Contributed by Brian Harvison on May 29, 2008
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Lady last minute shopping with kids in tow, this lady was really having a hard time during her Christmas shopping trip. As she shoved her way into a chrowded elevator, she said, "I dont know who’s responsible for all this Christmas stuff, but they ought to arrest him, string him up, and shoot
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Baptist
Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 21, 2008
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A SISYPHEAN TASK (Sisyphus)
In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was a brilliant rascal who sometimes played tricks on the gods to get what he wanted. He even used trickery to avoid death. Finally the gods had enough and condemned Sisyphus to eternal hard labor -- his punishment: rolling a boulder up a
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Contributed by Shawn Rose on Jul 28, 2008
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The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network has organized over 400 Gay-Straight Alliances in US. Director Kate Frankfurt says, "Gays are tired of riding in the back of the bus. The issue [of gay rights] is now being joined, and the schools are a very important battleground." Gay activist and
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Baptist
Contributed by Rick Pendleton on Dec 8, 2008
You plan to have a photograph of all of the grand kids, in their most precious Christmas clothes... it will be the perfect gift for Grandma. But when you go to have the photograph made little Johnny will not sit still... Andy has pulled the bow out of his sister’s hair... the one you paid $16 to
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Baptist
Contributed by Bruce Howell on Mar 11, 2009
YOU ARE THE WHIPPING SOLDIER
A man who was deeply troubled by his sins had a vivid dream in which he saw Jesus being savagely whipped by a soldier. As the cruel scourge came down upon Christ’s back, the dreamer shuddered, for the terrible instrument left gaping wounds upon the bleeding, swollen
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Wesleyan
Contributed by David Rumley on Apr 16, 2009
Paul Hammons says…
We have a tendency to see the past as being better than what it was… The good old days really weren’t all that good. We forget about all the hardships: (The depression, no air conditioning, out houses, no running water). Back in the days before electricity, a tightfisted old
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Pentecostal
Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 10, 2009
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PICK OUT THREE HYMNS
I heard about this pastor. He was raising money for a new sanctuary. He told his congregation one Sunday morning "If anybody will give $1000, you can pick out three hymns."
A little old lady in the back raised up her hand and said "Pastor, I’ll do it." He was so excited. He
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Contributed by Ted Harvey on Jul 31, 2009
WRITE IT DOWN
Ma and Pa were sitting on the porch swing. Ma asked Pa to go down to the drug store and buy her an ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup. And she told him to write it down because he wouldn’t remember it. He told her he would not write it down; he didn’t need to write it down; he
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Baptist
Contributed by Timothy Brown on Jan 23, 2010
Illustration for Bible Knowledge (The Apostles’ Doctrine/Teaching) - Think of the Scriptures as an absolutely accurate map. A map tells you how to get to a certain destination. But just looking at a map won't automatically transport you to Arizona or England or Peru. Getting to those places means
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Baptist
Light brings Joy
I remember the very first winter after I became an accountant. I would leave home while it was still dark. Sit in an office in artificial light until lunch time. Pop out for a sandwich, bring it back to my desk, eat it there. Then by the time I left at 5 or 6 it was already
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Anglican
Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Feb 22, 2010
BROKEN STEEL BELTS
It is impossible to be prepared for every error around. When I bought my dad's old car, it had been sitting idle for a year. He had hardly used it; even the tires were original -- nine years old. When I brought it in for a flat tire, the mechanic fixed it and all seemed well.
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Independent/Bible
Contributed by Derrick Tuper on Sep 21, 2010
TOO CLOSE TO WHERE WE GOT IN
A little boy fell out of the bed in his sleep. His father picked him up and put him back in bed. He asked him, "Son, what happened?" The little boy responded, "I fell asleep too close to where I got in."
I believe that describes too many Christians today. They have
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Christian/Church Of Christ
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 24, 2010
LETTER OF REFERENCE
There's a story about a Jewish man;
* Who applied to work for First International Bank of Israel;
* That bank asked for a letter of recommendation;
* And the young Jewish man put down his Rabbi to be the reference.
* The Rabbi wrote, 'His father came from the distinguished
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Brethren
Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Mar 12, 2012
ANGER: STRENGTH IN YOUR CLAWS
The biggest lobster ever caught in Maine, a 27-pounder (12.25 kg) with claws tough enough to snap a man's arm, was released back into the ocean on Thursday after being trapped in a shrimp net last week, marine officials said.
The 40-inch (one-meter) male crustacean,
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Independent/Bible
Contributed by Ken Henson on Jul 5, 2012
A minister parked his car in a "No Parking" spot and left a note on the car saying: "I have circled around the area ten times and I could not find a parking space. I am going to be late and so I am parking here. Please forgive us our trespasses."
The police officer found this note and he left
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*other
Contributed by Gene Gregory on Aug 27, 2012
A while back I got discouraged, I got frustrated. Things were not going the way that I had planned. I was tired. I was tired of solving problems and dealing with people. You ever get like that? I didn’t know what to do. I still remember walking up down the road to my house, tears streaming down
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Baptist
Contributed by Tim Spear on Dec 3, 2012
A missionary in the South Sea Islands for a number of years was lying on his back in several inches of water reaching up in his boat, trying to repair the inboard motor. He had to get in that position to fix it, and it was a dirty, hot, scummy business. This doctor was lying there doing that so he
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Baptist
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