Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 12, 2008
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The Elephant and the Ambulance
A woman’s red station wagon was crushed by an elephant at a circus.
The owners of the animal apologized, explaining that the animal, for some reason, simply liked to sit on red cars.
In spite of the damage, the woman’s car was still drivable.
But on the way to the
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 12, 2008
LATE NIGHT?
The drunk husband snuck up the stairs quietly. He looked in the bathroom mirror and bandaged the bumps and bruises he’d received in a fight earlier that night. He then proceeded to climb into bed, smiling at the thought that he’d pulled one over on his wife.
When morning came, he
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 12, 2008
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The Valuable Bible
A story was told of a man who loved old books. He met an acquaintance who had just thrown away a Bible that had been stored in the attic of his ancestral home for generations.
“I couldn’t read it,” the friend explained. “Somebody named Guten-something had printed it.”
“Not
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
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GOD'S PICTURE
There's a story of a third grade student who was asked to draw a picture of what she thinks God looks like. The little girl showed the teacher - teacher said "Wait a minute, that looks like a man - that's not God!"
And the little girl said "Well, I don't know what God
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FATHER AND A DAD
A Father isn't a Dad because he has given you 'life'.
Or just because your Mother is his wife.
If you have a problem, a Father may not care.
A Dad will ask about your problem, and let you know he is there.
A Father thinks that respect is due him
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
How To Train An Elephant
Have you ever wondered how to train an elephant?
The first step is making it believe it can’t run away.
Get your elephant—preferably a baby one—and tie it to a strong steel stake in the ground, like you would tie a horse to a hitching post.
The baby elephant will try to
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
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LET THERE BE PEACE
"Those kids will drive you crazy!"
That's what the old man's friends told him when he bought the small, well kept house just down the street from the local junior high school. Contrary to their warnings though, the man's first few weeks in his new house went without a
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
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THE EMPEROR MOTH
A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth and took it home so he could watch the moth come of the cocoon. One day a small opening appeared. The man sat and watched the moth for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
CHARLEY THE CAT
"It was around Thanksgiving, just after our daughter turned five, that we brought Charley home. We named him after Charles, Prince of Wales.
The name seemed to fit just right for this shy little newly-adopted member of our family. His wonderful blue eyes seemed to look deep into
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
THE RABBI AND THE TAILOR
There's an old story about a Jewish tailor who met a rabbi on his way
out of the synagogue:
Rabbi: Well, and what have you been doing in the synagogue?
Tailor: I was saying my prayers Rabbi.
Rabbi: Fine, and did you confess your sins?
Tailor: Yes, Rabbi, I confessed my
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
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No Greater Love
During the beginning of World War II, a large British military force on the European continent, as well as English citizens and diplomats, retreated to a French coastal port of Dunkirk.
With it’s back against the English Channel, the British army faced a German army that threatened
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
The Mystery of the Mop
Everyone at the State University knew that Donner Hall had the best parties. All-night dancing and beer guzzling attracted the largest weekend crowds by far – especially on the notorious second floor.
By midnight every Friday and Saturday, the entire second floor was three
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 16, 2008
ILLUSTRATION: Imperial Hotel
Years ago, Frank Lloyd Wright was given the impossible task of building the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo.
No comparable construction job ever before had been undertaken.
With patience he laid plans for the immense building in this land of earthquakes and terrible
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 21, 2008
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THE MISER AND HIS GOLD
Once upon a time there was a Miser who used to hide his gold at the foot of a tree in his garden. but every week he used to go and dig it up and gloat over his gains.
A robber, who had noticed this, went and dug up the gold and ran away with it. When the Miser next came to
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 21, 2008
Twenty Dollars
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 21, 2008
SELF-DECEPTION
A school teacher lost her life savings in a business scheme that had been elaborately explained by a swindler.
When her investment disappeared and her dream was shattered, she went to the Better Business Bureau.
"Why on earth didn’t you come to us first?" the official asked.
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 27, 2008
PONY EXPRESS
When it comes to being on the alert and ready at any moment to do the job, it's hard to beat the Pony Express.
This historically famous mail service between St. Joseph, Missouri, and California depended on constant movement and readiness.
Relay stations were established every ten
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 27, 2008
Illustration: The brick
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.
He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appeared.
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Contributed by Eric Ferguson on May 27, 2008
THE POWER OF AN ANGRY ATTITUDE
You may say, "I am allowed to do anything." But I reply, "Not everything is good for you." And even though 'I am allowed to do anything,' I must not become a slave to anything. -- 1 Corinthians 6:12 (NLT)
An athletic young man stood before his peers. An ordinary
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