7UP:
Getting Rid of Bad Breath
Philippians 4:2-3
October 26. 2008
A little girl received a watch and some perfume for her birthday. She was so proud of them because they made her feel so grown up. All throughout the day, she pestered everyone to look at her watch or ask them if they wanted to know what time it was and pestered them to smell her perfume or ask if they smelled anything nice.
Finally at dinner, Mom said, “Honey, I know you are proud of your gifts but please don’t mention them while we eat.” So throughout dinner she never said a word. She just sniffed audibly and conspicuously lifted up her wrist to listen to her watch. Finally at the end of the meal she couldn’t contain herself any longer and she blurted out, “If anyone hears anything or smells anything, it’s me.”
This week we are going to look at the social sphere of our lives and the need to turn this area of our lives over to God’s control as one of the seven areas (7UP) to God in order to holistically, completely follow Jesus. This deals with our relationships. Is God control of this part of your life? Is God in charge of your relationships and how you treat others?
The symbol is air. Thus the air beneath the wings of the birds. Like air, our relationships sustain us and empower us. They keep us going. And they also have great potential to destroy us and wreck our lives as well. In the Tuesday small group Tena noted that when people we trust betray us, it feels like the wind is knocked out of us.
A second level of meaning for this symbol lies in the use of God’s spirit in the bible and it’s close relationship to the breath of God. It is God’s Spirit that makes a person truly spiritual according to the bible. It is God’s Spirit that gives us life and it sustains us.
The corresponding deadly sin is envy. Isn’t that so apt? It is in relationships that people often covet what others have. Because of our relationships, we sometimes see things that we wish we had.
We studied this a little more closely in the small group and looked at more scriptures related to the meaning of the symbol and then the corresponding deadly sin. What I want to focus on the rest of this time is on how we can improve this area of our lives? What does it mean to give God control of this area? How can we improve the quality of our relationships?
In essence we are seeking to get rid of the bad air in our relationships. We are getting rid of the bad breath. The breath that offends. The breath that sometimes surrounds us like the dirt around Pigpen in Charley Brown. Specifically, we are going to look at a few relational areas that can help us honor God. One area is what God calls us toward in order to help us. Two areas are things that we need to watch out for if God is going to be in control. Getting rid of bad breath.
I liked this cartoon about what not to do as a church. This church features a new class that is obvious not going build better relationships but push people away.
Getting Rid of Bad Breath
This comes primarily from Philippians 4:1-3. This was part of the passage that was read a few weeks ago when we focused on verse 8 and the mental area.
Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends! I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
The first thing that we need to get rid of bad breath to help us in our relationships is:
• Accountability
No where does God expect us to follow Jesus alone. We are called not just to love others and do good for them but we are called to be in close, intimate, and accountable relationships with other followers of Jesus. Paul wrote that he expected the rest of the church to help these two women who were having relational problems. Hold them accountable to get along in the Lord.
Jesus sent out disciples not alone but in pairs. Paul throughout this letter to the church at Philippi wrote passionately about his love for these believers and how he longed to spend time with them and for them to be together.
For us, one of the best ways that we have organized to do this is small groups. Now this doesn’t mean accountability happens exclusively here but it does provide structure and an excellent opportunity to be accountable. Jesus followers can be accountable in other ways but often this means you must be intentional to developing those relationships. Sunday mornings takes too long if it actually happens at all.
Very rarely will be stick with a community of faith unless they have some relational connection where they can share the trial as well as the joys that they are going through. Without accountability we are usually set adrift and that often results in being adrift in their relationship with God as well.
Sometimes we need people who can lovingly say to us, “Would like a mint?”
• Dump the Assumptions
Just because someone asks if you want a mint, doesn’t mean they are telling you that your breath stinks. Maybe they are conscious of their own breath and just want to be polite by offering you one. Be careful about the assumptions that you make. Making assumptions often gets us into serious trouble. It causes huge problems in our relationships.
Relationally, I think of assumptions as unproven conclusions. We draw conclusions based on our experiences, our perceptions, and limited information.
Sometimes misinformation. In my opinion, much of this year’s political campaigning has been about misinformation in order to get people to draw unproven conclusions about the other candidate. I put together a little video that illustrates this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ukUKGLpgic
Henry Winkler said, “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
We often don’t know what people’s motives are and what is really in their hearts. Often we just assume that we do. Notice how Paul dealt with some assumptions concerning the two women who are obviously well known for disagreement. He reminded the rest of the church that they had contend at Paul’s side on behalf of the gospel and that they along with Clement and others had their names in the book of life.
In fact, we get a clue in 2:3 about what assumptions the follower of Jesus should be making: consider others better than ourselves. Jesus warned us against judging others. Often assumptions are judgments that we make (usually pre-judgments which is also known as a prejudice).
Dump the assumptions. Get rid of them. Check the facts. And do your best to listen, truly listen, to people in whatever situation. Assumptions are hard to swallow. They choke us and they are usually garbage anyway. I can’t think of any better way to get bad breath than to eat garbage. Do you know what causes bad breath? Bacteria in the mouth, yes, but usually as the result of your body expelling toxins and such through the lungs. Lastly:
• Clarify Expectations
Assumptions are basically conclusion or decisions or judgments that are made about something or someone. Expectations are values and standards that we often hold people and their actions up against. Now sometimes our expectations especially our unrealistic expectations can lead us to making faulty assumptions so they go hand in hand.
However, expectations are unavoidable and actually can be helpful. God certainly has expectations for us. A quick read through the Sermon on the Mount can identify a multitude of expectations. Paul expected these two women to get agree in the Lord. It doesn’t mean they had to be perfect buddies and the BFF’s. BFF is best friends forever! Paul didn’t expect that. That would be unrealistic. But he did expect them to be agreeable and agree in the Lord and to put the work of the Lord first as their common ground in doing so.
So I have two areas here. First:
o Confront Unrealistic Expectations
Many expectations that we place on people and that are place on us are unrealistic. Believe me, I know the expectation that people place on pastors and they are often insane.
Think about the unrealistic expectations of some professions: doctors, teachers, nurses, waitresses and how about coaches. Probably every job especially in the last couple of decades of unrealistic expectations placed on them as companies downsize but expect the remaining workers to pick up the slack.
Last Christmas, our family went out to eat. It was busy. We had to wait thirty minutes or so. When we got seated with six of us, I notice that right next to us a table of eight had just been seated. So this poor guy had other tables plus two large tables. Honestly service wasn’t so great because he couldn’t pay attention to us all at the same time. But he hustled. Literally, at times he ran back and forth in order to meet the expectations of the customers.
A woman died and went to heaven but when she arrived at the “Pearly Gates,” she found Peter. “Before you can come in, you have to spell a word,” he said.
“What word?” she asked.
“Any word?”
“L-O-V-E. Love,” she said.
“Come on in. But I was wondering if you’d do me a quick favor. Stand here for a few moments. I’ll be right back. If anyone comes, just follow the same procedure.”
Peter left and behold here comes her ex-husband. “What are you doing here?”
“I just had a heart attack. Did I really make it?” he asked.
“Not yet. You have to spell a word,” she said.
“What word?”
After a few moments she said, “Czechoslovakia.”
Prayerfully consider whether or not your expectations that you place on others are realistic. If necessary talk with them about them especially if you feel they aren’t being met.
If you feel others are placing their unrealistic expectations on you, then talk to them. Explain your position. Share your feelings and above all set boundaries. Boundaries are tough. Most of us need accountability in order to set and maintain appropriate boundaries.
o Conform Expectations to Godly Ones
Paul reminded the church to focus on what was important. These women have contended at my side for the gospel. Earlier in the letter, he told the church how “preachers” were trying to stir up trouble for him while he was in prison. He conformed his expectations to godly ones buy focusing on how Christ was being shared and therefore he chose to rejoice rather than being bitter and angry.
Have you given God control of your relationships? Is God in control of this social area of your life? Do you treat others the way that you would want to be treated? Do you place unrealistic expectations on others? Do you seek conform your expectations to what God desires? Do you continually make assumptions and pass judgments on others? Are you critical of them? Are you hyper-critical of others?
Are you accountable to anyone? Do you have a group of followers of Jesus where you can grow, who will lovingly challenge you and your assumptions, and who will help you conform to the ways of Jesus?
I want to give you a little reminder to take with you this week. Let this little token remind you to stop and prayerfully ask some of these questions? Am I making assumptions? Am I hanging onto unrealistic expectations? Who is in control here? Am I trying to do this on my own?
The item is a balloon. The balloon represents your life. Say this with me: The balloon represents my life. Whose breath fills me? God’s? Do I have bad breath? Do I need fresh air in my life? Let it remind you to stop and take a deep breath and allow God to breathe new life into your relationships.
