A PARENT’S WORK IS NEVER DONE (JUDGES 14:1-15:1)
Have you heard of the “Are You Ready for Children?” test?
MESS TEST:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST:
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST:
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
One of the sweetest couples in the Bible is Manoah and his wife, but their child was more than a handful, more than any normal parent could handle. Their child was a special gift and a miracle child when the couple was childless. From the very beginning, the couple knew that they were merely entrusted with the task of raising Samson and that God had other plans for him. The emerging adult Samson had superhuman strength, drew national attention, and was destined for great things. He was set apart by God from birth to deliver Israel from the hands of the Philistines (Judg 13:5).
How do parents prepare their hearts and their child to experience life’s successes and setbacks, its twists and turns, and his friends and foes? What if your child is a gifted child? How do you help him or her fulfill his or her potential and avoid the pitfalls?
Parenting Is a Privileged Responsibility
12 So Manoah asked him, “When your words are fulfilled, what is to be the rule for the boy's life and work?” 13 The angel of the LORD answered, “Your wife must do all that I have told her. 14 She must not eat anything that comes from the grapevine, nor drink any wine or other fermented drink nor eat anything unclean. She must do everything I have commanded her.” (Judg 13:12-14)
24 The woman gave birth to a boy and named him Samson. He grew and the LORD blessed him, 25 and the Spirit of the LORD began to stir him while he was in Mahaneh Dan, between Zorah and Eshtaol. (Judg 13:24)
USA Today released the results of a survey by Public Agenda, a nonprofit research organization, on how 1,607 parents of kids ages 5 to 17 feel and say about their success in raising kids and the hurdles and hindrances of child-rearing. 91 percent of the parents said honesty is essential, but only 55 percent said they have succeeded in teaching it. 84 percent of adults said courtesy is essential and 62 percent have succeeded in teaching it. 83 percent of parents said it is vital to teach kids self-control, but only 34 percent admitted they have succeeded. 82 percent believe it is essential to teach their children to do their best in school, but only 50 percent can say they have gotten their message across. 74 percent said independence is essential but only 38 percent said they have conveyed it successfully. 70 percent said good money habits are essential, but only a mere 28 percent said the message is gotten across.
About 90 percent of the same parents lament that said TV programs are getting worse every year because of bad language and adult themes in shows during prime time. However, 93 percent say TV is all right so long as children watch the right shows in moderation. (“Parents Feel They’re Failing to Teach Values,”USA Today, October 30, 2002)
Manoah and his wife were godly believers and parents and they took the roles of marriage and parenting very seriously. In fear and trembling they sought God’s will and asked for advice on raising the child God gave them. Manoah already heard from his wife what the angel of God had told her (Judg 13:5), but he wanted to learn more. No one could blame him. God has promised his wife not an ordinary child, but a hero, a champion, a warrior, the nation’s treasure, deliverer, and leader (Judg 13:5). The weight of expectation was too much for one parent to carry alone. He could not fathom it and would not allow it. The verb describing Manoah’s praying (`athar) in verse 8 is not the more general Hebrew word for praying (palal) that occurs 84 times in the Bible, but the more urgent word for prayer that occurs 20 times, 8 of them for Pharaoh’s pleading for Moses to intercede for him (Ex 8:8, 9, 28, 29, 30; 9:28; 10:17, 18). The KJV and the NASB translate this word as “entreat.” Manoah’s prayer was urgent, uninterrupted and unrelenting.
Another thing about Manoah was that he defied the role of a traditional father in child-rearing. The phrase “father and mother” occurs six times in chapter 14 (vv 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9), more prominent than in any other chapter in the Bible. Both parents were happily and heavily involved in parenting. The couple’s model of parenting was a two-parent family. He said “us” twice in verse 8. Manoah was implying, “What about me? Yes, you came to my wife, but now please come to us. Involve me in the process. Teach me your way. Let me help. Use me.” The soon-to-be parent Manoah refused to be an absentee father, a couch potato, or a house loafer. He was the diaper-changing, milk-feeding and baby-cuddling father. Better, he needed no nagging, no crisis and no incentives. He enjoyed it, not endured it; rejoiced in it, was not resentful of it; informed, and not ignorant of it. Note that Manoah was not giddy that a child was born to the childless couple; he was more concerned for instructions on how to raise the child (Judg 13:12) rather than if the promise was true. The interesting thing was that the angel left the day-by-day course of parenting to them. No more did the angel appear again to the couple (Judg 13:21). God told them enough but not everything. Does not that describe a parent’s circumstances challenge, and confusion?
The couple carried out the task entrusted to them faithfully. They stuck to the Nazirite vow, read every parenting book they could find (not that they could find any) and milked the neighbors dry for every last piece of advice. They did their part and their best; pretty soon Samson’s build was a sight to behold and his potential was the talk of Israel. Manoah and his wife were proud parents. Secretly, they wished they could hold him back, keep him home or chase admirers away, but they knew they could not lengthen his youth or delay his growth, control his thoughts or steps, and shelter him from pain or life.
Parenting Is a Personal Restrain
14:1 Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. 2 When he returned, he said to his father and mother, “I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife.” 3 His father and mother replied, “Isn't there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?” But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me. She's the right one for me.” 4 (His parents did not know that this was from the LORD, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over Israel.) (Judg 14:1-4)
A young boy had just received his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to the study and said to the boy, “I'll make a deal with you, Son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B-average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, and we'll talk about the car.”
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he'd best settle for the offer, and they agreed. After about six weeks the boy came back and again asked his father about the car. Again they went to the study where his father said, “Son, I've been real proud of you. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you've been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But I'm real disappointed since you haven't got your hair cut.”
The young man paused a moment and then said, “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, and there's even strong argument that Jesus Himself may have had long hair.”
To which his father replied, “You are right, Son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”
Samson, Israel’s fiercest and most feared judge, was born with talents other parents could only dream of, but he lived a life of total indifference and utter disregard for the opportunities and advantages he was bestowed in life. The Spirit of the Lord had stirred in him, but Samson had other pursuits, priorities and pleasures. Worse, he fell in love with a Philistine woman, with one from the people who ruled over Israel (Judg 14:4). Marrying an unbeliever was against God’s will. Deut 7:3-5 says, “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.” His bride-to-be was from the enemy camp, and she also was an unbeliever, an idol-worshiper.
Samson told his parents that he was willing to give up everything and chuck everything away for the love of a Philistine woman he saw from a distance. Worst, his tone had changed as if he was obsessed. He commanded in the imperative, “GET her for me. She’s the right one for me” (Judg 14:3). He was at that omniscient and impenetrable by sword-and-spear young age. He was so opinionated, vocal, dogmatic, sure about everything, about the difference between Israelite women and Philistine women, about how he could remain a judge and a mediator of the two people, about how he could worship Yahweh and stay faithful to God, eventually winning his wife over.
Nothing the parents could do or had done could prepare them for this day. Their question and challenge were rudely brushed aside and they could do little (Judg 14:3). Their objection was voiced but their hands were tied, so they bit their tongue. Already their son’s words cut like a knife as he lashed out at them. Nevertheless, they could bear with his rudeness but not his recklessness; tolerate with his ignorance about idols, but not his indifference to God; and even his naive thinking, but not his neutral mindset. However, Manoah and wife did not blame God or reacted against their son’s strong will, simple-mindedness and stubborn streak. Still they could not understand why they their son suddenly had become an extremely difficult, disrespectful, and disobedient child. Overnight, over a trip and over a girl, Samson had turned a blind eye to his God-given destiny, closed a deaf ear to his worried parents and developed a razor tongue, a motor mouth and a caustic attitude. Manoah and his wife eventually saw in Samson what every parent saw in their child’s weakness: that he was just a child - childish, immature and reckless. True, he was big in size, brave in heart and bankable in battle, but he let his heart rule his head and his muscles do the talking, and his testosterone worked overtime. The stubborn Samson did not listen and soon wrecked his marriage even though he did not mean or intend to, letting his parents, friends, and country down, and bringing others down with him.
Parenting Is a Permanent Relationship
15 On the fourth day, they said to Samson's wife, "Coax your husband into explaining the riddle for us, or we will burn you and your father's household to death. Did you invite us here to rob us?"
16 Then Samson's wife threw herself on him, sobbing, "You hate me! You don't really love me. You've given my people a riddle, but you haven't told me the answer." "I haven't even explained it to my father or mother," he replied, "so why should I explain it to you?" 17 She cried the whole seven days of the feast. So on the seventh day he finally told her, because she continued to press him. She in turn explained the riddle to her people. 18 Before sunset on the seventh day the men of the town said to him, "What is sweeter than honey?
What is stronger than a lion?" Samson said to them, "If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle." 19 Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle. Burning with anger, he went up to his father's house. 20 And Samson's wife was given to the friend who had attended him at his wedding. (Judg 14:15-20)
The last stage of parenthood is when young people transition to responsible adults. Terri Apter calls the 18-25 age group the “thresholders,” saying, “Legally they are adults, but they’re on the threshold, the doorway to adulthood, and they’re not going to go through it.” The National Opinion Research Center found that most people believe that the transition to adulthood should be completed by the age of 26, on average, but today’s emerging adults are spenders, slackers and super-seniors.
One way society defines an adult is as a person who is financially independent, with a family and a home. Timothy Smeeding, professor of economics at Syracuse University, found that only half of Americans in their mid-20s earn enough to support a family, and in a Time poll only half of those ages 18-29 consider themselves financially independent. Michigan’s Robert Schoeni says that Americans ages 25 and 26 get an average of $2,323 a year in financial support from their parents.
A Time poll of 601 people ages 18 to 29 suggests that only 32 percent of those who attended college left school by age 21. The average college student takes five years to finish (Grow Up? Not So Fast,” Time, January 24, 2005).
Time poll asked the question, “What is the main reason you do not consider yourself an adult?” 35 percent admitted “just enjoying life the way it is;” 33 percent said “not financially independent;” and 13 percent answered “not out of school.” 32 percent disclosed that they spend more than most people “eating out,” 26 percent spent more than others on clothes, 17 percent confessed they spend more than others on going to or renting movies and 12 percent said they spend more than others on computers and software.
What did Samson do a whole week (v 18) after the wedding ceremony and honeymoon, after a bitter row had erupted and ended (v 19)? After Samson found out that his wife had given away the answer to her people, he felt that she had sided with her people rather than with him. The newly married Samson seethed in anger, stormed off the house and left without a word. If storming off and going out was not bad enough, he did not return to his wife for quite a while - until harvest day (Judg 15:1). Where did he go when things did not go right, smooth, or as planned? Back to Mama’s place! Poor Manoah and wife. His son was taller, stronger and fiercer than them. Further, Samson was too old to scold and too big to beat. The parents were too discouraged and bewildered, and it was too late to do anything. When they said “No,” he said “Yes.” When they said “Yes,” he said “No.” In the end both parties said, “I do not know.”
How Manoah and wife wished their son would grow up as an adult, own up to his mistakes and wise up to life, but Samson was like a Peter Pan who refused to grow up. Samson was nothing like his parents, who were faithful to each other. He left his wife and her house without a note or a trace. He did not even bother to find out how she was doing. If he did, he would have found out that she had remarried. Samson’s relationship with his wife got off to the worst start possible. Making your wife cry one day is inevitable. Making her cry on the wedding day and the honeymoon was inexcusable and inappropriate. Making her cry the whole seven days (v 17), with her tears in her food, was insane and impossible.
Samson blamed his wife but he put her in the awkward and impossible situation. The Philistines exploded after seven days with an imperative (v 15 COAX) and threatened her and her family with death. She was pushy but not powerful like Delilah, the only other woman Samson loved (Judg 14:16; 16:4, 15) besides the wife he married. His wife did not press or nag him for the sake of 1,100 pieces of silver, like Delilah did (Judg 16:5); she was fighting for his life, her life and her family’s life. She attempted to make the troubles Samson started go away, hoping to put an end to the crisis, and get the Philistines off her back.
Conclusion: Parents are the unsung heroes today. Parenting is increasingly an endless task, a lifetime responsibility, and a tiring chore. It is a sweet, sour, bitter, and spicy job - anything but mild and not a job for the meek, the arrogant, or the clueless. It humbles the proud, stumps the learned, and disheartens the brave. Parents will have to stick to their children through thick and thin, and through their ups and downs. Traditional parents who raise their kids to take care of them in their old age have come to the realization that they may have to take care of their kids longer than they thought and eventually may have to abandon the idea of their being caretakers. The wise parent is one who is thankful that the child has the ability to take care of himself, his wife, and his kids. Finally, parents who think they can teach kids a thing or two will also realize the lesson is for and on them as well, if not more. Are you praying with and not just for your child? Have you helped them to know God, and not about God? Have you imparted your values, but not modeled the values? Do you invite and welcome your child to embrace faith and home?
Victor Yap
Bible.ryl.hk (Grammar Bible)
Preachchrist.com (sermons)
