Contributed by Rodelio Mallari on Nov 14, 2010
LIFE EXPECTANCIES
The highest present-day life expectancy belongs to the women in Norway (77 years) and the men in Sweden (72 years).
In most European countries and the Americas, men and women can expect to live to be over 60. On the other hand, most African countries report life expectancy of
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 15, 2010
THE £1.50 HEARING AID
An elderly man stopped at a hearing aid centre and asked about prices. The salesman said, "We have them from £25,000 down to £1.50."
"What's the £25,000 one like?"
The salesman said, "Well, it translates three languages."
"And what about the one for £1.50?"
"It's this
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 21, 2010
GREY HAIRS
A little girl sat on the bed pestering her mum with questions while mum was in a hurry to get changed and go out. Watching her mother looking in the mirror and plucking out the grey hairs on her head she asked, "Mummy, why do you have some grey hairs?"
Her mother replied, "Because
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 23, 2010
You know when you are growing old when...
* Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work,
* Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
* Your back goes out more often than you do.
* You know all the answers but no one asks the questions.
* Your mind makes agreements your body can't keep.
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 29, 2010
THE CURE
Mrs Smith was so happy: "I’ve cured my husband of biting his nails."
I replied, "How did you manage to do that?"
"Simple,"
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 29, 2010
THE MAN WHO CAME FOR THE BLIND
A fellow in our office told us recently of a household incident of which he had been an innocent but perplexed spectator. Our friend had called a Venetian-blind repairman to come pick up a faulty blind, and the next morning, while the family was seated at the
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Brethren
Contributed by Jeff Ecklund on Jan 28, 2011
WHERE HAVE ALL THE OLD MEN GONE?
Why do we get outdated and obsolete? Why are there so few over fifty that are on the cutting edge? Cabeb, feisty old die-hard that he was, wouldn’t understand. At eighty-five he stormed the heights,
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A LOT BETTER JOB
A little girl crawled up into her great grandmother's lap one day. And looking up into her great grandmother's face she saw all those lines and wrinkles.
Then she felt her own smooth skin. She said to her great grandmother, "Did God make you?"
Her great grandmother said,
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Independent/Bible
Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Aug 15, 2011
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN...
• You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
• You watch the Weather Channel.
• You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
• You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
• When you say something to your
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Independent/Bible
Contributed by Larry Wilson on Sep 2, 2011
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE...
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and
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Baptist
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Sep 4, 2011
THE HERE...AFTER
A vicar was talking to one of his parishioners. He said, "When you get to my age you spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter."
"Why do you say that?" enquires the parishioner.
The vicar replies, "Well, I
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Brethren
WHITENING FAST
When Dr. Rees was waiting to preach, a friend commended to him, "You sure are whitening fast!" He got up and said this from the pulpit: "There is a little white flower that comes up through the earth at this season of the year - sometimes it comes up through the snow and frost; but
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Baptist
Contributed by Tim Smith on Feb 19, 2012
50-SOMETHINGS FOR JESUS
At the age of 58, Tom and Elaine Samply cashed out their retirements and moved to the Czech Republic and opened a coffee shop called Common Grounds where he taught business principles to atheists. After they were there for six years, they had enough business that they
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Methodist
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