What A Woman Wants Series

CYCLES 4 SISTERS

“WHAT A WOMAN WANTS”

HER MANIA

Text: Songs of Solomon 1:1-4

Introduction: A HUNGRY WOMAN

The book of Solomon is the expression of pure marital love as ordained by God in creation, and the vindication of that love as against both abstinentism and lust, the two profanations of the holiness of marriage. If these verses of text offend you as a Christian, it may be because the principle of the love of the divine Bridegroom, symbolized here by Solomon’s love for the Shulamite maiden has been twisted so by society that it seems evil for a married couple to express themselves in this manner.

Women today are more resourceful, more resilient, & more respected than ever before. But even in all this a woman still has needs. She still has an appetite. Her diet may have changed over the years, but due to her make-up, the woman of the 21st century still yearns for communication. She is in need of confirmation, as well as companionship. Even if she doesn’t need them all at once, she has to have what she needs when she wants it!!!

I. SHE WANTS AFFIRMATION vs.8-10

Up until verse 8 the conversation being spoken is between the Shulamite bride and her companions. She shares her heart with those who are close to her. She expresses her desires for him in verse 2 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth:”. Immediately her associates confirm the fact that she is worthy of the Kings kiss in verse 3, “…for thy love is better than wine”. In verse 4 we hear the Shulamite respond with two words that every woman wants from those she loves “Draw me”. This is the key ingredient to winning the heart of the women we love & respect (“...no man cometh…”).

Women not only want to be drawn, they need to be drawn. Not force-ably nor vigorously, but through our affirmation of their worth. Women want to be made to feel that they are of value, that their contributions are valid and their passions are appreciated. This woman has uncovered her true feelings, her associates have responded with favor, but that’s not what she wants or needs. Finally in vs.8 the King speaks up. Brothers never allow anyone to affirm your gift before you or as often as you do. Your voice carries the weight of her heart. She wants to hear it from YOU!

II. SHE WANTS AFFECTION vs.12-14 “While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth for the smell thereof.” The Shulamite draws a picture of the King sitting in one place, while her aroma, her affection is heightened by the thought of his presence. A woman has twice as many nerve endings in her skin as a man. Because her nerves are more numerous, they are also more susceptible to being “strained” (i.e. “getting on my nerves”). Her skin is literally wired to receive a loving touch of affection to soothe her frayed nerves and calm her emotions. She wants to be held in the right way, touched in the right place & heard as a clear day!!

The word “spikenard”-Heb. “nerd”= an odoriferous aromatic plant from India. Most women are filled with the fragrance of affection. This is due to the nurturing of their Mothers. Children who are exposed to affection, usually show it (i.e. Boys/Mothered). You cannot express affection with a woman without conversation. She enjoys talking. She needs and wants a man to talk with her (not to her or at her). It is through conversation that you established communication. It is through communication that a woman expresses her feelings. Women want to be affirmed that their emotional expressions are being received!!

III. SHE WANTS ATTENTION vs.15 “…thou art fair…thou art fair”-Notice he says it twice, as if he did a double take. Solomon was paying attention. It is vital for a woman to be given ample enough attention. Half of the fights in the home are caused by the lack of attention being given by the male partner. Men will pay attention to the game, the boat, the care, the house & even the dog more-so than their significant others. Many times a woman doesn’t want you to solve her problems for her. She just wants to confirm the fact that you’re paying attention to her. Men need to resist the impulse to offer solutions and instead offer his full attention and understanding.

“…thou hast dove eyes”-Nothing confirms attentiveness like eye contact (elab…look ‘em in the eyes). Brothers, after giving her plenty of time to express her feelings, you should conduct the end of your conversation with courtesy and openness, looking her in the eyes and telling her what you really think and feel. A woman wants and needs to be made to feel a part of your endeavors and dreams. To do this, she must be informed, updated & briefed. Share your plans with her, ask her opinion, listen to her response & pay attention!!!