy cycle right now? Actually, this can be more like a selfishness spiral where unmet needs turn into unbridled nastiness.

Many can relate to comedian George Burns who said, “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

Rodney Dangerfield, who died in 2004, was known as the man who “gets no respect.” This is what he said about his own marriage, “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

And Henny Youngman was the master of the one-liner. His most popular put-down was, “Take my wife…please, take her.” He also said, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”

That reminds me of a golden anniversary party for a married couple. The husband was very moved by the occasion and wanted to tell his wife what he thought of her. She was very hard of hearing, however, and often misunderstood what he said. With many family members and friends gathered around, he toasted her and said, “My dear wife, after 50 years I’ve found you tried and true!” Everyone clapped for them, but his wife was a little irritated and asked, “What did you say?” So he repeated it again: “AFTER 50 YEARS, I’VE FOUND YOU TRIED AND TRUE!” The wife, now visibly upset, shouted back, “Well, let me tell you something – after 50 years I’m tired of you, too!”

It’s easy for married couples to get tired of each other by settling into predictable routines where both spouses stop listening and loving.

How do you get off this marital merry-go-round of shaming and blaming, of put-downs and one-upping each other? Is there a secret to a happy marriage, where both spouses find security and significance in a tried and true relationship? Is it really possible to have less friction and fighting and actually have a fulfilling marriage?

Last weekend, we learned about marriage as it’s meant to be from Genesis 2 and established this truth: Because marriage matters to God, we must do marriage His way. You achieve this by seeing your spouse as your companion, as one who completes you, and as one you are to live in communion with. It’s essential to leave and cleave so the Holy Spirit can weave your lives into one. This will prevent you from grieving God by breaking your vows. If you want to watch the sermon or read the full-text manuscript simply go to edgewoodbaptist.net.

Today, we’ll discover the secret to marriage is to learn and live out the unique roles and responsibilities God gives to husbands and wives. We could summarize the sermon in a sentence: A ministry mindset in marriage means serving your spouse.

Preliminary Points

• A good marriage is more than being with the right person; it’s being the right person.

• If you are single, divorced or widowed, you may feel a message on marriage doesn’t apply to you. Actually, whether married or not, we must reclaim marriage as a gift from God because it has been demeaned, denounced, discouraged and redefined by many in our culture. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all.” Our topic next weekend will be, “Single and Satisfied?”

• If you are in an abusive and dangerous relationship, please find a safe place and get some help.

Submit to One Another

If you have a Bible nearby, please turn to Ephesians 5. Verse 21 begins by addressing both spouses: “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” It is unacceptable for anyone to exalt themselves as better than anyone else. This is similar to Paul’s exhortation in Philippians 2:3: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” We are called to humbly submit to our spouses by focusing on their interests, concerns, and needs. This requires a servant attitude where we lay our rights and ambition aside.

Before we dive in, I’m going to borrow a metaphor of marriage from Tim and Kathy Keller. From now on, when you think of marriage, think of the image of cultivating a garden. In 1 Corinthians 3:6-9, the Apostle Paul said, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth…he who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.”

A good gardener breaks up the ground and plants the seed. The gardener proactively cares for what he has planted by watering, fertilizing, weeding, and pruning in order to enjoy the harvest to come. If you want a good garden, it will take an enormous amount of work and constant attention. Generally, good gardeners don’t go a day without getting out in their garden so it doesn’t get away from them. They’re especially focused on pulling weeds so they don’t choke their precious plants. One author says, “A master gardener is someone who carefully monitors the condition of a garden and judiciously acts to ensure it’s well being.” Good gardens, like good marriages, don’t happen by accident. They take work.