I finally got around to watching the film Inside/Out last night with my wife.
There are some strong characters in the film - namely the emotions that seem to rule over Riley at different times in the story. I thought we could look at a few of those characters over the next few weeks and reflect on what the wisdom of Scripture might say about strong emotions and the impact that they have on us.
I think that among us there are likely some common hopes and aspirations for ourselves:
We want to be actively moving toward greater wholeness
Greater wholeness means in part not being shut down to ourselves; not existing in overload mode, not living in a way that feels numb
Rather it means learning about ourselves and growing to appreciate our lives. We just celebrated Thanksgiving, and so I think in part we want to learn to be grateful for who we are and grateful for our lives, rather than resentful and closed off.
We want to not be controlled by the expectations or actions of others, And at the same time we want to develop the capacity to engage with others in an open hearted manner
We want to control our emotions rather than being controlled by them
Perhaps we can agree on these points. Let’s look at one of the emotions that plays a big part in the movie Inside/Out - Anger. Anger is voiced by Lewis Black, an American comedian whose schtick in part is to play a reporter or a commentator on TV who gradually loses control of himself when he’s talking about something that really ticks him off.
He typically gets so riled up that he blows his top, only to eventually be brought back to a state of calm by another commentator. That’s likely why he was chosen to play Anger in the movie - it comes pretty naturally to him.
Anger
Proverbs 16:32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
Share some stats with you: [Change to Anger character]
+ The average man and woman loses their temper 3 times a week
+ Women generally get mad at people.
+ Men generally get mad at things.
+ Single adults express their anger twice as often as married adults.
+Men are more physical with their anger than women.
+You are more likely to express your anger at home than anywhere else.
It’s fascinating to my wife and I to watch our grandson grow, from the closeness and distance of being grandparents. Closeness because our heart is bound to our Grandson Stevie (pic) and he is a huge focus in our lives.
Distance because, well, he and his parents live 2 hours away in Trenton for one, and then we’re not with him minute by minute. We have a different perspective on him than his parents because we are a step removed from their lives.
So we’ve seen him grow in the bigger steps rather than in the day to day. And what we see is him learning about the world and his place in the world. At home, he reigns huge. He is a major player in what happens and how the day goes.
When he’s at playschool with other kids his age, or even like recently when he was at Thanksgiving family gatherings when he is one of a number of personalities, he experiences life differently.
We’ve seen him struggle with his emotions, with not getting his way; with being told no; with being corrected (don’t throw things at Mommy, don’t hit; treat people how you want them to treat you).
We’ve seen him, in his own sweet way, because he really is a dear, try to control his responses, try to control his emotions, including anger. We’ve seen him learn that he is not always the centre of attention, and we’ve watched him as he adapts to that.
What he’s learning in his two year old life is self-regulation. He’s learning that there are consequences to misbehaviour that he likes less than he likes misbehaving. There are benefits to not getting what he wants all the time.
Even at 2 he’s learning, without realizing it, the benefits of delayed gratification. And his parents are very balanced - extremely loving with him and also very clear about boundaries. And this helps him to feel secure in his world; it helps him to know who he is.
The Scripture says: “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city”. At the very least this is tried and true insight into living rom the wisdom of the ancients. At best it’s divine guidance. I lean toward the latter.
What makes being slow to anger better than being mighty? And what makes being a person who rules his spirit better than one who takes a city?
When we learn to control our emotions and become slow to anger, that is a lesson we learn and a quality that we develop that lasts literally our whole lives. So we can learn to live the whole rest of our lives in control of our emotions. That will benefit us. That will benefit those around us.
A whole life lived like this, quiet though it may be, is superior to being seen as mighty and powerful. Character is worth infinitely more than appearances. Appearances are quite deceiving in general.
One day Alexander the Great struck his favorite general. In a fit of anger he killed his best friend. In response to his deed Alexander cried out, “I have conquered the world but I can't even conquer my own soul.” Sobering thoughts from one of history’s mighty men.
What are some practical steps to controlling the influence of anger in our lives?
Reflection: Weigh the consequences of being angry/losing control of your emotions
Consider past outcomes, what it has cost you before to lose your cool?
Often the consequences of angry outbursts are much worse than whatever satisfaction we might gain from expressing our anger. The trick there is that often the consequences are unknown to us. If we act out, we become known, potentially, as people who act out - people who are volatile. That could exclude us from the minds of others when they are considering people to engage with.
Redirection: Delay your anger response - bite your tongue, count to ten, distract yourself, pray.
A fact of life is that anything you can do to delay your emotional responses, and particularly emotional outbursts, the better off you are. The same way that we mature as we learn to delay gratification, we mature as we grow in being able to control our anger responses.
Of course there are situations for which anger is a suitable and necessary response. That’s another important conversation. We see Jesus in the gospels overturning the tables of those seeking to profit from religion, for example. But that’s another topic really.
Watch What You Say: Proverbs 21:23, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”
A person who is able to control what they say, who is able to control their appetites and wants, and to control their emotions is stronger than the most powerful warrior who sacks a city. The sacking of a city requires just brute force and a certain heartlessness. We see that in Putin as he continues to bombard the Ukraine. And we see what he leaves in his wake, we see the result of his rage. We read of and see the carnage.
Although those who practice patience and self-control receive far less attention and acclaim than a warrior who takes a city, they accomplish better things because that learned self-mastery they carry throughout their whole lives and can have massive positive effects.
So may we be slow to anger and may we grow in self-control, and may we be open to the wisdom God gives us through the Scriptures.
