Saint or Sinner?
Lord, I'm not sure what I am or what I ain't.
Am I a saint playing sinner or a sinner playing saint?
I love your truth, but I am not good at obeying, as you know.
I can run with the sinners, but feel guilty when I go.
Some of the things I crave are sin, and Lord, I know it,
But deep within me there is a voice yelling, "Go for it!"
I love to sing the hymns and feel at home when I preach,
But temptation is just to strong when sin is within easy reach.
Saints or sinners welcome me; to their parties I give life.
Trying to be holy with either only leads to stress and strife.
With a squirt gun I'd have charged Hell at just a word from you,
But from both sides of the Cross I was beaten black and blue.
I wanted to be perfect, loyal, brave, and strong,
But each time I quoted You, my brothers said I was wrong.
I sought to spread the Word from Revelation back to Moses,
But neither saints nor sinners could handle very large doses.
So I became discouraged and felt I could not ever win.
What else could I do, if you didn't want me, but return to sin?
My life is deep depression and a dark, lonely night.
I want to come back to You, but I can't find the path of light.
Lord, I feel as helpless as the thief upon the cross.
I can't change my situation and struggling is just more loss.
Jesus, like him, I can only make this request of You.
In Your kingdom, remember me and let me live there, too.
Aug 17,1991 RES