Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Jan 11, 2007
based on 2 ratings
| 2,586 views
A guy had a dream he had went to heaven and saw many clocks. As is customary with these stories St. Peter is attending the gate. When asked what the clocks were for Peter replied that every person on earth has a clock here, and each time one sins, the hand on their clock moves just a bit. The
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Nov 8, 2006
How many of you all want to go to heaven? I recall the story of a preacher asking that question to his congregation one Sunday morning, and everyone but one older lady in the back raised their hands. After the service he asked the woman why she didn’t raise her hand. “Don’t you
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Sep 3, 2006
The lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston and walked timidly, without an appointment, into the president of Harvard’s outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Sep 3, 2006
based on 1 rating
| 4,885 views
Sez I to myself, as I grumbled and growled,
Im sick of my church, and then how I scowled.
The members unfriendly, the sermons too long;
In fact, it seems that everything’s wrong.
I don’t like the singing; the church a disgrace
For signs of neglect are all over the place.
I’ll quit going there, and
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Apr 5, 2006
based on 2 ratings
| 2,637 views
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal Colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The Message "He’s lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy Button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Mar 19, 2006
based on 4 ratings
| 2,181 views
There was an incident that occurred in connection with an encampment of Shantung soldiers located at Shanghai. One day a dog came into their camp with some pages from a book in his mouth. The soldiers caught the dog and began to read the papers. They were pages from a Bible being printed in
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Mar 19, 2006
based on 1 rating
| 1,288 views
We cannot all be heroes,
And thrill a hemisphere
With some great daring venture,
Some deed that mocks at fear;
But we can fill a life time
With kindly acts and true;
There’s always noble service
For noble hearts to do.
We cannot all be preachers,
And sway with voice and pen,
As strong winds sway
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Feb 22, 2006
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end;
Yet days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone,
And I never see my old friend’s face.
For life is a swift and terrible race.
He knows I like him just as well
As in the days when I rang his bell
And he
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Jan 3, 2006
based on 5 ratings
| 2,345 views
A preacher once told of his church taking out the towel dispensers from their bathrooms and installing electric dryers in their place. He said that someone had taped a note on one of the blow dryers which said, “Please
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Jan 3, 2006
based on 31 ratings
| 1,930 views
A man once told his wife that he never wanted to live in a vegetative state dependant upon a machine. He said, “If I ever get in that shape, I want you to pull the plug.”
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Denomination:
United Methodist
Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Nov 23, 2005
based on 19 ratings
| 2,026 views
A man urgently needed to get to town. So he went to a neighbor who happened to be a pastor and asked to borrow his horse. The pastor obliged but told the man that there were some special instructions required for riding this particular horse. The preacher said, “since we need to begin our
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Denomination:
United Methodist
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