THE CONSEQUENCES OF UNFORGIVENESS
Philemon 1:4-7
(Antioch Baptist Church: Sunday Morning June 29th, 2025)
One Sunday during his sermon, a preacher asked the congregation how many are willing to forgive their enemies. They all raised their hands except for one elderly lady in the back pew. The preacher noticed her and asked, “Mrs. Peter, why aren’t you willing to forgive your enemies?” “Well, I don’t have any,” she replied. “Mrs. Peter, you’re 96 years old and have no enemies?” No, she said. “Oh Mrs. Peter, would you please come to the front and tell us all how a person can live 96 years and not have a single enemy in the world?” The old woman went to the stage, faced the congregation, and said: “All my enemies have died.”
Chances are good that there are some people in attendance who would have to admit that you have enemies that you have not outlived. Certain people have wronged, hurt, or betrayed you and struggle with the idea of forgiving them. We have all struggled to forgive others at some point in our lives. Many times forgiveness is not easy, however, it is essential if we are to live a life that is pleasing to God. Struggling to forgive is one thing, but there is reason to question the salvation of anyone who professes to belong to Christ, to be filled with the Holy Spirit, yet possesses no desire to extend forgiveness.
Tragically, there are many people who know what the Bible says about forgiveness; they know the consequences of withholding forgiveness, but they refuse to go of the past and forgive those who have offended them.
“Unforgiveness is not a loner. It brings its friends along for the ride. If you allow unforgiveness to settle, dwell, and remain in your heart, you will experience strife, hatred, anger, bitterness, jealousy, and resentment, all of which hardens your heart toward God.” (Source: Courtney Sargent https://engagemagazine.net/starting-blog/connections/the-disease-of-unforgiveness/)
At times we have all been the recipient of forgiveness, we have been forgiven by our fellow man and ultimately, as Christians have been forgiven by God. Furthermore, as Children of God, our Father expects us to forgive others. In one of the most sobering moments of His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said: “…if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
There are various examples, instructions, and commands concerning the subject of forgiveness in the Old Testament and the New. One reason that the Book of Philemon is so powerful is because it provides us with a true story that illustrates the power of personal forgiveness.
In these 25 verses we are told about a man named Philemon who lived in Colossae. Many scholars believe that Apphia was his wife and Archippus was their son. It appears that Philemon was a wealthy man. This is seen in the fact that his house was large enough to host the members of the Colossian church and we know that he owned at least one slave. That slave’s name was Onesimus.
Onesimus had rebelled and ran away from his master. It is commonly believed that he stole something from Philemon before he departed. Even if this was not the case, he legally belonged to Philemon and his departure amounted to fraud. The legal consequences for his actions involved imprisonment and possibly even death.
Onesimus likely thought that by leaving the small town of Colossae and immersing himself in the great city of Rome he would be able to live undetected among the vast population that resided there. However, God had a divine plan for this man and it was no accident that he came into contact with the Apostle Paul. Onesimus not only encountered Paul, he came face to face with grace. Paul led this runaway slave to faith in Christ.
At some point Paul learned that Onesimus belonged to his dear friend Philemon. Though he would have loved for Onesimus to remain with him in Rome, Paul knew that it was necessary for him to return to his master. As a result, Paul dipped his quill into a jar of ink and serving as an advocate for Onesimus, he implored Philemon to forgive his once rebellious slave.
We began this series by examining the spiritual transformation of Onesimus. Then we considered the importance of Christian integrity. Every Christian should exhibit honesty, honor, and integrity. When we live in such a way we will be quick to forgive and we will possess an intense desire for fractured relationships to be restored. If we fail to forgive others there will be severe consequences and various relationships will be negatively affected.
As we continue our study of this powerful letter from Paul to Philemon, I would like for us to take some time and examine: “The Consequences Of Unforgiveness”
Philemon had a great reputation among his brothers and sisters in Christ. Paul illustrates the Christian character of this man in verses 4-7. He says, “I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers, hearing of your love and faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints, that the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. For we have great joy and consolation in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, brother.”
There is no correction or condemnation in Paul’s address to Philemon; only confidence that he will do what is proper, which is forgive the one who had wronged him. Paul declares that Philemon was a man who loved the Lord and His Church. So much so that he labored fervently and as a result “the hearts of the saints” had been refreshed by him.
Up until this point in time, Philemon had been a glowing example of a faithful servant of Christ. However, he is now confronted with a decision that if not handled correctly it would have devastating consequences within the Church at Colossae.
Some of you may be facing such a decision as we speak. You have been hurt or betrayed and it is important for you to understand that how you respond will have a far greater impact than you may imagine. If you make the wrong decision, there will be severe consequences as a result of your unforgiveness.
There is no question that Onesimus had wronged his master. Many people in Philemon’s position would attempt to justify withholding forgiveness. If he had taken this approach, it would have negatively affected several relationships. The same is true for us, notice that:
UNFORGIVENESS NEGATIVELY AFFECTS NEW CHRISTIANS
If Philemon refused to forgive Onesimus, obviously their relationship would have remained fractured. Before his return, Onesimus and Philemon were separated logistically and relationally. By acting with integrity and returning to his master, Onesimus took the first step towards reconciliation. One of the reasons that he was able to seek reconciliation is because he knew the character of Philemon. Though it must have been an awkward situation, he was confident that his master would read this letter and forgive him of his offense. If Philemon had refused to forgive him, it was likely that he would face criminal charges and according to Roman law, he may have been sentenced to death.
Onesimus was a new Christian, if Philemon had not responded in a Christlike manner, it is very possible that Onesimus would have lost confidence in the things that he had learned about the Christian faith. This may have resulted in further rebellion against Philemon, and caused him to rebel against the Church, and even Jesus.
When I was a teenager one of the young men in our youth group went forward during the invitation, surrendered to Christ, then stood and made a public profession of faith. What should have been a moment of joy and celebration quickly turned into a disaster. After informing the church that he had been born again, a foolish old man in the church who lived next door him said “son, I hope that this is genuine because I know in the past you have been guilty of taking things that don’t belong to you”. To my knowledge, that young man has never set foot in a church again.
If we hold grudges and refuse to let go of the past, our actions could cause irreversible harm to others. The person who has wronged you may be a new convert, an immature believer, or even a lost person in need of salvation. It is not hyperbole to say that how you respond to their offense could have eternal implications. When new converts and young Christians see older (supposedly more mature) Christians hold grudges and refuse to forgive it may cause them to turn away from the Church. It also sets a bad example and may cause some to think that it is okay to withhold forgiveness from those who have wronged them.
- Moving on we will see that:
UNFORGIVENESS NEGATIVELY AFFECTS PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
If Philemon had refused to forgive Onesimus this would have likely caused great friction in his relationship with the Apostle Paul. This letter is filled with evidence that Paul thought very highly of his fellow servant and brother in Christ. He not only convinced Onesimus that he could safely return with the expectation of forgiveness and reconciliation, he had boasted of Philemon’s character to the brethren who were with him in Rome. If forgiveness had not been extended, this relationship would have been greatly damaged.
If you refuse to forgive, bitterness and anger will come and it will be apparent to your fellow Christians. If you begin to live as one filled with hostility and negativity your brothers and sisters in Christ will not be able to speak highly of you as they did before. Furthermore, though they once were able to trust you to minister to others, now they are hesitant to entrust you with certain responsibilities in the ministry. It may even reach a point where they refuse to join with you in Christian service.
The consequences of unforgiveness will not be contained within a single relationship, they will affect the church as a whole. This leads us to the fact that:
UNFORGIVENESS NEGATIVELY AFFECTS THE ENTIRE CHURCH
If Philemon had refused to forgive Onesimus, this would have had a detrimental impact on various relationships within the Colossian Church. There is no indication that Philemon was an elder, a deacon, or that he held any specific position within the church. We do know that the Church met in his home and it is a safe assumption that he was a leader among the brethren whether he had a title or not. If he had refused to extend forgiveness this may have caused other members of that local assembly to feel justified in holding grudges against those who had wronged them.
Moreover, it is highly likely that there would have been division within the church. Chances are good that some would have sympathized with Philemon and felt that he was justified in withholding forgiveness from Onesimus. There would likely have been others who knew what Jesus had taught on the subject of forgiveness and they would have sided with Onesimus.
Likewise, our refusal to forgive others has the potential to affect other relationships and cause division within the church. We are more than fellow church members; we are brothers and sisters in Christ. When one relationship is fractured, it tends to result in numerous fractured relationships. Why? Because people naturally take sides.
I could tell you of several churches that are currently consumed with turmoil and are experiencing great division and it all began with a fractured relationship between two people. I know of half a dozen churches that are at the point of closing their doors because of an altercation between a single member and the pastor. For one reason or another, a lay person got angry at the pastor and set out on a mission to destroy him. This usually involves some sort of a slander campaign and leads to the recruitment of others who will join in demanding the removal of the pastor. Before you know it churches that were once vibrant, growing, and having an impact on their communities are filled with discontentment, anger, bitterness, and chaos. Instead of praising, worshipping, serving, and glorifying the Savior, these assemblies are griping, arguing, and slandering one another. Rather than evangelizing their community they are alienating them.
You can rest assured when there is turmoil and division within the church, it will not be contained inside the church. When this happens the Savior is grieved and Satan rejoices! Quite often it all begins with conflict between two individuals. Don’t allow the Devil to use you to accomplish his evil purposes. If you have already done this, repent and seek restoration with your brothers and sisters in Christ and with the Lord Jesus Himself!
So far we have seen that unforgiveness negatively affects new Christians, personal relationships, and the entire church; before we close, I would like to address the fact that:
UNFORGIVENESS NEGATIVELY AFFECTS OUR FELLOWSHIP WITH GOD
Of all the many relationships that would have been negatively impacted if Philemon had withheld forgiveness from Onesimus, the most consequential would have been the relationship between Philemon and the Lord Jesus.
There are various scriptures that point to the importance, (better yet, the requirement) of forgiving others. Jesus said in Mark 11:25, “whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Paul said in Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”Writing to the very church that met in Philemon’s home, Paul said, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:12-13). There is no denying the reality that our Lord expects all who belong to Him to forgive others.
Philemon was a Christian; this means that he had experienced the amazing forgiveness that is found only in Christ Jesus. As a result, he possessed a personal relationship with the Savior. In the flesh, there was certainly a temptation to withhold forgiveness. However, he had received forgiveness and that forgiveness came at the cost of the blood of God’s only Son. It would be exceedingly hypocritical for him to hold a grudge against Onesimus when he had not been offended nearly as much as God had been offended. Philemon, as well as you and I have offended God so greatly that He had to sacrifice His only son in order to provide us with forgiveness.
There are various commands in scripture that declare that God’s people are expected to forgive. When we fail to do so we are in rebellion against God. If we are authentic Christians living in rebellion this will have a negative impact on our fellowship with the Lord. We risk all of the many issues we have covered in this message and we risk enduring the chastening hand of God. If we are His, He will do whatever is necessary to bring us back into proper fellowship with Him. If you know that you are withholding forgiveness, I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to address this issue immediately.
With that being said, if you are currently refusing to forgive someone and you are not bothered by your rebellion, if you do not experience the convicting work of the Holy Spirit, it may be that you are not suffering from hindered fellowship with God, it is likely that you do not possess a relationship with Him at all! If that is the case I would implore you to surrender to Jesus today.
If you will, He will empower you to forgive what you may feel is unforgivable. I am glad that much of what we have covered today is hypothetical; we have pondered what would have happened if Philemon had failed to forgive Onesimus. Though it is not covered in the New Testament, it is believed by many scholars believe that Philemon did forgive Onesimus, gave him the freedom to serve in the Christian ministry, and he may have even became the pastor in the Church at Ephesus.
Though we have covered in great detail the negative effects of withholding forgiveness, I would like for us to close with a positive thought. I encourage you to think about that person who has hurt you, betrayed you, or wronged you in some way. Imagine what could happen if you turned that issue over to the Lord, let go of your bitterness and desire for vengeance, and provide complete forgiveness (even if it us undeserved and even if it is never requested).
It is possible that when you forgive your enemy will continue to treat you harshly and offend you. When this happens, remember the words of Proverbs 25:21-22, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."It could be that if you reach a place where you are willing to forgive one who has harmed you that it will cultivate a special relationship where you will be able to reach that person with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Perhaps you humbling yourself and forgiving someone could be the catalyst that begins the process of some backslidden brother or sister being restored to the Lord Jesus. If there is someone who has hurt you that is a part of this church and you chose to honor and obey the Lord and forgive that individual, that could be the spark that ignites the fires of revival within this assembly.
There are a host of other wonderful things that may take place when God’s people reach a place where they are willing to forgive others. At the same time, we must pause and remember “The Consequences Of Unforgiveness”.
10092025
