Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:2)
The one thing about getting older is that you get to look back on more things each year and have more to evaluate. I will soon turn sixty-nine. This morning in my meditation, I looked back on what I wished I had been and hoped I would be by now.
Since my salvation in 1975, I had prayed to be like Paul on Mars Hill and Peter on Pentecost. I wanted to be the best Christian God ever had or at least in my generation. I have admired others as well. I wish I could have done great exploits like David and killed a spiritual Goliath or two. I wish I could have been like John the Baptist in front of the Pharisees and Sadducees.
As I look back over those forty-six years, I find that I am nowhere close to being the best Christian of my generation. Now I pray I am not the worst one. I have been like Paul in his anger when he kicked John Mark to the curb as I have allowed my anger to cut off fellowship with some people that I should not have so easily kicked to the curb. I have been like Peter in his fear of men where I warmed myself in the fire of people I should have avoided and though not denying Christ verbally I have at times done so in deeds giving the enemies of God reason to blaspheme.
I have been like John the Baptist when he was in jail and questioned if he was on the right track since he was not still publicly ministering wondering if Jesus was aware of his plight and even if he had made a mistake preaching Jesus. I have been like the unnamed prophet who rebuked a king, but then allowed another “prophet” to sidetrack him turning a victory into a defeat.
Unlike Paul, who challenged those who questioned his call to ministry, I have allowed other people’s opinions and criticisms to question my role and my wife’s role in the Body which led to defeat. I have been the smug self-righteous Pharisee when I should have been the Publican. I have been impetuous Peter. I have been Peter who jumped out of the boat to walk on the sea only to turn from seeing Christ to seeing the tempestuous seas and sink crying out to be saved.