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In Sermon Illustrations: "Get Up"

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  • In The Late 70's Public School Teachers Polled.  PRO

    Contributed by Timothy Moore on Mar 21, 2002
    based on 12 ratings
     | 1,972 views

    In the late 70’s Public school teachers polled. 1. Talking 2. Chewing Gum 3. Making Noise 4. Running In The Halls 5. Getting Out Of Place In Line 6. Wearing Improper Clothing 7. Not Putting Paper In The Waste Basket Early nineties 1. Drug Abuse 2. Alcohol Abuse 3. Pregnancy 4. Suicide ...read more

  • A Traveler Was Preparing For A Long Trip. A ...  PRO

    Contributed by Bruce Howell on Apr 11, 2002
    based on 9 ratings
     | 3,461 views

    A traveler was preparing for a long trip. A friend asked if he was all packed and he said, “Yup, just about. I’ve got my guidebook, a lamp, a mirror, a microscope, a volume of fine poetry, a package of old letters, a song book, a sword, a hammer and a set of books.” “But,” the friend said, “you ...read more

  • Gordon Macdonald, --> "Repentance Is Not ...  PRO

    Contributed by Clark Frailey on May 3, 2002
    based on 50 ratings
     | 4,838 views

    Gordon MacDonald, --> "Repentance is not basically a religious word. It comes from a culture where people were essentially nomadic and lived in a world with no maps or street signs. It’s easy to get lost walking through the desert. You become aware that the country side is strange. You finally ...read more

  • Boss' Sign  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 11, 2002
    based on 8 ratings
     | 3,289 views

    Boss’ Sign The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I’m the Boss." He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from ...read more

  • A College-Football Coach Was Faced With The ...  PRO

    Contributed by Timothy Jones on Jan 13, 2003
    based on 3 ratings
     | 3,736 views

    A college-football coach was faced with the possibility that his star player might be declared academically ineligible, so he pleaded with the math professor not to flunk the kid. "Tell you what, coach," said the professor, "I'll ask him a question in your presence. If he gets it right, Ill pass ...read more

  • The Story Is Told Of A Farmer Who Once Went To ...  PRO

    Contributed by Kevin Higgins on Feb 21, 2003
    based on 50 ratings
     | 2,656 views

    The story is told of a farmer who once went to hear John Wesley. He preached that day about money. His first point was, "Get all you can." "Fine," whispered the farmer to his neighbor. Wesley’s second point was, "Save all you can." "Better still," the farmer said. Then came the third and last point ...read more

  • The Washington Capitals Were Playing The Florida ...  PRO

    Contributed by Tom Doubt on Jul 11, 2003
    based on 2 ratings
     | 1,427 views

    The Washington Capitals were playing the Florida Panthers [Feb. 1997]. The Capitals Peter Bondra kneed the Panthers Ray Shepphard, who had to be carried off the ice. Bondra was given a 5 minute major penalty. The next period, Johan Garpenlov of the Panthers slashed the Capitals Joe Juneau, who ...read more

  • Top 10 Things To Do Inside A Whale  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Dec 22, 2003
    based on 5 ratings
     | 5,367 views

    TOP 10 THINGS TO DO INSIDE A WHALE 10) “Can you hear me now?” 9) Pray … he’s bulemic 8) Bonfire and fish fry! 7) Open a sushi bar 6) "Consider it pure joy" 5) Floss … the whale 4) Finally get motivated to read Moby Dick 3) Listen to tapes of your preacher’s old ...read more

  • A Minister, Going Through A Mental Institution, ...

    Contributed by Evie Megginson on Feb 6, 2004
     | 2,231 views

    A minister, going through a mental institution, was stopped by a woman, who asked: "Mr. Minister, what work of man will there be in Heaven?" "None, my dear lady," he said, thinking to answer as quickly as possible and get away. "Oh, yes, there will! Can’t you tell me?" "No, I cannot; but will you ...read more

  • Keeping Compassion  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Mar 23, 2004
    based on 21 ratings
     | 6,602 views

    KEEPING COMPASSION Finding his newly-appointed pastor standing at his study window in the church weeping as he looked over the inner city’s tragic conditions, a layman sought to console him: "Don’t worry. After you’ve been here a while, you’ll get used to it." Responded the minister, "Yes, I ...read more

  • A Forgetful Husband Thought He Had Conquered ...  PRO

    Contributed by Ken Gilmore on Jul 7, 2004
    based on 8 ratings
     | 3,915 views

    • A forgetful husband thought he had conquered the problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided him with dates and instructions to send flowers along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was ...read more

  • The Juggler  PRO

    Contributed by Paul Wallace on Aug 24, 2004
    based on 2 ratings
     | 3,530 views

    The Juggler A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are those machetes doing in your car?” asks the cop. “I juggle them in my act.” “Oh, yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. ...read more

  • E. Rick Stedman, Minister Of The Adventure ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Oct 10, 2004
     | 2,060 views

    E. Rick Stedman, minister of the Adventure Christian Church in Roseville, California, has a “no sarcasm” rule for his church staff. He says that what makes people laugh at sarcasm is that it always has a nugget of truth in it. That little bit of truth is what hurts people. So “no sarcasm” is the ...read more

  • The Minute The Bankruptcy Is Over, The ...

    Contributed by Ted Mulder on Dec 30, 2004
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,752 views

    "The minute the bankruptcy is over, the high-risk lenders inundate them with credit applications," says Charles Juntikka, a bankruptcy attorney in New York. Some credit-card companies love lending to post-bankruptcy people because they know you can’t file Chapter 7 again for six years, and "many ...read more

  • A Pastor Was Talking To A Group Of Young People ...  PRO

    Contributed by Tom Mccrossan on Mar 27, 2005
    based on 9 ratings
     | 3,564 views

    A pastor was talking to a group of young people about the high cost of dying. "People today waste thousands of dollars on coffins and monuments," he said. "Jesus was so unconcerned by His death that He had to use a borrowed tomb." Leave it to our youth to get to the bottom line and put things in ...read more

  • A Minister Waited In Line To Have His Car Filled ...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Dec 8, 2005
    based on 9 ratings
     | 3,654 views

    A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about ...read more

  • Pray For Health 35% Of U.s. Adults Use Prayer For ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jan 18, 2006
     | 1,704 views

    Pray For Health 35% of U.S. adults use prayer for health reasons, according to the Archives of Internal Medicine. Of these, 75% prayed for “wellness” (staying healthy and warding off illness) and 22% used prayer to help cure specific conditions. 69 % of those thought prayer had been very helpful. ...read more

  • For Years Scientists Were Puzzled ...  PRO

    Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Apr 27, 2006
    based on 3 ratings
     | 1,602 views

    ILLUSTRATION: For years scientists were puzzled about apples that had worms in them but had no breaks in the surface of the apple! How did they get inside when there did not appear any outward signs of entrance? What they discovered was that a certain worm lays its eggs right on the apple ...read more

  • A Little Boy Was Standing By His Father Watching ...

    Contributed by Kent Kessler on Dec 27, 2006
    based on 3 ratings
     | 29,051 views

    A little boy was standing by his father watching him trying to put a floppy disk into his computer. The father was having trouble getting the disk to go in all of the way. The little boy said to his father, “Maybe it has a penny in it?” Sure enough, when the father fished around inside where the ...read more

  • Sheltered

    Contributed by Roger Roark on May 19, 2007
    based on 2 ratings
     | 3,293 views

    When I was a child, I was afraid of the dark. I would go get in bed with my dad, and he would tell me a story, and I knew everything was okay. As long as I was with him, I knew nothing would harm me. That is the way our heavenly Father wants us to feal about Him. He wants us to know that He is ...read more