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Introduction
1. 1 Corinthians 13:11
2. The father draws the lines
3. Principles are taught so children can live
Seven Propositions
1. The father always establishes the atmosphere in the home.
a. Genesis 2:15 – Guide, guard, govern, Prophet, priest, king
b. You’re only qualified to lead to the degree you’re willing to serve.
c. The revelation of God that your family is going to have is what they see as you live in front of them.
2. A father must love his family redemptively.
a. The love of God is unconditional, sacrificial, and redemptive
b. When you give your word to somebody, you are giving them the character behind the word. Trust is extended only to the limit of truth and no more.
c. When you give your word to your children or your wife, you redeem your word when you keep it.
d. Sometimes children don’t know the difference between a broken promise and a lie.
3. It’s not the father’s responsibility to make all his childrens’ decisions, but it is his responsibility to let his children see him make his.
a. Remember, children may not always listen to you, but they will always imitate you.
b. Decisions determine character, conduct, and destiny.
c. Everything in life is under your power of choice, but once you make the choice, you become the servant to the choice.
4. It is the father’s responsibility to give his children four things: intimacy, discipline, love, and value.
5. A father can be either a fabulous father or a deadly dad.
a. You can be both: David with Adonijah and Solomon
b. We don’t need to raise streetwise children, we don’t need to raise churchwise; we need to raise Godwise children.
6. If you go to church and then go home and never read the Bible or pray with your children, you have a problem. Atheism is simply living as if there is no God.
7. Teach truth, but put it in the positive and not in the negative.
Application: Pray together with each other.
Turn with me to 1 Corinthians 13:11. The Word of the Lord says, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
When a child is between the ages of newborn and three years old, there are only two things you can give that child—love and security. God anatomically created the woman so that when she holds the baby to feed it, she gives it security. As the baby nourishes in her arms, her eyes and her face lovingly look and nourish the child emotionally.
As a child grows, it can only respond to concrete authority because it cannot be reasoned with. But between the ages of three and thirteen, you begin to teach children the difference between right and wrong. They are taught a reasoning process, and their will is brought under submission. The will should never be broken, but it needs to be brought under submission by the process of reason. Isaiah said, “Come now, let us reason together, saith the Lord.” Up until thirteen years of age, children learn the reasoning process. That’s why in our society when a young person reaches thirteen, they can take their SAT test and pretty well tell how they’re going to do in college. Their life’s basic understanding and basic knowledge is given to them by the time they are thirteen.
From age thirteen to twenty, children are taught principles upon which they build their lives. When the Bible says, “Spare the rod,” it may mean the rod when it comes to the young because they only respond to concrete authority. But it doesn’t mean that you beat them or use a stick. It’s talking about the concrete authority you bring them under. But when the child becomes thirteen, the rod becomes a measuring stick. By age thirteen, you are teaching them the principles upon which they are building their lives. Then the rod becomes a ruler—a measuring stick—in order to measure behavior to know the difference between right and wrong.
On the ruler, lines are drawn to show places of measurement. Today, one of the problems we have is in drawing lines. For example, in the jurisprudence in our country, there may be a very small difference between a misdemeanor and a felony. It may only be one penny, but the line is drawn between them. There is a difference between a life sentence and a death sentence, and it only may be a matter of intent. But the line is drawn. There is a difference between pass and fail in school, and it may be only one or two points, but the line is drawn. And today we have people who object to the drawing of lines.
But let me give you an example of what I’m talking about. If, when I leave here today and get in my car to drive down the road and I see these white lines and these yellow lines, and I turn to my companion and say, “You know what? The department of motor vehicles in this state is trying to keep me from having a good time!”
The lines are drawn in the world and the road not to keep me from having a good time but to keep me from killing myself. And we’ve got people in the world that are obliterating the lines, where the lines are not drawn for behavior, and our children are killing themselves because they’re trying to obliterate and erase the lines! We need to draw the lines!
It’s the father’s responsibility to draw the lines for his children. He’s the disciplinarian in the home.
When a young person reaches the age of 30, and between that age of three and thirteen, or thirteen and twenty, they have never learned to reason and they have never learned to understand, it’s a lifelong problem. They’ve never learned the process of the principles upon which we build our lives. God gives laws, or they are principles rather than rules and regulations, by which, if we obey them, we will live. For example, the law of gravity. The law of gravity is a principle that if you obey it, you’re going to live. But if you crawl up to the top of this and jump off, yelling “Jesus saves!” to defy the law of gravity, you’re going to die when you hit that concrete.
So as long as you obey that law or live by that principle, you will live. To violate it, transgress it, or to abrogate it means you die. So those principles—or those laws—are lines that tell us in our behavior how we’re going to be able to live and have life more abundantly.
I want to give you seven propositions for a father raising children today. If you have pencil and paper, don’t be a hearer of the Word, be a doer of the Word: Write them down! Seven propositions for raising the standard of our children.
PROPOSITION #1: The father always establishes the atmosphere in the home. It makes no difference whether he is an autocratic, dictatorial, authoritarian figure or whether he is a wimp, passive and complacent with no backbone. It makes no difference if he’s an absentee father. It makes no difference what he is: The father always establishes the atmosphere in the home. Genesis 2:15 gives us the fact that when God created us as men, He gave us the stewardship in our life in Genesis 2:15 where He said, “I want you to guide, guard, and govern.” Say it with me: Guide, guard, and govern.
We do not own what we possess; we’re only stewards of it. You possess a body, but you don’t own it. And if you’re not a good steward of that body, it can be diseased or it can become inhibited or it can become obese. It can become a lot of different things that will impair your way of life. You do not own a wife; you’re only the steward of her love. And her love is always a gift. And if you’re not a good steward of her love, it can be impaired, or it can be diminished, or it can even die because you’re not a good steward of that love. You don’t own her. All you are is a steward.
Guide, guard, and govern directly relates to Jesus Christ when He came as the Prophet, Priest, and King. In the home, the father is to be prophet, priest, and king. Prophets speak from God to the people. Priests speak from the people to God. And the kings rule by serving. Jesus told us that “he that would be Lord among you, let him be the servant of all,” which simply means you’re only qualified to lead to the degree you’re willing to serve. If you’re not willing to serve your family, you’re not qualified to lead your family. If a pastor is not willing to serve the congregation, the pastor is not qualified to lead the congregation. Jesus gave us that principle by which we are to live.
The first five books in the Bible called the Pentateuch, the entire first five books of the Bible, are the stories of seven men. And the reason for that is that all the revelation of God on Earth comes through humans. I don’t care whether it’s Adam or Abraham or Moses or Peter or Paul. And even when God wanted to reveal Himself in person, He came as the Man, Christ Jesus. So all the revelation of God that your family is going to have is what they’re going to be able to see—you as you live in front of them!
If the Bible does not have Lordship in your life, then Christ is not Lord in your life.
PROPOSITION #2: A father must love his family redemptively. There are three kinds of love that God has for us in John 3:16 where it describes the love of God. The love of God is unconditional, sacrificial, and redemptive. Loving redemptively means as Jeremiah 1:12 says that “God watches over His Word to perform it or to fulfill it.” Because God loves us redemptively, when He gives us His Word, He redeems His Word, or He fulfills it, or He keeps it.
When you give your word to somebody, you are giving them the character behind the word. Trust is extended only to the limit of truth and no more. And when you keep telling your wife you’re going to do something and never do it, you teach her not to trust you!
How many of you know what a pawn shop is? A pawn shop is where you need money and you take an object in there—whether it’s a bicycle or a Rolex watch or a saxophone or whatever it may be—and you say, “I want you to loan me money based on the value of this.” He will then loan you money. That object is yours. It is yours, but it’s in his possession. And the only way you get it back is going and giving him the money he loaned you plus the interest on it. That is how you redeem that object.
And the way you redeem your word is this: When you give your word to your children or your wife, you redeem your word when you keep it. When you tell your son or daughter you’re going to do something and you don’t do it, and again you tell them you’re going to do something and don’t do it, every time you give them your word, it is yours, but it’s in their custody. And as long as you don’t perform it or you don’t redeem it by keeping it, they’re going to eventually have custody of so much of your word, they don’t even want to listen to you anymore.
Every time you give your word, you have to redeem it if you’re going to love redemptively. Sometimes children don’t know the difference between a broken promise and a lie.
PROPOSITION #3: It’s not the father’s responsibility to make all his childrens’ decisions, but it is his responsibility to let his children see him make his. Remember, children may not always listen to you, but they will always imitate you. The best teaching that you can give to your children is the example of how you make your choices. Decisions determine character, conduct, and destiny. Everything in life is under your power of choice, but once you make the choice, you become the servant to the choice. And if you don’t teach your children how to make wrong choices and they make wrong choices, they will become the servant to it! If you don’t teach them the difference between cocaine and cocoa in the cupboard, then they’re going to make a wrong choice and they’ll become the servant to it, and then you’re going to try to correct what you didn’t teach correctly in the first place! So it’s vital that we recognize it’s not our responsibilities as fathers to make all our children’s decisions, but to let them see us make ours.
PROPOSITION #4: It is the father’s responsibility in the home to give his family, and specifically and particularly his children, four things: intimacy, discipline, love, and value. Years ago, when I served on Governor Reagan’s Commission for Children and Youth in the State of California, there was what we called the “hippie generation” that arose. As part of our assignment as a committee on children and youth, we had to survey the rehab units and survey the various institutions that were trying to bring these youths from out of that counterculture drug situation and to set them right and rehabilitate them. And we found that in every situation the rehab unit that most nearly approximated the family environment was successful or had the highest rate of success. Those that didn’t had the lowest.
Now, there are four things that every rehab unit, or every father must provide the children: intimacy, discipline, love, and value. Say it with me! Intimacy, discipline, love, and value.
Gangs are becoming a severe problem. In Chicago, 35,000 gang members marched on city hall and announced they were forming a new political coalition of gang members all across the nation. And in the recent citywide election, they had four gang members running for the city council. Two made it past the primary.
We are living in a society that is slowly, but surely, turning away, and it’s because of one thing: fatherlessness. May I say to you that gangs are nothing more nor less than counterfeit families because the gang will provide what the father doesn’t—intimacy, discipline, love, and value. What four things do cults provide? Say it with me! Intimacy, discipline, love, and value. These are counterfeit families, and they prey upon those from the fatherless homes, from the places where there is no disciplinarian, where there is no one to counsel, no one to mentor, no one to give role models to! And of all the people in the world, it should be those of us who watch over our children in order to provide intimacy, discipline, love, and value.
How many of you here have daughters? Let me see your hands. Isn’t it true that every one of you is concerned and you watch over your daughter to make sure she doesn’t go out with a guy like you used to be?
PROPOSITION #5: A father can be either a fabulous father or a deadly dad. King David was both. He was a deadly dad to his son, Adonijah, but he was fabulous father to Solomon. The reason he was a deadly dad to Adonijah was that in I Kings 6, it says that he never displeased his son at any time—never restrained him, never corrected him, never disciplined him. You and I both know the easiest way to spoil children is to give them anything they want. Never correct them, never discipline them. And as a result of that, Adonijah rose up in rebellion against his father and tried seditiously to undermine his father and take away the kingdom. But when it came to Solomon, David gave Solomon not only the pattern for the construction of the temple, but he gave him his private fortune with which to build the temple. David was both a deadly dad and a fabulous father.
A deadly dad can create sibling rivalries between their children, as Jacob did with Joseph and his brethren. So it is absolutely imperative that as fathers we determine that we can be fabulous fathers. In the book, COURAGE, I wrote about when I was at Teen Challenge. They told me that those that came off the street into there were profane, they were hard of heart, they learned to con parents, they did things only to impress, they were insolent in manner, they were deceptive in spirit. And when I showed the manuscript to the publishing company, the lady who was the marketing director says, “This book needs to go into the hand of every young man across the world.” And I said, “Why?” “Because I sent my daughter to an overnight church outing where they showed “Airplane II,” where a couple of guys tried to grope her, a couple of others propositioned her, some girls went out and made out, some guys smoked a joint, and then they went after that all-night supposedly ‘Christian’ outing to a convalescent hospital, witnessed, and went back to the church where the parents picked them up.” And she said, “When I picked up my daughter, she was so disturbed and distressed by what had happened to her that I took her home and gave her a sedative and put her to bed.” She said, “Brother Cole, I want you to know there are not only those that are streetwise made that way by their streetwise dads, but there are those in the church that are churchwise that are made that way by churchwise dads!” And the difference between them is one is profane and one is religious. The religious are still hard of heart, they con parents, they do things to impress, they are deceptive, and they are insolent in manner. And I say to you we don’t want to raise the streetwise children, we don’t want to raise the churchwise; we want to raise the Godwise children.
PROPOSITION #6: If you go to church on Sunday and take your family to church—and I don’t know how you worship, I don’t know what you do. But if you go to church and you read the Bible and sing and dance and praise and worship—whatever you do—and you go home and you never read the Bible and you never pray with your children, you’ve got a problem.
I’ll tell you why. Atheism is not standing on a street corner and shaking your fist at God and saying, “I don’t believe in You!” Atheism is simply living as if there is no God. That’s practical Atheism. You live as if you don’t give an account to God. You live as though you don’t have any responsibility to God. You live as though you can just determine your own destiny and determine your own life without the interference of God in your life.
So if you go to church on Sunday morning and you read the Bible and listen to the minister and you even teach Bible school and Sunday school—whatever you do—and through the rest of the week you don’t read the Bible with your family, you don’t pray with your family, you don’t talk to your family about God because you’re the bishop in the home and you don’t do it, the truth of it is you’re a professing Christian on Sunday but a practicing Atheist during the week!
Remember, I taught you that children would not always listen to you, but they will always imitate you. It is absolutely vital that you live the life for them to imitate or to emulate.
PROPOSITION #7: Fathers who want to raise a G-rated child in an X-rated world need to teach truth, but you need to put it in the positive and not in the negative. Every man dreams of himself as being a hero. Every woman dreams of her man as being a hero, and children look at men as heroes. Our children need heroes today.
Can I tell you a man in sports who I consider to be a real hero today? The NBA Ironman named A.C. Green. A.C. Green wrote in the Foreword to the book, Glory of Sex: “You need to teach your child that there is a glory to sex, that both sex and money were not made for lusting but for loving.” Sex is the sign of the covenant of marriage, and when you enter into marriage, you consummate it with sexual intimacy, and there is a glory to virginity. The reason why God wants the man and woman to both be virgins at the time of their marriage is because when they consummate their marriage and it causes the shedding of blood, it is a sign that they have entered into the sacred covenant relationship of marriage through the shedding of blood that is symbolic of entering into the sacred covenant relationship of salvation with God and Christ through the shedding of blood. Marriage was meant to be a blood covenant. That’s why it used to have in our marriage vows, “’til death do us part.”
You need to tell your children not the negative things that will happen, but the positive that God has put in His Word in order for your children to know what it is to give honor and glory to God. God made us with two ends—one to think with and one to sit with—and whether we win or lose depends upon which end we use. Heads we win, and tails we lose!
Remember 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
What does the Word say? “And when I became a man…” “….I put away childish things!”
So when we put away the childish things and become men, then we are able to teach our children how they are to be taught in the ways of God. You’ve listened to the Word, and in just a moment we’re going to take a couple of minutes and I’m going to ask the fathers to stand up and about 4 or 5 of you get together. We’re going to have you stand there. From what you’ve heard just now, I want you to share with somebody the thing that you feel like God spoke to you through the message today that you want to take back and put into your family and how you want to regard your children. Do we want our children to be streetwise? No! Do we want them to be churchwise? No! Do we want them to be Godwise? Yes!
“And when I became a man…” “….I put away childish things!”
For the next four minutes, stand right now and gather in groups of three to four, and just tell one another and discuss with one another what you heard here today, how it influenced your life, and what you want to do when you get back home in regard to children. Take hold of hands, and pray for each other.
