HoHum:
Sonja Ely- I was watching my 5 year old granddaughter Christy play with her dolls. At one point, she “staged” a wedding, first playing the role of the bride’s mother who assigned specific duties, then suddenly switching to the bride with her “teddy bear” groom. She picked teddy and said to the minister presiding over the wedding, “Now you can read us our right.” Without missing a beat, Christy then became the minister who said, “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”
WBTU:
The modern family is a mess. There are examples here and there of godly families, but most families are adrift on a tossing sea of immorality, selfishness and discontentment.
In our Scriptures today the Pharisees are concerned about divorce. Well, not that concerned about divorce, they want to test Jesus and get him to take sides in a debate about divorce so that Jesus will lose followers. In our series on marriage and family, divorce is poor place to start. Talk about this more later. Like we started two Sunday’s ago let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. This is where Jesus wants to start and we need to follow his example. He echoes what we have been saying from Genesis.
Overall Jesus in the Gospels says little about marriage. However, when questioned about divorce here, Jesus declared the permanent nature of marriage clearly. For today Read vs. 4-6. Jesus makes it clear that marriage is a sacred bond between one man and one woman, established by and entered into before God.
Notice what Jesus mentions twice here. He says in vs. 5 “the two will become one flesh.” He says in vs. 6 “No longer two, but one.” God uses strange math here. God took one man and one woman. He put them together and they became one. One plus one equals one. Strange math indeed! If we want to have a great marriage and family, then God says, “Do the math.”
If we are going to have a strong family and a strong relationship between parent and child and siblings in the family, we have to have strong marriage relationship. One plus one equals one.
Thesis: Ways that God intended the husband and wife to be one
For instances:
One plus one equals one physically
Every person has a body and a spirit. “the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Genesis 2:7, NIV. God made the human body; he breathed a spirit into that body; and man became a living soul. Every part of our being is made by God including our physical bodies.
When a marriage takes place as God intended, the man and woman become one physically. Must say here that this is a gift of God. This is God’s idea. This is good. Sex is of God. Sex is good within the circle God intends for it to be, in the circle of marriage. Many things I could say but just a few words about this:
A word about perversion- “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, NIV. Some of these people perverted God’s plan for human sexuality but this was proof of their lost condition. Here we find God’s plan for human sexuality: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Hebrews 13:4. We live in a culture today where we are being told that sexuality has nothing to do with our spirituality. Untrue!
A word about prevention- “Flee from sexual immorality. ” 1 Corinthians 6:18, NIV.
A word about provision- “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2, 3. Something is wrong in a relationship when physical intimacy is not a part of the marriage. God made us this way.
One plus one equals one psychologically
When I say this I mean we need to be one mentally, emotionally. From this we are one in our desires, behavior, and conduct. Much is said today about psychology. God’s word comes first and the only useful psychology never leaves that. From Christian counselors I have learned a lot (yes, I have gone to them). Bring much practical application of God’s word into our personal lives. Can see our blind spots and help us with them.
Mental Oneness- The key word here is “communication.” To develop oneness of mind and heart, there has to be communication. Mention this more later. Just one verse: “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” James 1:19, NIV.
Emotional oneness- Key word here is “consideration.” We have to learn to be considerate of one another. 3 basic needs every individual has: 1) Every person needs to be loved. 2) Every person needs to be respected. 3) Every person needs to feel appreciated. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect” 1 Peter 3:7, NIV. Getting married is kind of like buying a music CD. We buy the CD for some songs that we like. There are other songs that we kind of like. There are other songs on the CD that we dislike and we try to skip when we are listening. In much the same way, any mate has a series of things that we like, things that are okay, and things that we can’t stand. Everyone has plusses and minuses. Need to focus on the things that are plusses. Those things that we believe are minuses are probably there for our spiritual development, for our spiritual growth.
There will always be some measure of incompatibility between spouses. Billy Graham used to say that he and his wife “were happily incompatible.” The problem that many couples have is that they fail to factor God into their incompatibilities. Men and women are different but we compliment each other. We need each other. Those areas where we are incompatible usually are unimportant.
One plus one equals one spiritually
We have a spiritual nature and the sad thing is that many people’s spirits are dead. “As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins,” “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:1, 4, 5, NIV. Need to respond to the gospel, be born again, be made alive.
This is why God discourages people from marrying the lost. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV. One alive person with one dead person. This is unworkable. Unless the Spirit of God dwells in the hearts of both spouses, the marriage will never be all that God wants it to be. It will never be all it could be.
Even when both partners are Christians, to love our mates like we should is hard. The problem we all have is that flesh, the sinful nature, still comes around. “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.” Galatians 5:17, NIV.
Often we want people to serve us instead of serving others. “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13, NIV. Most of us are selfish. We come to marriage like a tick on a dog. A tick gets on a dog and sucks the blood out of that dog. The tick contributes nothing to the dog. The problem in marriage is sometimes we have 2 ticks and no dog. We have two people draining the life out of one another, with neither partner contributing anything to the relationship. It’s all about what each can get out of the other!
Too often the marriage becomes about me, my needs and what I want and think; with absolutely no regard for my spouse. This is poles apart from the attitude Jesus demonstrated when he died for those undeserving of His love and grace.
Some married couples have been trying everything they know to do. They’ve been to counseling sessions. They’ve read books. What many need is a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,” Ephesians 5:25, 26, NIV. Need to get things right with the Lord Jesus.
Conclusion and invitation:
Two suggestions
1. Have a spiritual time with the family. Good to have prayer before meals but has to be more than this. Read God’s Word together and pray. I don’t know enough. Admit that to family, be honest and just do the best can. Nothing elaborate, just a few verses, maybe get Daily Bread and share that. Pray as a couple! Need to be more than just Sunday Christians.
2. Need a time here at church. Come often. Irregular in attendance, for the sake of family, come more regular. Doing these 2 things does not mean that everything will be wonderful (sometimes this causes difficulties). But when the storms of life come better equipped to handle them and have a loving church family to help and pray for family. Some have been playing around in this area. Stop playing church!
